Tuesday, July 25, 2006
They say all things happen in threes. I don't know if that's just a silly superstition or if there really is some validity to it. I think on some level I think there is some truth to it. I'm sitting here in this heat wondering what the 3rd thing is going to be.
Let me back up so that you know what the 1st and 2nd things are.
I was driving on the freeway recently on my way home from Countertop shopping and as I stopped on the breaks and my car decides, Oh hell naw, I'm not stopping right away. This was not my 1st time in a situation like this when a car that I've owned decided not to stop. What I quickly learned in that situation is you gotta pump ya breaks. Well it worked then and it worked this time too.
Unlike in my youth, I wasn't always able to get those expensive breaks fixed right away and drove around town pumpin the metal. Not now! The next day I was at the mechanic to check them out. Well it wasn't so bad after all and only cost me $180.00 to repair the damage.
The 2nd thing happened just today. Last night I hung out with a friend whose part of town completely blacked out yesterday. I need to call him to see if they have power back yet. So he and I hung out for a little while then came to my place to chillin under the air conditioning. As we chilled something seemed funny but I just didn't pay it any attention.
This morning I got the same feeling. Something just doesn't feel right. Little did I know that the operative word in my question was FEEL. As I drove into the garage from the Calif heat baking me to death. I looked forward to entering the coolness of my home.
As soon as I opened the door I knew exactly what that feeling was about I had had the night before. I heard the air conditioner blowing, but it was not blowing what I craved all the way home. I craved cool air and this thing was blowing nothing but hot air!
So there are my 2 things in less than 2 weeks. What will be # 3. I know right now Iwant to run in my drawers through the spray of a water hydrant. I've already contacted my home warranty company to get someone here to fix this thing! Hopefully they'll be able to get someone here this week! I'm supposed to have a book club meeting at my house on Sunday.
By the way my book club is reading an excellent book entitle Upstate by Kalisha Buckhanon . It's a fast and engrossing read. Hard to put down. While reading it I feel like I have stumbled upon something private that I found in a hidden place in the attic. I compare the feeling to the scene in The Color Purple when Celie found all the letters from her sister and kept it a secret that she was reading them. If you get a chance to read it I think you'll enjoy it.
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
When people would ask me what type of a man I wanted to be in a relationship with I would say. I want a runaway slave. (Maybe I'll explain that in another post. It's not really relevant for this one) Well now I want to be a runaway slave!!
I'm in a dilemma and I haven't been this unsure of my destiny or happiness in years. I'm usually pretty content with my life. Lately that has not been the case. I don't even have anyone to talk to about it that can relate to where I am at this point in time. So I thought I'd post on here and see if anyone had any concrete and intelligent advice for me. That's one thing that I don't ask for often either, advice.
Those that know me never think that I ever have any problems. Or at least if I do have problems they always believe that I can handle them and then just move on. So eventually I do end up handling the situation as I have no other choice or options in most cases.
Anyway I am feeling very unsatisfied with my life here in California. Everything that you hear about California is probably true and there are something's that you may not know. It is very superficial, laidback, expensive and prejudice. I've just about had it up to here with California. It's just so dayum difficult to leave the weather and access to activities.
I've been wondering if the weather and access are things that should be keeping me here. I'm not in a relationship currently so what's holding me back you say? Fear! Fear of the unknown.
Now if I was in my 20s still I would've been gone! However, I am not. So where I need help is with making a decision to move. I have a home that I love made some friends and basically comfortable. I've been at my job a long time and it's difficult to step out into something new when you haven't had to in so many years. How do you wrap your mind around leaving?
For some of you the answer may be easy. Just do it. However, that's too risky for me because it is just me. Do I just not have enough faith in myself? I'm probably answering my own questions as I type. Still it's not giving me the tools to take a step in any direction. Where can I get these tools? Does anybody know? I want to be that runaway slave and get away from these Slave Masters I work for and the mannequins that surround every corner of LA
Where is Harriet Tubman when you need her?????