Reality Show

I am not mad.  I am not bitter. I am rejuvenated.

Living in reality you just know that sometimes it doesn't always last.  Living in reality you know that you played a part.  Living in reality you know that they weren't the right person for you.

He was a good man, for a while.  He saw himself bigger than what the Reality Show displayed.  He misunderstood who you were.  You thought you knew who he was.  You agreed in silence to the lies. He was never interested in your truth only wanted to hear himself.  He had nothing to say.

He wasn't a grown man, he was a disillusioned man looking for someone less them he.  Well, I guess he found it for the moment...that is until they see as well.

Thank you...Somebodies Sun

I posted my painting and hope that those who had the opportunity to view it found it to be pleasing.  I have removed the painting so that I'm able to determine what I'll do with it next.  Thank you for the positive reactions.

"I think we would like to kill you ourselves before seeing you killed by the streets America made."
Ta-Nehisi Coates

This quote by Ta-Nehisi is reminicent of our slave ancestors who  probably would have rather killed their children rather than see them live through the injustices that befell them during the times of slavery.  I wonder if parents of lost sons have felt any difference since slavery.

We are somebodies son.
We are villified soldiers from the day we are born.
We are navigating the world wearing armor that others call skin.
We are not all heroes,  but who's going to let us be.
We are subject to words not chosen for others.
We are husbands
We are fathers
We are brothers
We are friends
We are co-workers
We are the lie that every one believes and the truth that no one believes.
We are somebodies sun.

Painting Again

I'm painting again.  It's giving me the ability to sit, concentrate on something with meaning to me and hopefully to others.  I'm reflecting on the happenings in the world.  My latest painting is called Somebodies Sun.  It is an homage to the senseless murders of our Black brothers and sisters at the hands of the police.  This painting is not a statement about the wrong doings of the police or their motives but simply a reminder that someones child is DEAD.

It is an urging for all of us to seek the truth before acting.  If you just take a moment,  the truth will shine through 

the fantasies we believe, 

the lies we tell ourselves,

and the lies we hear.  

But remember, a lie is still a lie even if everyone believes it and the truth is still the truth even if 

no one believes it.

My Responses to a Blackmansdream Questions

1.When did you become a black man? When did you become a man?

I became a Black man at 18 years old.  I was in college and went to a party in Los Angeles with 2 other friends.  We were on our way home and stopped by the Police.   We were told to get out of the car,  get face down on the ground with 3 feet between us.  Each one of us took our turns at having a knee in our backs and asked our names and what we were doing in the area.  We were searched and then told that there had been a robbery in the neighborhood and we fit the description.  Knowing we were nowhere near this supposed robbery we all realized that we were being stopped for driving while Black.  One friend protested a little too much and was punched in the back.  We were then let go when the other Policeman simply said lets go.  Don't think I ever thought of myself as a Black Man before that other than simply knowing that I was black. With those types of stops being on the news all the time I now was able to categorize myself along with the other Black men that had been stopped previously by Police for no reason.

I became a man in my mind when I rented my 1st apartment and could control that environment the way I chose. No more following the rules of others who gave or assisted me with shelter.

2.How would you describe your interaction with other black males in your youth? Adulthood?

In my youth I had a few close black male friends and felt good about the relationships.  We simply enjoyed each others company as we were all learning who we were growing to be.  With others that I wasn't close with I was guarded an always ready to fight.  However, I always knew that they didn't know my secret.  In adulthood I get the feeling that there is competition all the time.  Even when there is nothing to compete for. It's hard to explain but I always feel like there is some type of judgement taking place.

3.What makes you angry? sad? happy?

What makes me angry is not being listened to. What makes me sad is knowing there's nothing I can do about it.  What makes me happy is art of all kinds.  Music, Books, Paintings, and theater.

4.Have you ever dealt with emotional stress directly related to being a black man?

Yes, recently at work I was in a training session.  I was the only black person in the room of approx 20 white people when the facillitator decided to bring levity to the class.  He decided to show several videos of Terry Tate Office Linebacker. This was originally a Super Bowl commercial for Nike. While funny if I was at home, in the work environment I felt it was very inappropriate and a stereotypical depiction of black men being violent, using crazy language and in general being aggressive.  The room exploded with laughter but I didn't and when I told Human Resources after the class that I'd like them to remove the videos from future classes so that no one else would feel the way that this made me feel.  I could tell they felt as if I was overreacting.  From that point on the environment for me changed and I was questioned a lot about my work and accused of behaviors that just weren't true.

5.Have you ever been depressed? What caused it?

Yes I've been depressed a couple of times...once due to a bad relationship and the other due to a person with a superior position at work who wanted to intimidate me.

6.Were you able to express your depression to the people around you? If yes, how did they respond--if no, what stopped you?

Not people at work.  I already knew that whatever I said would have been taken as a complaint and not valued.  Was told by my manager once that I needed to accept the responsibility for my actions.  When speaking to friends they understood but it felt as if this is just par for the course of being black.

7.What has stopped you from expressing yourself emotionally?

Thinking that it would have no value.

8.How were you raised to deal with your emotions?

I wasn't really.  My father never expressed any and my mother would act as if there was no issue or that it wasn't a big deal and I should get over it.

9.How do you feel you're perceived by other black men?

I'm not really sure.  At this point in my life I behave I don't care.  Even if at times I may be affected by their perception.

10.Do you cry? When was the last time you cried and why?

Yes.  I put on an event for the Black LGBT community and felt like people appreciated the experience that I helped develop.  I felt like the event accomplished all that we had hoped.  Then Daniel Black recited a poem that he wrote that spoke to my heart.

11.What has your mother/father told you about expressing your emotions,and when?

Nothing that I can remember. Except..don't let people outside our house know what's going on inside ours.

12. What's the hardest thing about being a male? a black male?

Being a male:  Always feeling like you have to prove yourself.  Being a black male: Having to be smarter, work harder, and still not shown the same level of respect that others with less experience and intelligence as you who are always praised and rewarded. 

13. Whats a repetitive happy dream/day dream you can remember?

Winning the lottery and being able to tell my job to go to hell while not having to worry about sustaining myself.

15. What's a repetitive nightmare you can remember?

Falling.  I think it has to do with not being able to sustain myself or loosing complete control of my life.

Black Men Dream

Blackmendream is a film that I think will cause you pause.  Why you pause will be due to your own experiences.

Click on the picture of film maker Shikeith above to view the film.  Shikeith asks Black men the following questions.  Share your responses if you like.

1.When did you become a black man? When did you become a man?

2.How would you describe your interaction with other black males in your youth? Adulthood?

3.What makes you angry? sad? happy?

4.Have you ever dealt with emotional stress directly related to being a black man?

5.Have you ever been depressed? What caused it?

6.Were you able to express your depression to the people around you? If yes, how did they respond--if no, what stopped you?

7.What has stopped you from expressing yourself emotionally?

8.How were you raised to deal with your emotions?

9.How do you feel you're perceived by other black men?

10.Do you cry? When was the last time you cried and why?

11.What has your mother/father told you about expressing your emotions,and when?

12. What's the hardest thing about being a male? a black male?

13. Whats a repetitive happy dream/day dream you can remember?

15. What's a repetitive nightmare you can remember?

Where Are You?

1st I want to start by saying forgive me Penn State Legal Students for using your picture for my blog but I wanted to illustrate that there are Black Professionals in our communities in every state.

Where are you?

There are many aspiring and seasoned Black Legal Professionals in Legal, Political and many other fields that have influence and knowledge.  It is so disappointing to me that there is not a collaborative thought our conscious that exists in our community.  I know that groups take some work to get started and to create a mission and it takes work to come up with a satisfactory vision that all in the group agree on.  But where are you and what are you thinking about the countless known and unknown incidences that are killing Black men in this country.

My opinion is to use the K.I.S.S theory.  Keep it simple stupid.  If we were able to do this and garner a larger voice in our society then I am certain that decisions in cases such as the Eric Garner, Michael Brown, Trayvon Martin and a host of other cases would not end so tragically.

Why are our professionals sitting back and just watching cases like this unfold from the comfort their televisions, smart phones and other devices that keep us far from taking any action.

I agree with a quote of Thomas Jefferson's that says: "I hold it that a little rebellion now and then is a good thing, and as necessary in the political world as storms in the physical."

Another quote from him:

“When the people fear their government, there is tyranny; when the government fears the people, there is liberty.”

I am not suggesting that we should revolt in the times of old.  However, I am suggesting that we have gained much knowledge of the processes in the Legal and Political landscapes. Thus should use that knowledge to come together and revolt in a brand new and sustainable way.

I am sickened by the ease at which our legal systems have victimized Black men.  I'm disgusted to see the unnecessary deaths and injustices that have occurred agains us.  

My last words are:  Where are you, we need you!?!?!

that's all i can say

I know I haven't blogged in awhile.  But right now this is all I can think to do.  I need to express this.

I went to a young couple's wedding last weekend.  I know we've all been to many.  However, this wedding was very special.  The young bride was pregnant and the young groom so proud and honored to be marrying his best friend.  You see this couple have known each other since they were children.  They lived right next door to each other all while they grew up and grew in love with each other.

I must say that this was one of the best weddings that I have been to in a while.  There was such love all around.  Everyone was filled with joy.  I know it sounds corny to say but I was actually experiencing joy all around me.  Then the dancing started and the floor was filled with everyone just simply having a great time with family, friends, and new acquaintances.  It was really a special wedding.

As we were leaving the reception the young bride was seated with her feet up and her mother, mother-in-law and close girlfriends surrounding her rubbing her feet and making her feel comfortable.  The wedding and excitement must have been stressful on her body.

Fast forward to today.  I get a text message telling me to pray for the couple as she is in the hospital with a condition called Non-Immune Hydrops Fetalis (sort of like a fetal heart attack).  The mortality rate is 60-90%.  It's a rare condition that occurs in 1-2000 births.

40 minutes later another text that the baby no longer has a heartbeat.  The mother's health is in danger.  The baby will be aborted and the doctors will be working on the mother.

I am praying for a positive outcome for the mother.  My thoughts  and prayers are with this young couple and their families.

I just don't know what to say right now…I don't know what I'll say later…What does this mean?  The outpouring of love that will be bestowed upon this couple will be enormous.  I do hope that they will recover from this tragedy mentally healthy from the healing of all of our love.

that's all i can say

Trayvon Martin & Fruitvale

I have no words.

Oh Happy Day and What Cha Gonna Do For Me

Oh Happy Day!!!!

A couple of weeks ago I had a colonoscopy and polyps were found.  Just 2.

When polyps are found, they are removed and then perform a biopsy to check for cancer.  I am soo happy to say that no cancer was found.

Not only am I happy because I don't have cancer!  I'm happy because I don't think I could take an additional piece of news that is not favorable at this time in my life.

Now I'm happy in my relationship but work life has been anything but happiness for me.



Last week an announcement was made to our department that there would be restructuring of our organization.  Now everybody knows what that means.  Yep!  Layoffs!

We were told that once we left the department meeting that we would have an invitation to a meeting with our management that would tell us what the new organization would be.

Sure enough as soon as we got back to our desks there were meeting appointments.  I always look to see who else is invited to meetings that are sent to me.  Low and behold there were only about 10 people on my list.  I went to the meeting in one of our conference rooms on a different floor from where I sit.

When walking into the room what I observed was the following:

• 2 other employees already seated in the u-shaped set up conference room
• Boxes of kleenex on the table
• An HR representative on the left side of the room
• Our VP at the front of the U-shaped table set up sitting on the desk with a piece of paper in his hand.

Nothing was said to us except "Hello".   Then the VP announced that we would get started in a few more minutes while those dialing into the meeting phoned in.  (Can't believe they did this by phone.)  Anyway, the VP announced that he wanted to read a statement because he felt it was very important that he didn't miss anything and that we heard al the details.  I'm thinking to myself do you think we don't know what this is about simply because of the boxes of kleenex on the table dumb ass??

Can't remember exactly how it was read, but ultimately the message was that we will not be a part of the new organization and that we have a sheet with another appointment on it so that HR can explain to you what your severance package will be commencing in 2 months.

I'm riddled with multiple emotions…none of which involve tears.  I'm happy and scared.  Happy because I've been so disgusted by the direction of the company and my group.  Scared because I am unsure of what the future holds for me.  The hardest part of this whole thing is the amount of work that they are asking me to do to support the efforts of outsourcing my job to …yes you guessed it…to a company in India!  So I'm asking the universe..

What Cha Gonna Do For Me?????

Ain't Nobody Got Time for Dat!

I've been having a lot of hard days at work lately.  Sweet Brown expresses my sentiment quite nicely.  There are things happening in corporate america that are quite underhanded just to make a dollar when in reality there isn't a dollar to make.
If you are of a certain age or complexion beware.  I'm just saying.  

I've gotta make a change…I just don't have time for this anymore!

Corporate Slavery

It's happening and it's not as subtle as it used to be.  It's just more calculated.  It came on quickly. I can tell it's something that happens in the rooms where we are not invited.  It happens when we walk away from out desks.

 I gotta think about this.  I gotta think what to do.  I gotta think…

They are after me now.  I gotta think.

Why are Black people  letting this happen again?  Didn't our leaders of the past work themselves to death and were killed so that we wouldn't have to change who we are?  Weren't we good enough just the way we were?  What happen to cause us to change our demeanor and the way that we speak just because we walked into that Corporate office?  Hmmm reminds me of Slavery Days when we pasted big smiles on our faces and and held our heads a little low so that we weren't looking them straight in the eyes.

Comments like, "You're very passionate" are not compliments.  "You're emotional" is just another way of saying that you are unstable.  "The way you say things can be viewed as offensive." In other words I don't like you being direct.

Now that that's been drilled into you over and over again the comments are:   You're not engaged, You don't seem happy, Do you think you're being a team player?

Black people….what do you think you need to do?  Many of you don't know because the leaders that fought and died for our equality didn't teach you how what the fight was really all about.  Didn't teach you that we have strength that could sustain us for hundreds of years.  Don't think just because you're educated that your accepted.  Don't think because of civil rights and diversity initiatives that you are save. The world is getting smaller and Black people need to realize that.

The jobs that we fought for are now being done by consultants from foreign countries and sometimes completely moved to other countries.  Think about the the calls you make to customer service.  Most times you're not getting someone in Idaho but in India or the Philippines.

We gotta think..what's going to sustain us?   Not the handouts of Diversity programs that do not sustain those it employes.  We gotta think….what's our next move?

FINDING AND KEEPING A LIFE PARTNER

Golden rules for finding your life partner 

 
 When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, no one wants to make a mistake. Yet, with a divorce rate of close to 50%,  it appears that many are making serious mistakes in their approach to
 finding Mr./Miss. Right! 
 If you ask most couples who are engaged why they're getting married, they'll say: "We're in love"; I believe this is the #1 mistake people make when they date. Choosing a life partner should never be based on love.

 Though this may sound "not politically correct", there' s a profound truth here. Love is not the basis for getting married. Rather, love is the result of a good marriage. When the other ingredients are right, then 
the love will com e. Let me say it again:

 "You can't build a lifetime relationship on love alone"; You need a lot more!!!

 Here are five questions you must ask yourself if you're serious about finding and keeping a life partner.

 QUESTION ..1: Do we share a common life purpose?

 Why is this so important? Let me put it this way: If you're married for 20 or 30 years, that's a long time to live with someone. What do you plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat and jog together? You 
need to share something deeper and more meaningful. You need a common life purpose.

 Two things can happen in a marriage:

 (1) You can grow together, or
 (2) You can grow apart.

 50% of the people out there are growing apart. To make a marriage work, you need to know what t you want out of life! Bottom line; and marry someone who wants the same thing.

 QUESTION ..2: Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with this person?

 This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship.
 Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The basis of having good communication is trust - i.e. trust that I won't get "punished" ; or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings. A colleague's of mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings. Be honest with yourself on this one. Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person you plan to marry.

 QUESTION..3: Is he/she a mensch?

 A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person. How can you test? Here are some suggestions.
 Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis?
 Are they serious about improving themselves?
 A teacher of mine defines a good person as "someone who is always striving to be good and do the right ";.So ask about your Significant other What do they do with their time? Is this person materialistic?
 Usually a materialistic person is not someone whose top priority is character refinement.

 There are essentially two types of people in the world:
 (1) People who are dedicated to personal growth and
 (2) People who are dedicated to seeking comfort.
 Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing.
 You need to know that before walking down the aisle.

 QUESTION..4: How does he/she treat other people?

 The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is the ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give another person pleasure.  Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they
 wrapped up in themselves and self-absorbed? To measure this, think about the following:

 How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as waiters, bus boys, taxi drivers, etc. ..
 How do they treat their parents and siblings?
 Do they have gratitude and appreciation? If they don't have gratitude for the people who have given them everything;
 Can you do nearly as much for them? You can be sure that someone who treats others poorly, will eventually treat you poorly as well.





 QUESTION ..5: Is there anything I'm hoping to change about this person after we're married?

 Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of trying to "improve"; them after they're married. As a colleague of mine puts it: "You can probably expect someone to change after marriage for the  worse" If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now, then  you are not ready to marry them.

 In conclusion, dating doesn't have to be difficult and treacherous.  The key is to try leading a little more with your head and less with your heart.

 It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating; to be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues. Falling in love is a great feeling, but when you wake up with a ring on your finger, 
You don't want to find yourself in trouble because you didn't do your homework.

 Another perspective. ....

 There are some people in your life that need to be loved from a distance....

 It's amazing what you can accomplish when you let go of or at least minimize your time with draining, negative, incompatible, not-going anywhere relationships. 
Observe the relationships around you.
 Pay attention... . 
 Which ones lift and which ones lean? Which ones encourage and which ones discourage? Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are going downhill? When you leave certain people do you feel better or feel worse? Which ones always have drama or don't really understand, know, or appreciate you?

 The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind, love and truth around you...the easier it will become for you to decide who gets to sit in the front row and who should be moved to the balcony of your life.

 An African proverb states, "Before you get married, keep both eyes open, and after you marry, close one eye"; Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, don't let lust, pity, desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a low self-esteem make you blind to warning signs. Keep your eyes open, and don't fool yourself that you can change someone or that what you see as faults aren't really that important.

 Do you bring out the best in each other?
 Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete, compare and control?
 What do you bring to the relationship?
 Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain?

 You can't take someone to the altar to alter them.
 You can't make someone love you or make someone stay.

 If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and "a life"; you won't find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness or responsible for your pain. Seeking status, sex, and security are the wrong reasons to be in a relationship.

 WHAT KEEPS A RELATIONSHIP STRONG ARE:
 1. TRUST
 2. COMMUNICATION
 3. INTIMACY
 4. A SENSE OF HUMOR
 5. SHARING TASKS
 6. SOME GETAWAY TIME WITHOUT BUSINESS OR CHILDREN
 7. DAILY EXCHANGES (meal, shared activity, hug, call, touch, notes,
 8. SHARING COMMON GOALS AND INTERESTS
 9. GIVING EACH OTHER SPACE TO GROW WITHOUT FEELING INSECURE
 10. GIVING EACH OTHER A SENSE OF BELONGING AND ASSURANCES OF COMMITMENT

Ten Guidelines From God

My previous post was written out of pure frustration.  God works in mysterious ways.  Earlier this evening I was thinking about my Friend/Nephew, Marlon who passed away and found an old email that he sent me  titled Guidelines from God.  Normally I usually delete these chain like emails but for some reason I kept this.  I know I never read it before today but for some reason I kept it.  I'm glad that I did.  This email has changed the way that I was feeling.  I hope that if you are feeling down it does the same for you.  

Thank you Marlon, I miss and love you.

Ten Guidelines From God

Effective Immediately,

please be aware that there are changes YOU need

to make in YOUR life. These changes need to be

completed in order that I may fulfill My promises

to you to grant you peace, joy and happiness in

this life. I apologize for any inconvenience,

but after all that I am doing, this seems very

little to ask of you. Please, follow

these 10 guidelines

1. QUIT WORRYING: Life has dealt you a blow and all you do is sit and worry. Have you forgotten that I am here to take all your burdens and carry them for you? Or do you just enjoy fretting over every little thing that comes your way?  2. PUT IT ON THE LIST: Something needs done or taken care of. Put it on the list. No, not YOUR list. Put it on MY to-do-list. Let ME be the one to take care of the problem.. I can't help you until you turn it over to Me. And although My to-do-list is long, I am after all... God. I can take care of anything you put into My hands. In fact, if the truth were ever really known, I take care of a lot of things for you that you never even realize.  3. TRUST ME: Once you've given your burdens to Me, quit trying to take them back. Trust in Me. Have the faith that I will take care of all your needs, your problems and your trials. Problems with the kids? Put them on My list. Problem with finances? Put it on My list. Problems with your emotional roller coaster? For My sake, put it on My list. I want to help you. All you have to do is ask.  4. LEAVE IT ALONE: Don't wake up one morning and say, "Well, I'm feeling much stronger now, I think I can handle it from here." Why do you think you are feeling stronger now? It's simple. You gave Me your burdens and I'm taking care of them. I also renew your strength and cover you in my peace. Don't you know that if I give you these problems back, you will be right back where you started? Leave them with Me and forget about them. Just let Me do my job.  5. TALK TO ME: I want you to forget a lot of things... Forget what was making you crazy. Forget the worry and the fretting because you know I'm in control. But there's one thing I pray you never forget. Please, don't forget to talk to Me - OFTEN! I love YOU! I want to hear your voice. I want you to include Me in on the things going on in your life. I want to hear you talk about your friends and family. Prayer is simply you having a conversation with Me. I want to be your dearest friend..  6. HAVE FAITH: I see a lot of things from up here that you can't see from where you are. Have faith in Me that I know what I'm doing. Trust Me; you wouldn't want the view from My eyes. I will continue to care for you, watch over you, and meet your needs. You only have to trust Me. Although I have a much bigger task than you, it seems as if you have so much trouble just doing your simple part. How hard can trust be?  7. SHARE: You were taught to share when you were only two years old. When did you forget? That rule still applies. Share with those who are less fortunate than you. Share your joy with those who need encouragement. Share your laughter with those who haven't heard any in such a long time. Share your tears with those who have forgotten how to cry. Share your faith with those who have none.  8. BE PATIENT: I managed to fix it so in just one lifetime you could have so many diverse experiences. You grow from a child to an adult, have children, change jobs many times, learn many trades, travel to so many places, meet thousands of people, and experience so much. How can you be so impatient then when it takes Me a little longer than you expect to handle something on My to-do-list? Trust in My timing, for My timing is perfect. Just because I created the entire universe in only six days, everyone thinks I should always rush, rush, rush.  9. BE KIND : Be kind to others, for I love them just as much as I love you. They may not dress like you, or talk like you, or live the same way you do, but I still love you all. Please try to get along, for My sake. I created each of you different in some way. It would be too boring if you were all identical. Please, know I love each of your differences.  10.. LOVE YOURSELF: As much as I love you, how can you not love yourself? You were created by me for one reason only -- to be loved, and to love in return. I am a God of Love. Love Me. Love your neighbors. But also love yourself. It makes My heart ache when I see you so angry with yourself when things go wrong. You are very precious to me. Don't ever forget......

Happy, Safe, Weird and Grateful

I've been dating someone.  Things have been progressing organically well.  Organic..he brought that word into our discussion about  our current state.

I feel happy, safe, weird and grateful.

Happy because this brotha makes me smile!
Safe - Why is that even an issue for me at the age that I am right now but that's the word that came out of my head.  I feel like he's trustworthy.
Weird because I've never dated anyone except for my 1st that I didn't use any qualifiers to describe them.  You know...I like him but he just got laid off, he's nice to me but his mother is his best friend and takes up a lot of his time...etc...you get the gist.
Grateful that he is thoughtful and thinks about me and lets me know it even when he's not around.

I have a saying that I always use...Enjoy the moment...Well right now I am not only enjoying the moments I am looking forward and anticipating the moments with him.

Things are easy with him.  I must say I put into the universe awhile ago that I wanted to be with someone that it would be easy to get to know.  From our 1st date the conversation flowed for 4 hours when I think we both thought it might be an hour drink at a local bar.

This is different for me and I'm relishing in it.  Speak into existence what it is you really want and it shall be yours.

It's scary writing things like this because my old self would say, now watch this end in a few more weeks. Throwing that negativity away cuz this feels real.  I'm not naive by any stretch of the word and I am paying attention to the things he says and does.  They all match!  No question that I've asked has he not answered straightfowardly. No flags of doubt have surfaced.  This feels good.

What you gonna do?

Are you in a relationship where you questioned something? Was it something that he said, did, didn't say or doesn't do?

Did you ask what was going on with him?

Did he answer?

Now what you gonna do?

Colored

I am old enough to remember when people referred to each other as colored. It's funny how it didn't mean very much back then and Black people weren't offended by it. I also, remember when being called colored was not a good thing, and Negro was the thing to be called. Then came Afro-American, Black and African-American. Our name changes signified change in our psyche.

No matter what we've been called we've suffered. Men and Women.

I saw the movie For Colored Girls today. If you've never read the book of poetry you should so that you hear it in your own voice and let it give you a vision of what the women in the poetry are feeling. When the book For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide When the Rainbow is Enuf was 1st published it was a voice for women who were in plain sight abused. I think if not for this voice Black women might see themselves differently than they do today. At least in their minds, if not in reality. In the past performances of this work the women do not interact. Personally I thought it was good to have them be connected in similar vein as the movie Crash.

Some reviewers will have you to believe that the story is dated and that some of the directorial choices are trite. See for yourselves and don't let others who have no reference whatsoever of some Black women's past that still exists but now covertly with subtle nuances that manage to hide the voices of Black women dealing with pain once again.

One might say that the poem and the movie paint a picture of Black men that we'd like to keep hidden not unlike our dirty laundry when company comes to visit. However, the images may offend and seem dramatic but in my opinion resonate a sickness that exists even today.

The performances in the movie were stellar. See for yourself before following a reviewer with probably no point of reference or color.

What can we do?

I know that there has been a lot of media coverage about teen bullying and suicide. However, there seems to be a lot of talk about it but I don't really see anything being done to prevent it. This horrible trend is increasing rather than decreasing.

I had written a post about a young black man that reportedly committed suicide. I have since found out that it was a hoax. On top of all the disturbing things regarding teen suicide people are now playing games about it...disgusting.

Interestingly enough I can not find this article on the LGBTNATION's website anylonger. Maybe it's true that this article was false or a hoax. However, my comments related to this subject still stand, whether Terrell is a real victim or not.

Every channel has coverage about this trend, it's sensational, is appalling, it's heinous. Talking to parents about it doesn't seem to be the answer as I see it. Oprah asking parents to pay attention to their kids is not working either. Somehow these kids need to feel empowered to take action and protect themselves without fear of retribution.

Think

Speak

Act

Do it your way

It's time to do it your way. I don't care what it is. Do it your way. Others may not like the way you do it. But it's you that you live for. It's you that you must please.

A Leo Day

A friend called me a couple of days ago and told me that he wanted to give me and a girlfriend of ours our birthday presents early. All 3 of us are Leos. So being the Leo's that she and I are we wanted more information. What should we wear, where are you taking us, what is the all about, etc. Well our Leo friend was not giving up any information except to be at his house at 2pm on Saturday.

Of course I was running a little late because I live on the other side of town and L.A. traffic was horrendous due to the warm weather we've been having. Everyone was out. So at 2pm when I called to tell him that I was approximately 15 mins away. He boomed into the phone, "You're going to ruin the surprise!" Ok I said, I'll hurry as fast as I can.

When I arrived at his house I noticed the that big picture window's curtains were drawn. I don't think I've ever seen these curtains closed. OMG what is he up to I thought. I rang the door and he opened up the 4 inch door within the door to peer out at me. What is going on??? He just said are you ready. Now if anyone knows a Leo you know that we do not liked to be surprised. Well I take that back we just don't like to know that there is a surprise waiting for us. If you're going to surprise a Leo just do it don't tell them you're going to surprise them.

He opens the door finally and he's standing there in a beautiful black and gold robe. As I walked in to the side of him was a Hispanic man with a chiseled body in black boxer briefs and holding another robe for me. He man put the robe on me and guided me into the next room. When I walked in I saw my girlfriend laying on a massage table being massaged by a very attractive brother dressed only in briefs. My mouth dropped.

My friend had paid for massages for the 3 of us. I was given a Mimosa, chocolate covered strawberries, cheese, crackers, salami slices and other fruit. I was to say the least in a state of shock. In fact I was finding myself nervous. I had never received a professional massage before. I'd always been a little fearful of someone other than a lover touching my body. As my girlfriend's massage was finishing it was my turn next. I changed into only my underwear and robe.

As I disrobed and laid on the table the massage began and my heart was racing. However, once this brotha began massaging me I felt a sense of relaxation that was far from what my imagination attempted to make me believe. I was nearly asleep by the end of the massage by this beautiful man. He was professional and I'm glad to say that my Massage Cherry was broken by a beautiful brotha.

Once he left we were lead to the dinning room that was decorated in choclate brown and white with a large vase full of boganvia floating in the water and cascading down the sides of the vase. We then were indulged with a light Chinese Chicken Salad and more libations. After we finished with our meal the 3 of us blew out the candles on our birthday cake.

What an absolutely wonderful surprise that I will never forget. Now I need to think what am I going to get my friend for his birthday! Lawd help!!!!