On an Island

I'm somewhere on an island

languishing in the warmth of the night.

My thoughts are traveling farther than I have.

Possibilities of the future excite and cause me apprehension.

I'm somewhere on an island languishing in the warmth of the night.

I'm somewhere on an island, only in my mind.

Cause and Affect

Last week was not a good week. A woman that I've known for 11 years committed suicide. She was young, only 32 years old. She had a promising career that was escalating rapidly. She was engaged to be married on May 29th to a guy that also worked at my company. Her fiance found out while he was at his bachelor's party 4 hours drive away. One can only imagine how he must have felt to hear this news.

The assumption around the company is that she battled with depression. If there was a note left we'll probably not know the details of it. It's bad enough that she did it.

When things like this happen one wonders why someone would do this. Depression has many levels and when one goes to this length to end their life they assuredly are at the highest level. We've all been depressed and most are able to recover from it.

What was she going through that she could not handle? Did she feel that she didn't have anyone to talk to? Was it something that someone said to trigger it? Again, I'll never have the answer for these questions.

As Black men we keep a lot of our feelings close to us. Are we suseptible to such depressions. Probably so. I used to have friends in the same city that I could talk to. Many have died and some have moved. I write in my blog to help me through the times when it's not convenient for those far away to listen.

I had a small disagreement with someone that I care about on the same day that I found out about this suicide. They had no idea. Would our conversation have been different had they known. I'm not sure. I do know that after the disagreement I was very perturbed. Depressed no. Saddened yes.

Perhaps it's the ones that we care about who are at fault for the depression that we feel. Is it that one doesn't feel safe to share what's on their mind? Do we quickly map out the conversation with those we care about in our minds, knowning that they won't give emotionally what's needed?

Scientifically, one might say that most suicides are caused by a chemical imbalance and should have been treated with regular medication. Probably so. After the medication has run it's alotted course, for those in need of it, I believe the conversations with those they care about come crashing back to haunt and taunt them? The disagreement I had keeps coming back to me.

Along with the disagreement this suicide news warranted me to drive to San Diego to find some solice. I didn't tell anyone what happened there. I didn't want forced empathy. I wanted to enjoy feeling safe and loved to gear me up for the memorial service tomorrow. This service won't be easy because the story of these lives held so much promise.

You never know how words affect anyone. Especially if they don't tell you. I hope this disagreement with my friend will be resolved with out pain. I don't know how I affected him, he doesn't know how he affected me.

All I know is that there is always a cause and effect.

Hope Act Change

What's a man to do?

I haven't been blogging lately because there are so many thoughts and words going through my head that I can't seem to focus on one thought right now.

Kinda wishing I was a kid again when I didn' t have any worries other than who I was going to play with outside. Novel concept in today's world...you don't even see kids playing outside anymore.

So for now just trying to calm my thoughts down and focus my attention on the things that need to be done. And doing those things in a way that satisfies me. My blog is a place where I liked to express my thoughts and emotions. Right now I need to keep them to myself.

It won't take me too long to come back to myself.

I Carry Your Heart With Me

i carry your heart with me

i carry it in my heart

i am never without it

anywhere i go you go,my dear;

and whatever is done by only me is your doing,my darling
i fear no fate for you are my fate,my sweet

i want no world for beautiful you are my world,

my true and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;

which grows higher than soul can hope or mind can hide
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart

i carry it in my heart

By E E Cummings

Wouldn't this be a nice thing to hear from someone that loves you? Even if you don't hear this I hope you feel it when you find someone that has the courage and strength to show you their love for you.

Know Your Truth

I was browsing blogs this morning and came accross this youtube post from Amourpropre. This brotha is 27 and he felt like he lost his truth. When you view the video post, you'll see what I mean.

It's so funny how we loose our truth. The truth being that we know who we are and what we want in life. Unfortunately, the desire for something is what sometimes takes you away from your truth. This separation from the truth can happen at any age and sometimes it can happen over and over again. It's the desire that takes us away.

I admire this brotha for so eloquently exposing himself so that others might learn from him. No matter the situation that is taking you away from your truth. There will be times when you will have to ask yourself if you are living your truth.

Ask yourself if you are living your truth.

I pray that you are.

Happy Easter

Yesterday

Nothing more needs to be said.

Just click this.

Be A Man About It

When did motha fukahs get so sensitive and weak that they can't tell you how they really feel? Or are they just being shady and sneeky?

Whatever the case maybe I don't have time for it. I'm not a mind reader and don't really like to mince words. Especially when you're supposed to be my friend or someone that I care about.

Unfortunately, I tend not to let go of folks like this so easy because of what I presume our relationship is. I'm only going to try to work it out on my own for a little while though.

Then I'm done. It's Alright- Ledisi

(Sorry for the cussin. It just pisses me off.)

Grace

Living in California you at many times get the opportunity to meet celebrities and some psuedo celebrities, depending on your circle of friends and profession. Although they are people just like you and me, often times they behave as if they are super people. They will instantly bring adjectives such as, arrogant, pompous, shady, mean, and many more to mind.

I had the opportunity to meet Trenyce a finalist from American Idol season 2 today. None of those words entered my mind. She performed for an event that we had at my company and I must say that she was extremely professional. Her spirit was genuine and she was in a word the epitome of Grace.

Her performance and professionalism was more than I could have hoped for. If you don't know sometimes you gotta check some celebrities cuz they can be rather ghetto for lack of a better word. Not Trenyce and If you ever have the opportunity to be in her presence you will enjoy every second of it.

Here's a couple of Youtube songs where you can hear some new songs from her. Click here

Auuuughhh

I just gotta tell this story because it still leaves me weak when I think of it. Last month I had my performance review at work. I hate those damn things for so many reason that I'm not going to get into here. Anyway, at my company they require employees to suggest a minimum of 3 people for your manager to solicit feedback on your performance. These 3 people must be someone that you have worked with during the year.

You never know who said what during your review unless the person solicited replies with something that identifies them. Usually the managers won't divulge information to give you a clue. Just general statements that anyone could make good or bad. Sometimes they don't even mention it.

During my review my manger told me that she recieved good feedback from the 3 people that I suggested. She documented two sentences that were positive. That all sounds good. However, she then revealed to me that she solicited additional responses after receiving the responses from those I suggested. Not unusual at all. Until she told me that she solicited 10 additional people to give feedback! She was surprised at the responses and said that this had never happened before. What had never happened before was her evil intentions not developing as she planned. All of the responses came back positive!! Fuckin Bitch!

I didn't react during this meeting because, like I said I don't care about these reviews and any negative reaction is just something else to be added to the next review. The thing that bothered me was her persistence in attempting to find negative feedback. 10 additional people solicited is abnormal. I'm positive that she tried 3 more and they came back positive so she kept going until she was exhausted or ran out of time before the deadline.

Thank you Lord for not allowing her weapons formed against me to prosper, but sometimes things like this cause me moments of weakness. It just makes me tired.

I was depressed.

There was a time when I was depressed. I felt like everyone around me took little pieces of my soul. They took those pieces and threw them to the side with the junk mail. At their whim they took those pieces and bounced them off the wall. Then threw it back with the junk mail to contemplate throwing out with the trash. There was a time when I was depressed. I felt like I was all alone in a room and no one could hear my cries for help. No one saw me crying. No one cared if I was crying. No one took the time to see. There was a time when I was depressed.

Who are these people that attempt to circumvent your world of peace with their malicious folly? Well I realized who they were. They are the ones that were depressed and not me. They are the ones whose souls were in pieces not mine. They were the ones who were crying and didn't want anyone to know.

I realized that I have a good life. I realized that I'm a good man with good intentions. I realized that my love is precious and abundant. I have more than enough to give. I realized my soul is whole. I realized that I am loved. Cuz I love me and it feels so good.

Along time ago I was only dreaming and now I'm awake with reality.

No Words

I simply have no words right now and just going to be still and think.

Think about me. Think about what people ask of me. Think about what people think of me and how they show it to me.

Just be still and think.

What's Your Man Saying?

On Aol today they had an article on Why Men Don't Communicate. This part of the article stuck out to me.

Guys Are More Comfortable With Actions Than Feelings
Rather than talking about how he "feels," often a man would rather express his love by changing her oil, or bringing home a flower, or relinquishing control of the remote.
And when men do talk, they'd prefer to talk about actions rather than emotions. For instance, a lot of guys would choose to express their long-range faith in a relationship by talking about next summer's vacation plans, not by launching into a soliloquy about undying love.
Both conversations can mean the same thing (that he plans on sticking around); he just prefers to say it with plane tickets, rather than poetry. It's one of the reasons men are more comfortable talking at work (the practical universe) than they are at home (the castle that emotion built). But you can bring out his great communicator by making him feel more like he's operating in work mode, even when the topic at hand is your love life. Here's an incredible article, "The Home Office," that shows how he can use his best office skills for great success at home.

I thought this section of the article was pretty good. Sometimes in person the words just don't come to me because of my day at work or I'm in that mode of just trying to forget all that happened at work and unwind. I think living alone has caused that period to last longer than it probably should. I know sometimes that I can write down how I feel a lot better than I can verbally express it. So I think for men in relationships with men we probably need to pay attention to the things he does a little more than what he says.

As the old saying goes...I can show you better than I can tell you. I guess that fits me to the T. Unless you piss me off then I can find all kinds of words. Even then I still need to take a min to determine how the situation has affected me.

The article ended with this: It's clear that some men are just plain tired of feeling like they're on the witness stand. They're not necessarily hiding anything; many guys simply prefer not to have to relate confusing feelings that they may not even understand themselves.
An age-old tactic can make things better: Back off a little, give him room to operate in a conversation, and he's more likely to open up.

Am I the only one that is like this?

A Valentine Future

What better way to be in the world but with your Valentine.

An unconventional meeting that surprises you.

Hearing a song that explains your feelings.

Sitting in the movies holding hands.

Waiting in the parking lot for him to arrive.

With all your heart wanting to protect him from harm.

A table for two at a cafe sipping wine.

The smile in his eyes when you say his name.

When he talks you out of the pain from the past.

Having a 3 hour lunch that you don't want to end.

Learning to love again.

Together dashing out of an event that has lulled in excitment.

His head in your lap as he slumbers after a long day.

Moments of silence but knowing he's there.

A soft kiss at the end of an evening.

Feeling his strength when walks in a room.

Knowing all those old love games are through.

Doubling back to make sure he's ok.

Knowing I'll be there.

He checks you when you're wrong.

The small of his back and nape of his neck.

He fearlessly brings you food and vitamins when your not well.

Experiencing the horizon leaning forward offering you space to place new steps of change.

Being the best of friends.

The way your name drips from his lips melodically.

Eliminating the fear driven insecurities.

Planning life together.

A Valentine Future is on it's way.

A Valentine Future to love always.

Happy Valentine's Day!

To all those who read this on Valentine's Day, love as you want to be loved. Open your heart and let them see.

Black Pain

Our lives begin the day we are silent about things that matter - Martin Luther King, Jr.

I'm gonna start off like this... I'm not one to read all those self-help books. I actually think they're pretty silly and everything that's in them people already know already anyway. However, there has been one idea that I have talked about in the past that I did get the DVD for The Secret. Now I know a lot of people have heard of it and some get it and some don't.




I can completely understand that becasue what the secret doesn't tell you is how to get rid of the negative thoughts that we all have. Simple thoughts like, oh I'm not going to pass this test or I doubt they're going to give me the job, etc. It just tells you not to have those thoughts because that's what you'll get. Which I firmly believe.



I went to a booksigning yesterday that was sponsored by my job at EsoWon Bookstore. All I knew was the title of the book..Black Pain. I take that back I knew it was about depression but that's about it. Didn't even know the author's name. Was just going out as a business obligation sort of.



Anyway, once the Author came in I recognized her as the Author of a book that I read years ago and have tried to make a part of how I deal with people. The Personal Touch. The Author is Terrie M. Williams. Well now after she went through a dibilitating depression she wrote this book that discusses depression. She says that we all have depression and it all comes from something in our lives that we just have not dealt with. Well that's a given. But what she emphasizes is our finding out what these things are and talking about them. I guess I kinda did that with my previous post What's Inside?

Black people don't talk about our pain and this is what she stresses that we need to do. In my mind have have always known that much of our pain and depression stems from slavery. I know some white people might say oh here they go talking about slavery again but it was a pivitol event in our culture, that's shaped not only who we were but who we are today.

Think about this. Did you come from a family that always told you that they loved you? Many of us haven't. It's not that they didn't but more than likely was inherited from Slavery. Slaves couldn't express love freely to their loved as to either try to mask their pain of possibly never seeing a family member again or so that the vindictive master didn't take out his viciousness on our family members.

I haven't started reading Black Pain yet but I plan to...and I think that this book will be a good companion with The Secret in teaching me how to get rid of my Black Pain. Cuz I for one and tired of masking the pain that I have to endure 5 days a week constantly feeling like I have to prove myself to my white counterparts at the workplace whom I always more productive than without recognition.

Are you ready to rid yourself of pain?

After The Rain

It has finally stopped raining in LA. Thank God cuz I have a leak from one of my decks and it was causing me much grief. Now the workman are finally getting that together so I'll be ready for the next big rain and not have to fight the water from messing up my floors and everything else.

A while ago I said I was going to take a picture of something each day just to stay creative and to make sure I noticed things that I may not normally. If your a regular reader of my blog you know that didn't happen. LOL

Anyway since it was so clear after the rains I decided to take some pictures. Here's a couple one from my office window and one as I was driving through my neighborhood down to Sunset Blvd on my way to work.

What's Inside?

Black men have been brutalized by the media, family, employers, friends, women and significant others psychologically and physically.

It's no wonder we keep our feelings tucked deep inside.

Only a Black man knows the pain I'm talking about. It's deep in our guts.

Sometimes you just want to scream, but you better not!!

If you do someone will see that pain and they'll be scared and irrationally defend themselves against you.

Black men we have to heal each other.

Can't we trust each other enough to take a look inside?

Cheater!!!!

I went to a screening of TRUE GRIT(S): A Faux Cinema Verite' Docu-dramedy tonight. It was an entertaining movie. The documentary portion of the movie discussed cheating and then after the screening disussion was had on the subject of being cheated on or having cheated.

One of the main questions was, what is cheating? My opinion is this...if you about about to do something that you think your partner would not be pleased about than it is more than likely cheating. Whether it is simply flirting of chatting on line. However, just like in the movie I believe that you must have these discussions when getting into a relationship with someone. The definition of cheating can be varied depending on who you talk to. So in order to dispell any doubts in your mind find out.

Click on the link above to see a very small portion of True Grits. I hope one day you'll be able to see the entire film. You can also visit their blog The Ghetto Savants by clicking on this link.

What is cheating to you?

Warrior Alert

You know I try to be positive but this is one thing that irks me to no end and I just gotta talk about.

I went to the Abbey with a friend from out of town and someone I started dating last night. Now I'm not one to feel like the person I'm dating has to be all up under me all night long. I do realize that the day I met this person was not the day that they came to life. Same thing goes for me I wasn't just born the day they met me. So with that said I know we all have a past and know people that each other may not understand the relationships so it's really nothing to trip over.

However, you should pay attention. Especially when you can tell that someone is trying to push up on your date in a sexual manner. I know we are all men and being flirted with is good for our egos. However, if I feel that your efforts to ward off an obviously intoxicated horndog are not successful. I will take note of it and take matters into my own hands. I had to do that last night. I'm just glad it didn't get ugly. I'm not sure what it is about me but in some situations I become this warrior ready for battle. No opponent is too big or too small cuz I'm going to do damage.

Last night fortunately, I didn't have to do any damage but I did need to step in and rescue my friend from a leach that was causing my blood to boil. Without any words to the fool I grabbed my Friend by the hand and lead him in another direction. That seemed to stop all that action. Thank goodness cuz like I said I become a warrior and my words and actions were on the verge of becoming volatile.

FIVE RULES FOR GAY MEN TO FOLLOW

A friend of mine sent this to me so I can't take credit for this. Here are the rules as someone sees it.

1. It's important to have a man, who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.

2. It's important to have a man who can make you laugh.

3. It's important to have a man who you can trust and who doesn't lie to you.

4. It's important to have a man who is good in bed and who likes to be with you .

5. It's very, very, very important that these four men do not know each other.

One through 4 were real good. I'm working on something right now and I'm positive that those 1st 4 exist in just this one person. I gotta test some of it out though. LOL. Number 5...now that's just a dayum shame. funny though

Time waits for no one so you better work on those 1st 4 people.

Sang I Said!

You might not know this about me but I love love love to hear good singing. There have been times when hearing a singer who is able to get their audience to feel the song causes tears to form in my eyes. I wrote awhile back that if there was one gift that I wish I had it would be to be able to sing. I think everyone has the capability to carry a toon (if taught). But to really really be able to sing is a gift from God.

This post is of two young men Craig and Lewis who have that gift. They didn' t make me cry but with the right song and delivery I think they could. Such a simple song that they took and colored. Take a listen, you'll smile.

The Brady Bunch click on their name above to go to their myspace.

A New Year

It's a new year now and this is the time when folks make resolutions and promises to themselves that this or that is going to change. Well I'm not making any of those types of promises to myself. I'm just going to continue to do what I have been doing and that is to do the best that I can with this life. There are things that I would like to improve in my life and just like last year I was working on them..so if I didn't complete them last year I still have this year.

Don't let this world put pressure on you and tell you that you need to do this with your life in any specified amount of time. Whose life is it afterall. It's yours so your goals are only limited by you. And when I say limits don't take that in a negative conotation. Limits to me are what I can handle when I'm ready to handle them.

For me the holiday season was nice and relaxing. I don't go all out and make a big fuss out of things anymore during the seasons. I guess being single that sometimes you find out by fussing at these stressful times you become disappointed. So that stress is now relieved from me. As Jackie Washington said in Jackie's Back..."Because What? Thank you. Say No More!"

Each day is a brand new day...so live it as such. If you can set something up to benefit you tomorrow then by all means do so...but if you can't. Why stress over it.

Forgive me I know I'm rambling.

Happy New Year!!!

Haven't had much to say lately but wanted to wish you all a very

Happy and Prosperous New Year!

May you all stay in good health and surround yourselves with people who are genuine, honest, and who add positive impact to your lives.

What To Do?

I watch a DVD today titled Twilight of the Golds. It was about a woman who found out that she was pregnant. Her husband, a doctor that does research on genes that can tell you all sorts of things about a child even at the early stages of pregnancy. When they found out she was pregnant they decided to do some test on the baby to see if there would be any abnormalities. Well in their mind there was one. It was determined that the child would be gay.

The movie centered around her decision on whether to have the baby or not. With plenty of input from her mother, father, husband and her gay brother. The movie was intersting to say the least.

I wonder what most parents would do if they could tell that their child was going to be gay if born? The whole notion of it is sad to me. On one hand I understand where their confusion came from. On the other hand it saddened me because them simply having to think aobut whether to have it or not said volumes in regards to how people see gay and lesbian people. Not that I didn't already know, but to think that someone would terminate a pregnancy based on that was sort of spooky.

What would you do?

I Remember

I want to dedicate my post today to Fuzzy. I don't know him but I've read his blog a few times in the past and his latest post touched me and insprired me to write my own post. As you know I didn't think I would be writing anything this soon. Thank you Fuzzy.

A couple of days ago I received an email from one of my younger cousins. The subject in the email said Remember Grandmother. 3 years ago my grandmother passed away just before christmas. My cousin was feeling sad and missing her so she sent all of our relatives an email just to say that she missed our grandmother and what she remembered most about her. Well her email sparked everyone to respond with something that they remembered about my grandmother and what made her so special to us.

The interesing thing about all of the emails was that everything that everyone said in their emails was something that started with my grandmother but connected us to another releative. Many of us live in different states and cities so we're a little discoonnected. This email for me strangely made me feel as if we were all at my grandmother's house, like we used to be, sitting around her table and talking about what we remembered and what she meant to us.

For me that's what christmas should be about. Remembering family members that are now gone and renewing connections with your relatives.

Happy Hollidays

This is a busy time of year for us all. Not sure how much I'll be blogging but who knows. So that I don't miss saying it.

I wish all who visit my spot Happy Holidays.

May the things you dream of be just one step away.

Yolanda Johnson's New Track

I posted a little bit back about an artist named Yolanda Johnson. I made a comment on her webpage and her manager sent me an email telling me about a new track that Yolanda had coming out. She promised she would send it to me as a teaser for Yolanda's new cd. As promised she sent it to me and now I'm sharing it with you. (with her permission!) The link is to yousendit, so I'm pretty sure that you won't have forever to download it so get it as fast as you can. On this song I would put her in the category of Ledisi. For me not many can get in this category!!! Click the Intervention link below to download the song.

"Intervention" featuring T3 from Slum Village with production by S1 of The Strange Fruit Project.

http://www.yolandadiary.com/

www.myspace.com/yolandajohnson

Read This

If you're looking for something to read. Here's a new author with a story that just might touch you and teach you. Rodney Lofton author of The Day I Stopped Being Pretty. This brotha will be visiting Los Angeles in December and I intend to be at his book signing.

Click on his webpage and scroll down to see if any new dates have been added to his tour. If you want him to speak to your group. Simply invite him. You never know it could happen.

At any rate if you decide to pick up Rodney's book I do hope that you enjoy it and it in some way enhances and strengthens you. After checking out his website Tell a friend about his book.

Sharecropper

I went to a meeting last Tuesday where there was a discussion about the state of Black Gay men and Black people in general. A question was asked if things have changed since the civil rights movement.

My answer was that history repeats itself. If you look really deep into what's happening in the world you'll see what I say to be true. Things have most certainly changed since the Civil Rights movement and slavery. The world is more sophisticated and technologically advanced. However, there is still racism, poverty, lack of education and desperation in the Black community. I know that my answer to the question might seem simple on the surface. However, I ended my answer by stating that the majority of us are still Sharecroppers today.

What did I mean by that? There are not many in the Black or Black Gay community that own their own successful business. It's not that we couldn't because most anything produced by the Black community is well received and sure to be copied in someway. So why are we continually volunteering our labor to the big corporations that have very little in upper management that look like us or benefit us? Because we are sharecroppers giving our talent and lessening our worth by working to make someone else the big dollars. While at the same time striving to feel comfortable in our homes by purchasing things that only temporarily make us happy and cause us more debt.

This behavior binds us to a cyclical journey of debt and dissatisfaction. There are few of us that are able to break the bind of this journey to venture into areas that will foster financial freedom and self-satisfaction. Why aren't those few teaching us the things that they know. Has this capitalistic society damaged our hereditary something so much that we have forgotten our instinctual willingness to support our own village. Somethings have not been erased for most. Like when you pass another Black person you instinctually greet them. At work I always get the question from white people, "Do you know all the Black people that work here." Let's get it back..so Look at that Nigger will only be able to post music videos that he likes.

Erykah!!!!!

I'm excited! Erykah Badu is scheduled to come out with a new cd in Feb 08. Finally!! I've been waiting to hear from her again. The title of the CD is called Honey. Click the link to hear the title track.

Nobody wants my baby!

I have a 1991 Mercury Capri. Well she's not doing too well. I got into an accident awhile ago and the door was smashed to hell. Well the car has been sitting in my garage for quite awhile now. I won't tell you how long but you'll be able to approximate the time by the end of this post. Plus I sort of forget about that girl now that I have a new baby now.

Anyway, I had intentions of selling my baby to a friend not long after I got my new baby. Oh by the way I name my cars. Don't know why. My Capri's name is Clarice Capri. My new car is Millicent Mercedes. That's cuz she's a Black white girl. Hee hee.

Back to the story. A friend of a friend was interested in buying Clarice since he is on the bus at 48 dayum years old. That's a shame in California. You hear me! Anyway so I was going to sell him my Clarice for real cheap. Well why in the world did all sorts of issues come from this pending sale.

Issues:

1. He could not pay the total amount of $800 that I was asking for the car in one payment. Ok I agreed to that.

2. He also wanted to wait to take the car until he got car insurance. So he didn't want to take the car with his 1st payment. I had Millicent now and a two car garage so it wasn't an issue for me to keep it here. He also didn't want to take the car until he paid for the whole thing.

3. Ok 4 months later brotha man has only paid half the amount for the car. So I called him to find out when he was coming to get the car. He said he'd be getting insurance for the car that weekend since now he had his licsence back. What the hell!!! Ok ok I'm just trying to get rid of the car. Do what you have to do I said.

4. Well he went to the insurance company to sign up for insurance...so he said. He tells me 2 months later that he thought the company was asking for too much. I'm thinking negro you just got your licsence back for reasons unbeknownst to me. I'm sure it was a driving issue. So of course your insurance will not be cheap. So he says he's gong to continue to look.

5. 3 months later I'm calling this man to find out what the F is going on. He tells me that his grandmother is really ill and that he is going to have to to go Oakland because he wants to see her before she passes. Ok I'm not a cold person so I definetely understand his situation. I know he needs a car and he's sort of a friend so I want him to be able to do better in his life.

6. Ok 1 month later I call him and he's in oakland again and his grandmother has passed. So I asked him what he wanted to do about the car. Well this fool tells me that he's decided not to get the car and that I should just give him his money back. Alright I'll give you the money back. Thank God I didn't spend it.

7. 2 weeks later he comes to get his money. I live on a very big hill so he calls me from the bottom of the hill to meet him down there. I go down to meet him and give him his money. Just so you know. In California when you sell a used car you have to get a smog check if you haven't had it done within 3 months. $65 then since the car had been sitting the battery was dead so I bought one just for him. Now you know I didn't have to. Can you say As Is. So I took the amount that I paid to get the car ready for him out of his refund. Needless to say he wasn't happy but what could he do. Keep steppin.

8. So here we are several months later and I"m calling all these salvage yards to try to take Clarice. Most have said they're not interested. Then I finally got one that said they would give me from $50-$100! What the hell my baby is worth more than that. The car still runs good. I'd probably still be driving it if it wasn't wrecked. So I concede and say ok...cuz I'm just ready for Clarice to be gone.

9. It's been about 2 hours now and the company has not called me to say that they are on their way to get her. Lawd why doesn't anyone want my baby!?!?!

If you have any advice on a good place to send my baby please let me know.

I'm Published

My very good friend Chuma asked me if I would write an article for his online magazine Chuma Spirit Magazine. So I did. I am officially a published writer. (smile)

Check me out

My Contribution

Metro Wednesday

Well anybody that knows me knows that I don't go out to clubs that often anymore. I guess I got burned out on it since I did so much clubbing when I was younger. So I decided to go out to support the In The Meantime Men's Group and their 4th Annual Black Party that was being held in conjunction with Club Metro's regular night. I had been given a free pass to go into the VIP Room. Woo Hoo look at me VIP. LOL It really wasn't all that but it was nice to be invited.

While in the club I noticed that I really hadn't missed much. So I hung out with my Nephew who had to work the catered food there because one of his employees decided not to show. I spent most of my time talking to him and occasionally to a few other people that I knew. With drink in my hand I watched the goings on of the club scene today.

I will say that I did enjoy the stripper that was in the VIP Room. I try to be a little reserved when I'm out so I didn't run up to him like so many of the other older guys were doing like they had never seen a naked man before. They were shameless...but the stripper smiled and did his job and collected their dollars in his very short and very shear boxer briefs. He was tight though I must admit!!! Had everything that anyone with a particular interest would be interested in.

So as the stripper took a break I noticed a tall light-skinned brotha that sort of glided into the VIP room. On second glace I noticed it was not just any light-skinned attractive brotha. It was the one and only Jonathan Plummer. Yep Terri McMillian's ex. I was surprised to see that he is not as big as I thought he was or as tall. He is taller than me, about 6'1". I also envisioned a sizeable muscular ass. That wasn't their either. However, he did not disappoint me as far as looks and his nipples. Yes I'm a nipple lover. His did not disappoint at all. They poked out of his shirt like the soldiers that I hoped they would be...ok ok I know I'm getting carried away. I'll stop.

Anyway, I would have loved to talk to him, but I'm a bit shy at times. I know many wouldn't believe it but I am!! Especially when I'm interested in someone. Anyway Jonathan made my night by turning to me smiling and saying hello. I wanted to run after him and say let's get out of here...but I guess the brotha had other things on his mind. Plus that's just not my style to run after anyone. So Jonathan if you're out there give me a holla! Hey maybe I'll pick his book Balancing Act and get him to come to one of my Book Club meetings. Hmmm maybe I won't tell the other members the correct date of the meeting and it'll be just me and him...LOL

If you google his book google has a preview of about 50 pages of it for your perusal.

A plug for a friend and an opportunity for you

Chuma Spirit Magazine is accepting submissions for its Poem of the Month section. Once a month, the magazine will feature an outstanding poem, along with a bio, contact information, and a picture of the poet who scribed it. When the month is up, the feature will be archived and available to be viewed for indefinite promotion. Please provide the following:

1. A poem not exceeding 800 words.
2. A high resolution picture
3. A bio
4. Contact information, such as any phone numbers, email addresses, mailing addresses and websites.

Submissions are to be emailed to ChumaSpirit@aol.com with "Poem of the Month Submission" in the subject line. All submissions are to be received no later than October 27th. Announcement of the winner will be made on November 1st and the feature will be posted effective that day.

Subscribe for free to http://www.chumaspiritmagazine.com/ and get daily updates and newsletters informing of the latest postings. As the magazine grows, you will receive information on the following topics: Chuma Wisdom, Quotes, African American History, Music, Fitness, Health and Well-Being, Sexuality, Travel, Books, Finance, Spirituality and Religion, Erotica, Poetry, Interviews, and Links to other Bloggers. We look forward to you visiting http://www.chumaspiritmagazine.com/.

Take a step, you never know what could happen!

A Reminder

I posted a thought in 2005 that I think needs to be revisited. I was speaking to a young friend who has just entered the college environment. He's attending a school that is predominantly white. Although this can be a challenge to your spirit, I think it's a great learning ground for the real world of dealing with white people. As I told him he is experienceing white people "in their raw and immature state....when you get out in to the world it will be more covert...so you need to take the lessons of their immaturity and store that information for your benefit."

Here's the post from 2005 Don't You Know Who I Am.

Why Did I Get Married?

I went to see Why Did I Get Married today. I really enjoyed this movie. Of course you know the movie is about relationships. I won't tell you about it in case you haven't seen it yet. I would say that it is worth seeing though. I'll probably buy it when it comes out on DVD. I will say this, the movie showed good examples of black relationships. I would even venture to say that it not only showed examples of Black heterosexual relationships but I've seen some very similiar gay relationships like the ones shown in this movie. Cudos to Tyler Perry.

I know this question has been asked by a lot of us out there...but Why Am I Not Married?

I can't give one reason for myself. Just because I'm asking this question doesn't mean that I am loosing hope. I am very optimistic that I will find the one for. When I wake in the mornings I will feel joy because he's with me. I know he is out there looking for me too. He's out there for me and he's for you as well. I think I'm getting closer. I can feel it...the universe is just not aligned for it yet.

I posted the picture of Lamman Rucker above who's in the movie because he's the example in the movie of the best man. Ooops did I say too much. Well I wanted to post him cuz he's fine too!

Some New Music

Jitterbuggin in juke joint, Saturday evening, outside Clarksdale, Mississippi. 1939

I was surfing the net yesterday and ran across two singers that I had never heard of and listened to a little bit of their music on CD Baby. Well after listening to almost their entire cd I was sold and bought them right away. Now when you purchase a CD from CD Baby you can purchase the CD in MP3 format. This allows you to download the entire cd right away! Love this site!

Well here are the two artist that I recommend. Any of you who love good music, I know you will enjoy them.

Yolanda Johnson - Violet Flower

One of my favorite tracks on this cd and it seems to be popular with most is Individual. CD Baby puts her in the group of Lauryn Hill, D'Angelo, Erykah Badu, Jill Scott, India. I agree!

Russell Taylor - Somewhere In Between

The other artist is Russell Taylor. If your familiar with Rahsaan Patterson, Frank McComb, Eric Roberson and like them, then you'll like Russell as well. How Deep is one of my favorites on his cd.

Let me know what your favorite on their cds is. I'm sure you'll find them on youtube too if you want to see them perform.