Reality Show

I am not mad.  I am not bitter. I am rejuvenated.

Living in reality you just know that sometimes it doesn't always last.  Living in reality you know that you played a part.  Living in reality you know that they weren't the right person for you.

He was a good man, for a while.  He saw himself bigger than what the Reality Show displayed.  He misunderstood who you were.  You thought you knew who he was.  You agreed in silence to the lies. He was never interested in your truth only wanted to hear himself.  He had nothing to say.

He wasn't a grown man, he was a disillusioned man looking for someone less them he.  Well, I guess he found it for the moment...that is until they see as well.

Thank you...Somebodies Sun

I posted my painting and hope that those who had the opportunity to view it found it to be pleasing.  I have removed the painting so that I'm able to determine what I'll do with it next.  Thank you for the positive reactions.

"I think we would like to kill you ourselves before seeing you killed by the streets America made."
Ta-Nehisi Coates

This quote by Ta-Nehisi is reminicent of our slave ancestors who  probably would have rather killed their children rather than see them live through the injustices that befell them during the times of slavery.  I wonder if parents of lost sons have felt any difference since slavery.

We are somebodies son.
We are villified soldiers from the day we are born.
We are navigating the world wearing armor that others call skin.
We are not all heroes,  but who's going to let us be.
We are subject to words not chosen for others.
We are husbands
We are fathers
We are brothers
We are friends
We are co-workers
We are the lie that every one believes and the truth that no one believes.
We are somebodies sun.

Painting Again

I'm painting again.  It's giving me the ability to sit, concentrate on something with meaning to me and hopefully to others.  I'm reflecting on the happenings in the world.  My latest painting is called Somebodies Sun.  It is an homage to the senseless murders of our Black brothers and sisters at the hands of the police.  This painting is not a statement about the wrong doings of the police or their motives but simply a reminder that someones child is DEAD.

It is an urging for all of us to seek the truth before acting.  If you just take a moment,  the truth will shine through 

the fantasies we believe, 

the lies we tell ourselves,

and the lies we hear.  

But remember, a lie is still a lie even if everyone believes it and the truth is still the truth even if 

no one believes it.

Blackbird

Blackbird

I saw it today.  1st I'll say it was a good movie.  Pretty well acted and believable if you are familiar with people that were raised in the way that the young man Randy was in the film.

He had a mother with very strict religious beliefs and they attended a church that also had old and detrimental beliefs that cause confusion and heartache.

Now all I really want to say regarding the movie and anyone that knows me would not be surprised with what I'm about to say.

I'm absolutely sick and tired of movies about Black people where a white person comes in and makes everything better for the main character.  Not sure why the choice in this movie was for the young Randy to become involved with the sort of corny trying to be worldly and cool white Kevin.

There as you can see in the picture above there were 2 other very qualified cast members that could have played the one to deflower Randy.  I'm really not giving anything away in the movie you'll know this is coming the moment Kevin steps on the scene..very predictable...even though I hoped for a twist.  sigh didn't happen.

Anyway, enjoy the story of this movie ...till next time when I have something to say. :-)

My Responses to a Blackmansdream Questions

1.When did you become a black man? When did you become a man?

I became a Black man at 18 years old.  I was in college and went to a party in Los Angeles with 2 other friends.  We were on our way home and stopped by the Police.   We were told to get out of the car,  get face down on the ground with 3 feet between us.  Each one of us took our turns at having a knee in our backs and asked our names and what we were doing in the area.  We were searched and then told that there had been a robbery in the neighborhood and we fit the description.  Knowing we were nowhere near this supposed robbery we all realized that we were being stopped for driving while Black.  One friend protested a little too much and was punched in the back.  We were then let go when the other Policeman simply said lets go.  Don't think I ever thought of myself as a Black Man before that other than simply knowing that I was black. With those types of stops being on the news all the time I now was able to categorize myself along with the other Black men that had been stopped previously by Police for no reason.

I became a man in my mind when I rented my 1st apartment and could control that environment the way I chose. No more following the rules of others who gave or assisted me with shelter.

2.How would you describe your interaction with other black males in your youth? Adulthood?

In my youth I had a few close black male friends and felt good about the relationships.  We simply enjoyed each others company as we were all learning who we were growing to be.  With others that I wasn't close with I was guarded an always ready to fight.  However, I always knew that they didn't know my secret.  In adulthood I get the feeling that there is competition all the time.  Even when there is nothing to compete for. It's hard to explain but I always feel like there is some type of judgement taking place.

3.What makes you angry? sad? happy?

What makes me angry is not being listened to. What makes me sad is knowing there's nothing I can do about it.  What makes me happy is art of all kinds.  Music, Books, Paintings, and theater.

4.Have you ever dealt with emotional stress directly related to being a black man?

Yes, recently at work I was in a training session.  I was the only black person in the room of approx 20 white people when the facillitator decided to bring levity to the class.  He decided to show several videos of Terry Tate Office Linebacker. This was originally a Super Bowl commercial for Nike. While funny if I was at home, in the work environment I felt it was very inappropriate and a stereotypical depiction of black men being violent, using crazy language and in general being aggressive.  The room exploded with laughter but I didn't and when I told Human Resources after the class that I'd like them to remove the videos from future classes so that no one else would feel the way that this made me feel.  I could tell they felt as if I was overreacting.  From that point on the environment for me changed and I was questioned a lot about my work and accused of behaviors that just weren't true.

5.Have you ever been depressed? What caused it?

Yes I've been depressed a couple of times...once due to a bad relationship and the other due to a person with a superior position at work who wanted to intimidate me.

6.Were you able to express your depression to the people around you? If yes, how did they respond--if no, what stopped you?

Not people at work.  I already knew that whatever I said would have been taken as a complaint and not valued.  Was told by my manager once that I needed to accept the responsibility for my actions.  When speaking to friends they understood but it felt as if this is just par for the course of being black.

7.What has stopped you from expressing yourself emotionally?

Thinking that it would have no value.

8.How were you raised to deal with your emotions?

I wasn't really.  My father never expressed any and my mother would act as if there was no issue or that it wasn't a big deal and I should get over it.

9.How do you feel you're perceived by other black men?

I'm not really sure.  At this point in my life I behave I don't care.  Even if at times I may be affected by their perception.

10.Do you cry? When was the last time you cried and why?

Yes.  I put on an event for the Black LGBT community and felt like people appreciated the experience that I helped develop.  I felt like the event accomplished all that we had hoped.  Then Daniel Black recited a poem that he wrote that spoke to my heart.

11.What has your mother/father told you about expressing your emotions,and when?

Nothing that I can remember. Except..don't let people outside our house know what's going on inside ours.

12. What's the hardest thing about being a male? a black male?

Being a male:  Always feeling like you have to prove yourself.  Being a black male: Having to be smarter, work harder, and still not shown the same level of respect that others with less experience and intelligence as you who are always praised and rewarded. 

13. Whats a repetitive happy dream/day dream you can remember?

Winning the lottery and being able to tell my job to go to hell while not having to worry about sustaining myself.

15. What's a repetitive nightmare you can remember?

Falling.  I think it has to do with not being able to sustain myself or loosing complete control of my life.

Black Men Dream

Blackmendream is a film that I think will cause you pause.  Why you pause will be due to your own experiences.

Click on the picture of film maker Shikeith above to view the film.  Shikeith asks Black men the following questions.  Share your responses if you like.

1.When did you become a black man? When did you become a man?

2.How would you describe your interaction with other black males in your youth? Adulthood?

3.What makes you angry? sad? happy?

4.Have you ever dealt with emotional stress directly related to being a black man?

5.Have you ever been depressed? What caused it?

6.Were you able to express your depression to the people around you? If yes, how did they respond--if no, what stopped you?

7.What has stopped you from expressing yourself emotionally?

8.How were you raised to deal with your emotions?

9.How do you feel you're perceived by other black men?

10.Do you cry? When was the last time you cried and why?

11.What has your mother/father told you about expressing your emotions,and when?

12. What's the hardest thing about being a male? a black male?

13. Whats a repetitive happy dream/day dream you can remember?

15. What's a repetitive nightmare you can remember?

Where Are You?

1st I want to start by saying forgive me Penn State Legal Students for using your picture for my blog but I wanted to illustrate that there are Black Professionals in our communities in every state.

Where are you?

There are many aspiring and seasoned Black Legal Professionals in Legal, Political and many other fields that have influence and knowledge.  It is so disappointing to me that there is not a collaborative thought our conscious that exists in our community.  I know that groups take some work to get started and to create a mission and it takes work to come up with a satisfactory vision that all in the group agree on.  But where are you and what are you thinking about the countless known and unknown incidences that are killing Black men in this country.

My opinion is to use the K.I.S.S theory.  Keep it simple stupid.  If we were able to do this and garner a larger voice in our society then I am certain that decisions in cases such as the Eric Garner, Michael Brown, Trayvon Martin and a host of other cases would not end so tragically.

Why are our professionals sitting back and just watching cases like this unfold from the comfort their televisions, smart phones and other devices that keep us far from taking any action.

I agree with a quote of Thomas Jefferson's that says: "I hold it that a little rebellion now and then is a good thing, and as necessary in the political world as storms in the physical."

Another quote from him:

“When the people fear their government, there is tyranny; when the government fears the people, there is liberty.”

I am not suggesting that we should revolt in the times of old.  However, I am suggesting that we have gained much knowledge of the processes in the Legal and Political landscapes. Thus should use that knowledge to come together and revolt in a brand new and sustainable way.

I am sickened by the ease at which our legal systems have victimized Black men.  I'm disgusted to see the unnecessary deaths and injustices that have occurred agains us.  

My last words are:  Where are you, we need you!?!?!

The 3rd Annual Literary Soul Symposium

Have you heard of these Authors?

Rev. Alfreda Lanoix 
Dr. Daniel Black 
Lee Hayes 
Frederick Smith
E'Yama Matturi
Dontá Morrison
Armani Williams

If not click on their links to find out more about them and their books.  

Why not do one better and meet them in person at the 3rd Annual Literary Soul Symposium, September 19th thru 21st in Los Angeles!

Click on the logo for more information.

Do you know how important you are?

Do you know how important you are?

Do you know that our people slept laying spoon fashion in the filthy hatches of slave ships

in their own and in each other’s excrement and in their urine

and menstrual flow so that you could live

200 years later?

Do you know that?

Do you know that our people stood on auction blocks

So that you could live?

When is the last time someone told you how important you are?

Maya Angelou to Tupac Shakur on the set of Poetic Justice. She repeated this story to Dave Chappelle during the taping of  the show Iconoclasts on the Sundance Channel, where she and he sat and talked.

that's all i can say

I know I haven't blogged in awhile.  But right now this is all I can think to do.  I need to express this.

I went to a young couple's wedding last weekend.  I know we've all been to many.  However, this wedding was very special.  The young bride was pregnant and the young groom so proud and honored to be marrying his best friend.  You see this couple have known each other since they were children.  They lived right next door to each other all while they grew up and grew in love with each other.

I must say that this was one of the best weddings that I have been to in a while.  There was such love all around.  Everyone was filled with joy.  I know it sounds corny to say but I was actually experiencing joy all around me.  Then the dancing started and the floor was filled with everyone just simply having a great time with family, friends, and new acquaintances.  It was really a special wedding.

As we were leaving the reception the young bride was seated with her feet up and her mother, mother-in-law and close girlfriends surrounding her rubbing her feet and making her feel comfortable.  The wedding and excitement must have been stressful on her body.

Fast forward to today.  I get a text message telling me to pray for the couple as she is in the hospital with a condition called Non-Immune Hydrops Fetalis (sort of like a fetal heart attack).  The mortality rate is 60-90%.  It's a rare condition that occurs in 1-2000 births.

40 minutes later another text that the baby no longer has a heartbeat.  The mother's health is in danger.  The baby will be aborted and the doctors will be working on the mother.

I am praying for a positive outcome for the mother.  My thoughts  and prayers are with this young couple and their families.

I just don't know what to say right now…I don't know what I'll say later…What does this mean?  The outpouring of love that will be bestowed upon this couple will be enormous.  I do hope that they will recover from this tragedy mentally healthy from the healing of all of our love.

that's all i can say

Experience the Intellectual Side of Brothers

Hello All,

This organization needs your support!

This was a great event last year and looks to become increasingly better.  With its small grassroots beginning and the brainchild of a couple of black sgl book clubs that didn't feel they would be represented in a more mainstream Black book conference, you will surely find value in what they are offering.
Check out the website below for more details.  If you can't attend and simply would like to lend your support by donating ..click the donation link.

The main theme of the this years Literary Soul Symposium (LSS) is “Living Authentically: Developing Extraordinary Characters” followed by relevant sub themes that cover a wide range of developmental issues and challenges.  This theme sends a very personal message throughout the GLBTQ Community that loving oneself  while unapologetically developing your own character is essential in the journey called life. 

 2013 2nd Annual Literary Soul Symposium

Donate to the Literary Soul Symposium