What did you want to be?

Is there something that you had passion about when you were growing up that because of school or the necessity to survive you went down a path other than you initial passion?

When I was young I wanted to be a Carol Burnett dancer on her variety show. I know I'm dating myself but what the hell I don't look it! :-P There was only one black male dancer on the show and they always had him in the back. I just knew that if I was dancing on the show they'd have to put me in the front because I was so good. I can remember my brother saying to me that he thought I was going to join the Navy because of the Navy movies that I used to watch. Little did he realize, the navy movies that I was watching were of Fred Astaire and Gene Kelly portraying seaman and I used to watch those movies because I loved the dancing. Here's a clip of one of Carol Burnett's show's with the Jackson 5 performing. You'll see the black dancer in his normal spot in the back or far off to the left.




Although the show didn't have that much soul ...yeah that was what we said at the time...I still wanted to dance on it. You didn't see many black dancers at all on TV during these times. Now these clips show some black dancers with soul. If you want to go straight to the dancing go to about 2:40 mins

Patience

I have been popping patience pills for awhile now. But lately I feel like I'm about to overdose. I haven't been blogging or reading blogs for a few days.

Since the new year I have worked my A$$ off. I'm being stressed to the limit with things that people expect of me and those that are disregarding me.

I remember years ago someone told me that I didn't know how to say no. So I learned but lately I feel like my lessons have been lost. I need to practice...no no no no no no, no dammit!

I hope to be back to normal next week. Sorry I haven't been around for a few days.

Oh yeah I almost got kicked off the Africa trip. I'll have to blog about that one of these days. Still pissed off about it. But I am going and can't wait!!!

Honored

I was given an award and a very nice compliment that caused me to be at a loss for words. This is why...Moanerplicities gave me the Helping Hand award that you see to the left. I remember when I first started blogging I was doing it just to practice writing and to get some things off my chest. I guess I'm still doing that. I read many blogs and thru those blogs I found my own voice. Moanerplicities' blog was one that I always read and find it always soulful. I'm a soul child so that always turns me on. Right on to Moanerplicities!! :-) See the verbiage for the award and what those awarded should do next.

Receiving the Emblem in recognition for your mentoring, support, and encouragement to a fellow blogger is no small fete! It is evidence that you have gone well beyond the call of duty by your continued efforts to "leave the pile higher than you found it"! It is further evidence that your blog(s)has been identified as the epitome of excellence and is certainly admired.Thank you for your inspiration.

1. Simply Fred Smith - Thanks for getting me started!

2. Black

3. Just 4 Today

4. Fuzzy

5. Coming Into My Own - I call her Beautiful Black Butterfly

Receiving the Emblem from a seasoned blogger is a testimony to you that you're on the right track! That your voice is being heard. And there are those out here in the blogsphere that recognize your potential even if you don't. Keep up the good work, and remember to "Pay it Forward".Even though you may already be "seasoned", continue to inspire:

1. The Gayte-Keeper

2. Forever I Love Atlanta

3. Look At This Nigger

4. D'eonte K's Spot

5. A Day In The Life of Kendall

* I know I'm not supposed to do this but I want to give the award to all those in D-Favorite Places cuz they all inspire me. That's why their favorites. But the rules were to only list 10.

The Rules:

1. Select 10 bloggers: 5 you consider your blogging Helping Hand then "Pay it Forward" by extending your "Helping Hand" to 5 additional bloggers in support and encouragement for their efforts.

2. In passing on the Emblem, each recipient must provide the name of blog or blog author with a link for others to visit.Each recipient must show the Emblem and put the name and link to the blog that has given it to her or him.

3. Link the Emblem to this post: Helping Hand: Much Obliged and Paying it Forward so that others will know it origin and impetus.

4. If you have not already done so, show your recipients some love by adding them to your blog roll, Technorati Favorite list, or in any other way to further let them know that their blog voice is important to you and being heard.

5. Add your name to The Helping Hand meme and don't forget to leave a comment as a permanent record of all Helping Hand recipients.

6. Display the rules.

Happy Black President's Day!

Happy Black President's Day yall!

As Martin Luther King, Jr and President Barack Obama used words of hope. So do I. I hope for small changes that make big impacts.

The picture in this post is the subject of my hope. Hope that young and old Black men will be seen in a new light. A light that doesn't focus on our faults, so vividly displayed by the media at every turn, but on the strengths of our character, creativity, intelligence, commitment and beauty.

I dreamed as did Martin of this day. I pray for healthy relationships, successful ambitions, meaningful lives, and abundant resiliency.

Times were very different..be thankful

Not so very long ago things in America were very different. About 20 years ago when people were dying like flies from AIDS their going home celebrations were not always dignified. Here's an example:

Vernon

Vernon a gay man served in the armed forces. I met Vernon through his ex lover Greg as they remained very good friends. Soft spoken, with his military discipline he had a kind heart and embraced me as a new friend. I was the youngest of their group of friends. There was always something going on. From a party, bar-b-Que, road trip to San Francisco or San Diego, beach parties, you name it they always included me.

As I began to get a little older and find my way through Los Angeles on my own with the lessons they had taught me. I would see Vernon out at the club or just around the city. He still looked good and still had that smile that let you know he cared about you.

Years later I heard that Vernon had AIDS and he wasn't doing very well. He was home with his mother here in Los Angeles. Maybe 3 weeks after I heard the news of his illness, I received another phone call that Vernon had died and given the details of his funeral.

I was there for the service that was held at the funeral home. His home Church would not allow his AIDS ridden body into the Lord's house. I remember the night when he passed and Greg and Vernon's mother attempted to find a Funeral Home that would take him. None of the Black popular funeral homes in L.A. would take him so they settled for a small one in the Black community. The white funeral homes were called too but all hung up once they found out the cause of his death.

After a few days of his body laying in the hospital the small black funeral home picked him up. The funeral home told his mother that they would be able to embalm him unlike most of the other homes that would not even if they did take him. As the ritual is you give the funeral home the clothes that you want the deceased to be buried in. His mother purchased a brand new Armani Suit (like Vernon always wanted), shoes, shirt and tie.

On the day of the funeral Vernon's mother was told by the Funeral Director that the service would be a closed casket funeral, due to the effects of embalming a person with AIDS. The service went on without a hitch. The procession formed and we were off to the cemetery. While following the hearse all of a sudden it stopped in front of the cemetery gates. We all pulled over and got out of our cars to find out what was wrong.

I walked over to Greg who was riding with Vernon's mother and he told me that, Vernon's mother insists on seeing her son before he is put in the ground. The reason they stopped outside the cemetery's gates is because this was a military cemetery and once inside Vernon would be the property of the military and nothing could be done. They tried to get the Funeral Director to open the casket right there. They were insistent but to no avail the Director said it was illegal to do that. They said the only way they could open the casket would be back at the funeral home.

Back to the funeral home we went. I can not imagine what was going on in the heads of the funeral home employees and director as we headed back. Once back at the funeral home they took the casket into a back room where they would allow only Vernon's mother and Greg to enter. All was silent outside the room waiting for this to end so that we could take Vernon to his final resting place. Moments later we hear arguing, the Funeral Director didn't want to open the casket. I understand that Greg pushed him out of the way and opened the casket. The next sounds was the scream and wailing of Vernon's mother.

The funeral home had not touched Vernon's nude body that still lay in the sheets from the hospital bed stuffed in a body bag! The Police were called and so was the news. An hour later only the Police had arrived. There was no news to report this travesty.

The task of finding another funeral home as you can guess was difficult. One was however found and this time there was no service. Just the burial. Vernon was buried in his Armani Suit, shoes, shirt and tie this time. He was put to rest finally with dignity.

I'm very thankful to have had Vernon as a friend.

Times were very different. I'm also, thankful that those living with AIDS are no longer dying as quickly as they were in the past.

This was a true story...I'm hopeful with these changing times that we will have much more to be thankful for.

I was moved

I know that everyone that comes to my blog is a reader. You might not read in the traditional way of picking up a book from the library, bookstore or ordering one online, but you are ravenous readers all the same. Your choice might be to read from the Internet. If that is the case ebooks are a great opportunity for you.

In my D Brothas in Bizness 4 Themselves (located just below my followers that I really appreciate on this blog) a friend of mine Chuma has a publishing company and he also writes himself. He asked me to check out the excerpt from his latest book which I did without question. The title of the book is "My Ancestors Traveled Them Home" for the small cost of $5.99 to be read on your computer or to be printed if you prefer to feel the pages. You can also read an excerpt before purchasing it by clicking on Chuma's eBooks. I purchased the book and read it in it's entirety in a very short period of time.

After reading it I sent Chuma the email below. If my response intrigues you support him by reading it as well:

Chuma,

I can't believe I sat here and read the whole thing 1st of all. Your book was one of the most beautiful and heartfelt pieces of work that I have ever read in my entire life!!

I love it and I love you so very much for being able to express your feelings and thoughts so vividly. The experiences you had may not be the same for everyone but they certainly allow the reader to relate and even release some of the pain that they have not been able to resolve before reading your work. I am speaking for others but my self as well.

As I read your book many of the people that I have loved and lost came to mind. Also, the ones that are still here and I love were brought to the forefront of my mind including you of course. I had thoughts of my death and how beautiful it would be if I had someone to eulogize me as beautifully as you did your mother. I have often struggeled attempting to write about the loss of so many family members and friends that I have loved and even though the words still fail me to a certain extent. You helped to give voice to some of my own thoughts.

Your book is a testament to all on why they should love hard and completely.

Thank you so very much for sharing that with me.

Sincerely always loving you while wiping tears from my eyes with the back of my hand.

Your friend forever,
D

Greed

Did you know that in 2007 America spent $161.8 billion dollars on terrorism? 2,000 people have been killed on account of terrorism, 70 of whom were American.

Did you know that heart disease is the number one cause of death in America killing 450,000 people a year. America spends $2.9 billion on research for this disease.

This means we spend 54 times the amount on terrorism than heart disease which causes more deaths.

I believe greed has something to do with this.

I got this information from a dvd that a friend shared with me called The Zeitgeist Movement. There was a lot of other information in this DVD as well that sums up the world as being corrupt. I didn't think that that was such a big revelation in the documentary but how this corruption was achieved might be interesting to some. The documentary also talked about how we can change from a monetary system that caused all of this greed an classism in the first place.

It also talked of changing to a resource based society. Check out The Venus Project to see how they believe we can accomplish that if your interested.

Muscle Relaxers

I was looking around youtube and this clip reminded me of when I had a dental procedure where they were going to have to put me to sleep. So the doctor gave me a pill to take 2 hours before my appointment. On my way to the appointment the pill kicked in. Man oh man oh man. I felt like I was in utopia and everything around me was absolutely gorgeous and I didn't have a worry in the world. Needless to say the Doctor wouldn't tell me what the pill was the bastard. Hee Hee but it's probably best he didn't cuz I was feeling hella good!

Enjoy a good laugh on me.

HAPPY NEW YEAR

Happy New Year Everyone!


This Lion wishes you a prosperous and fierce 2009.


















Bring in the new year with the innocence and curiosity of a baby! Free of hangups and open to possibilities and prosperity! Wishing you all the best!

The Result

The results of my little situation on Christmas night was less than I anticipated after staying up really late thinking about how I would talk to my missing friend. I'll call him BuckBuck.

The next day BuckBuck called me to apologize. I couldn't talk at the time because I was on my way out with my parents and didn't want their day to be filled with any concern as I spoke to him. So I told him that we would talk later. He wanted me to accept his apology right then but me being me was not going to do that until I said what I stayed up all night thinking about. I told him that we were ok and we'd talk and not to worry. He did sound like he was remiss.

I sent him a text message while I was out.
Me: I will see you later right?

BuckBuck: No

Me: Why Not? You have called me for weeks to ensure that I came down here for xmas, you better see me.

BuckBuck: Ok

Me: I mean it!

BuckBuck: Ok

That was the last response I got from BuckBuck and I didn't see him while I was in my parents town. So I assume that he decided to remain in misery with little care for whether he ruined our friendship or not. In my mind he had not but I wanted to get some things straight with him if we were to continue as friends. Now I won't worry about this anymore.

I'm blessed to have friends that do really care about me and my feelings. So one from the past that I hadn't been in much contact with anyway will not matter in the big picture of my life. I know who cares about me and I know who trapses through my life only for a glance. I'm a grown man and It's unfortunate that everyone that comes in our paths is not grown.

So I'll continue being happy with those that care about me and blessed because they do. I wish him all the best but I don't have the time to worry about what I can't do anything about. In my life I've had to move on from so many people that one more that only has spent brief moments in the span of my life in so many years will not be hard to get past.

The rest of my holidays will be happy and I hope yours too. For those of you who commented on my last post...thank you for your encouragement.

Not Like I Imagined

I'm going to see two friends of mine tomorrow that I went to Junior High and High School with. One of the friends I've stayed in contact with over the years even though we live in different cities. The other we hadn't see since graduation until our last class reunion. I've spoke to the missing friend a couple of times on the phone since our reunion. Tomorrow I'll see the both of them again. We had a 3 way phone call earlier this evening. Our out of touch friend was obviously drunk on the phone. And said somethings that neither my constant friend or I appreciated. When we see each other tomorrow I'm going to need to take a breath before speaking. Had I not been at my parents house and they in earshot I'm sure I would have called him everything but a child of God at the audacity of his drunken comments. I know I'm babbling right now but my typing this is helping me to think about how I'm going to handle this situation tomorrow.

Strange this is the only post that I have with no picture of any kind. I just can't imagine right now how this is going to play out or how I'm going to feel at the end of it all. I just know that the way I'm feeling right now is not how I imagined I would feel on Christmas day. I need to kick his ass just for that!

Happy Holidays!!

It's Christmas Eve and this is the time of year when people always make changes in their lives. Or at least when they decide that they need to make some changes.

I don't promise that I'll make any changes. I just do my best to be a better me. So this year I wish all that wander upon my blogspot a wonderful holiday season and all the blessesings, happiness, and success that you can handle!!

Envision your future as you want to see it and make love a priority!

Nervous

I haven't talked about this because I guess for some reason it just didn't feel real to me. I've had very minimal feelings about it which I think is strange. Sometimes I feel a tinge of excitement and other times it just feels like a story that I'm reading. I'm unsure of what to expect. I've been trying to read things online but the things that I've read have only made added to my nervousness.

Ya see, next year I'm going to Ghana. I'm a little excited about it today because I just found out that instead of flying coach as we originally thought, we'll be flying business class. So right now I'm most excited to know that I'll be comfortable on this 18hour flight to Acra, Ghana.

I'll be going to Ghana with some co-workers on a special project that our company is taking part in for the 1st time ever. My company in the U.S. is joining up with our company in the UK and in Ghana to build houses in the Ashanti Region of Ghana. Now anyone that knows me is probably thinking. You build houses???...well yeah me! LOL. I'm all for paying to get things done right and quickly rather than doing it myself and be unsure of the final results. However, I don't mind getting my hands dirty and love the feeling of accomplisment when my efforts are something that will be useful for someone else. So that's what I'm going to do.

I'm actually the U.S. Team Leader in this 1st endeaver. What I'm a little nervous about is not the work but moreso how I will be perceived. After searching the internet for Gay Ghana all I found were negative articles sighting that homosexuality is illegal and Police and inhabitants of Ghana sometimes beat or kill those who they think may be gay for purely stereotypical reasons. Now I'm by no means flamboyantly gay but I'm also not the stereotypical macho man either. So this is where my concerns come in as the customs in this country are quite different from our own in the States.

An example of that is: we are required to meet the King of the villiage to gain his approval to build for his villiagers. What this process is right now I don't know. I'm sure I'll find out before we go but it still makes me nervous. Will I be asked if I am married and have children and if not why not? You know the questions that your family may wonder about but never say anything.

While I'm excited about the opportunity to do some good for people in Africa and having the opportunity to do some sightseeing there for free for 2 weeks. I'm still a little apprehensive about what I might encounter. I will however, make sure that I understand the customs of this country so that I do not offend anyone while visiting.

I am excited about this opportunity also because my mother company was happy that employees came up with this project,, are backing us financially and they'd like to do something like this world-wide on a regular basis in the future. If this project is successful I'm going to try to create a new job out of it. Maybe I'll be the Director of International Charitable Affairs or something..LOL What I do know is that if I'm able to create this position I'll be able to see the world for free!

Has anyone been to Ghana and can give me some advice?

What Kinda...

I don't know who this baby is or who it belongs to. Just thought it was cute and needed something to go along with my post. LOL

So I was stuck at home pretty much all weekend doing this month-end ritual that I've been assigned for work. It's horrid I tell you absolutley horrid. I think my manger put me on it so that I can be frustrated with the process and get it fixed. It's the most tedius thing I've ever had to do in my life and takes like 6 hours to do each day. I was thinking I can't wait til she goes out on maternity leave! I'll try to get some of those off-shore guys to do this crap.

Anyway, so I'm doing this process and I get an email response from her. Ok, no big deal. I just thought damn this woman is pregnant and due any day now and her ass is working on a Sunday afternoon. Her ass needs to sit down somewhere and rest.

30 mins later I get another email from her. This time she's sending out an annoucement that she had her baby on Thanksgiving day. I was like what the hell is wrong with her ass. She just had the baby 10 mins ago and she's already online responding to emails and I'm sure doing other work. Well at least we won't have to deal with her for a few more weeks. Knowing her she won't take the entire maternity leave...just like she didn't when she had her 3yo. I can't wait til this new baby is a terrible 2yo and the other is 5yo. Maybe then her ass will calm down a little cuz she'll be so damn tired from running around with the kids then everybody else will have a little peace.

I'm laughing to myself because this post is like a Look at this Nigger type post. LOL

You Just Don't Know

I don't know if it's the season or what...but I have been feeling soooo thankful these days. I'm not going to question it I'm just going to keep on thanking him as much as possible. Something good is about to happen I can feel it coming.

I Can't Believe...

You know I wish I had listened to Ledisi's song Thank You from her Christmas CD before writing my last post because I would have added it to that post.

This song speaks to me and to the reason why I made my last post. I'm very thankful for my experiences and mostly thankful to God for keeping me safe and loved even when I don't realize that I am. The link below is just a short clip of the song. Oh yeah, I'm really really feeling Ledisi's Christmas CD but then again...I like everything she does!!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE!!!

http://site.soulmusicstore.com/media/12-ThankYou_1.mp3

Thank you

I'm having a quiet evening listening to Sarah Vaughan and reading blogs. One blog( lmross-moanerplicities ) got me to thinking about people in my life. His Blog was thanking people who had saved his life. Some of my friends have passed away who gave me life and some are still here but I don't often get to see them or talk to them. I just want to thank those that are gone and the ones still here for being in my life and helping me to become who I am today. It's important to thank your friends and tell them that you love them. I think I'm going to call those that I haven't seen in a long time tomorrow. I miss them!!

Friends that have gone to live with God:

2 Michael's, 2 Kevin's, 2 Greg's, Vernon, Rhonda, Ronnie, Marcus, Clifford, Pierre, Papoose, Tony, Juanita, Reggie, Dorothy, Ernest, 2 Joey's, Al, Vincent, Eleanor, Audrey, Sidney, Iona, Steve, Chris, Claude, Michaelangelo, Shawn...I had to stop listing these names it was making me sad. There are plenty more though and I'm thinking about them as well.

Friends that I haven't seen in a long time:

Ari, Terry, Kevin, Fidel, William, Monte, Doug, Mitch, Antonio, Allan, Alain, 2 Demetrius', Steven, Lorna, Denice, Janice, Foster, Will, 3 Charles', Albert, Alex, 3 Ron's, Terrance, 2 Marlon's, Henry, Ron, 2 Keith's, Roderick, Troy, Michael, 2 Donald's, Reggie, Earl, Allen, Cliff, Daniel, Sabrina, 2 Tony's, 2 Mark's, Ricky, Tanya, Hank, Dorn, Jack, Victor, Danielle, Jessica, Dwayne, James, Kitty, Harold. Erroll. Lee, Darryl, Eric, Patrick, Ray, Tim, Marcus, Marva, Jamal, 2 Brian's, Maurice, Michelle, Jerry, Tracey, 2 Melvins, Wayne, Orson, Eddie, Kenny....Getting sad again so I'm stopping.

It Was Time

I just found this while looking for my birth certificate. I can tell it was typed on a typewriter...so you know it's old...shaddup all you youngins. Yall probably never typed on a typewriter before.

It's from many years ago...not even sure when this was done...




It was time



I never dreamed...it would be so easy, to finally walk on out the door...but I'm tired of tryin' to make you smile...and livin' everyday on trial...and tired of always bein' the one---who loved a little more.



It was time...

When you really get down to the bottom line, we never had the poetry...we just tried to make it rhyme...



It was time...

that we were over...it was time.

and now I know the emptiness I'm feelin' --- is more for what we missed than what we had...



But watchin' somethin' dyin' slow...

can hurt much more than lettin' go...and even whith the loneliness you know...

I'm almost glad...



Guess I wasn't right for you, and you weren't right for me...

and it doesn't pay to sell your soul...

just for company...



It's better bein' lonely....



It was time.

Dear Anonymous

You who read my blog know that most of the time I do not respond to negative comments. You might not know that a lot of times I delete them. I made a post after Obama's victory. Short and sweet. My post mentioned change as did President Elect Obama's campaign. If one believes that there would not be some type of a change by just him being the president is misguided. I would not venture to guess what the changes will be but there's no question in my mind that there will be some. Be it his policies, america's thought about black men, or just that the president is Black and not White.

More than anything in the world I hate statistics simply because one can say whatever one wants using them. As did Anonymous.

He/she said, Obama won because of 60% of the white and Latino vote went to him and that... only 20% of the black population even voted. Just looking at those numbers makes a statement. However, the numbers do leave some important information out. What percentage of the White population voted? What percentage of the Latino population voted? Was it 20% of those populations that voted also? Is this 60% from White and 60% from Latino populations or from all votes 6o% were White and Latino? I won't claim to know the answers. For the numbers to mean anything those questions should be answered I think. I will agree that if only 20% of all the Black population voted that that is sad. I wonder if some of the Black people that would have wanted to vote couldn't for some reason good or bad? Guess more statistics are need for that answer.

I do believe that Obama was voted in by all faces of America and I have heard no reports nor did I state that the Black Community should take credit for his win. The anonymous he/she quoted a study that was conducted on why Blacks were voting for Obama and that not one could come up with a reason except change. When asked what they wanted changed they couldn't answer. Hmmmm, that sounds suspect to me. Anonymous if you watch most network news you'll notice that sometimes reporters gravitate to those that might give an uneducated response to any question. Still I even find it hard to believe that an uneducated person wouldn't be able to verbalize one change. Hmm was the interviewer too aggressive or condescending and the person being interviewed just refused to answer. I guess we'll never know unless you Anonymous were the interviewer and can shed some light.

Later Anonymous says that 60% of whites that voted for Obama did so because of the facts that he brought and that he/she believed the election showed that the racial divide still exist, but with the Black population. So we're back to the 60% again. So again is this 60% of all whites that voted or 60% of the whites that voted for Obama? If it's 60% that voted for him then 40% only voted for change and possibly didn't know what they wanted changed either?

Anonymous states he/she comes from an area that has overcome the racial divide. Please let me know what that area is so that I can move there! This is an assumption on my part but I suspect that Anonymous is not Black. It's sometimes difficult for those not experiencing racism to know the many subtleties of it. That's no fault of Anonymous' own it's just very difficult to empathize with things that you have no real understanding of. But I see he/she is trying and that should be commended.

The last statements on my blob by Anonymous I'm posting verbatim.

It will not be until all of us can stop separating each other till we all can come together.It was a historical election, not to say the least.

I have no idea why Anonymous chose my blog to make his/her statement. Anonymous...you damn tootin it's historical! As you saw, my statement on President Elect Obama's win was simple and did not say that We Black People Did It. So Anonymous (which i think is Bitch-Assness to post anonymously) if anyone is perpetuating a divide it is you. So maybe your area has not progressed as much as you think it has. You certainly haven't. I take my earlier statement back. I don't want to know what area you live in or want to move there. It would appear that there is still some unresolved racism lurking deep within the bowels of your area's population. I wonder what percentage that is? When you're down to 0% and all have shit that ignorance out and wiped your asses truly clean then let me know where that area is. Until then Anonymous I do sincerely hope that I have facilitated some change to your heart and thoughts.



Oh yeah Anonymous...who started this anyway? I know I want it to stop!

Yes We Did!!!

In the words of Sophia in the Color Puprle, "...thangs gonna change round heah!"

Mind Medicine

I believe that everyone creates a path that we trudge optimistically towards our goals. Sometimes we get turned around and sometimes we might stumble and fall or almost fall. Whatever the case may be it jolts your system and you have to regroup so that you can continue on the path of your goals. Sometimes it's hard to get up or keep moving but stopping should not be an option.

Treat your life as if it's a movie with a theme song and music for each stumble and triumph. If you need some assistance in finding the music to pick you up and put you back on your path you might want to check out Soul Motivations (Mind medicine) by Dwayne Barnes. You can purchase this cd on cdbaby.com and have the disc sent to you or download the mp3 version of it for quicker gratification. You can also listen to a couple of the tracks before you purchase it. I have 3 favorites already. Onna' Move, Beautiful Life and So So Good.

I happen to know Dwayne and knew that he is an actor, producer, song writer and stylist, but he kept what feels like a secret from me. Although I'm sure it wasn't really a secret. Guess I just didn't ask the right question. He can sing as well!

Dwayne has a voice that is reminiscent of old skool soul with a neo soul current reality. In old skool soul you get your emotions of love laid out on the table that rang true for so many. Neo soul does that same thing but with a new beat to keep up with the times. This CD of Dwayne's is full of emotions but not the emotions that one has already heard about. Soul Motivations is about honoring yourself and realizing that you can do whatever it is that you need to do. You just have to believe in yourself.

So if you need some encouragement because you've lost your way a little don't fret. Listen to this mind medicine to give you the dose of what you need to achieve what at the moment might feel unachievable.

Thank you Dwayne for sharing your gift with me and to thank you I'm sharing it with others, gladly.

You Gotta Do It

Every year the book club that I'm a member of attempts to go on a weekend retreat somewhere in driving distance from LA. This year we went to Palm Springs. Actually we go to Palm Springs a lot for our retreats. The reason is that there are plenty of houses there available to rent for any given period of time. We took our retreat last weekend for a much needed getaway from Los Angeles and thoughts of all that we left behind.

Renting houses actually is much nicer than staying in a hotel if you take a trip with several friends or family members. We always rent a house that includes a pool and jacuzzi. I was able to catch up on some reading, swim as if I didn't have a care in the world and luxuriate in the great jacuzzi.

Since I got to the house 1st I was able to pick my room. I picked the Master Bedroom that included our course it's own bathroom and a room that was so big it also had it's own living room with sofa, chair and coffee table. A sliding glass door to this room took me to the master's pvt patio.

We all enjoyed our stay in Palm Springs as we ventured into the city's downtown area only 2 miles away to eat, and shop. Palm Springs is full of retirees and many white gay men. Not our flavor but that wasn't the purpose of our trip anyway. The people in this city are very relaxed and very friendly. Probably because most are retired or just have enough money that they don't have to have an attitude about anything.

If your in Los Angeles or close by you should try a trip to Palm Springs. If your in any city that has a resort like town close by check out renting a house. You won't regret it and at the same time you'll get to spend quality time with people you care about.

Below are pictures of the pool and bedroom suite where I spent most of my time last weekend.

Unforgettable Divas

In my last post I forgot to mention two other Divas that were at the show. Please forgive me all of you that are fans of theirs. Getting old causes you to forget and overlook things that are staring you right in the face.

Speaking of staring you right in the face. Performer, singer and actress Sherri Lewis , one of the Divas that I forgot to mention tells her story of a new love at the age of 33yo, that one might think would have been lost due to her newly discovered HIV+ status. Her story pulled at your heartstrings. The anticipated still waters of a new relationship happily endured the information of the disease once thought of as a death sentence. The love of Sherri's now husband is ever flowing. Sherri was quite the Diva in a Pink dress and boa. After hearing her story and listening to her sing the only word that comes to mind is inspirational! Read this story on Sherri located on The Body webpage. Here's an interview with Sherri on youtube. It's important that we hear the stories of women with HIV as we don't hear these stories enough.

Thank you Sherri for pulling the coat tail of this aging man!

The other Diva that I forgot to mention was Kym Whitley. I don't know how I forgot her because she was hillarious as you can well imagine. On top of that she looks really good! Normally, Sheryl Lee Ralph has one of my favorites Jennifer Lewis for comic releif at the show but this year as I said in my last post Jennifer could not be in attendance. Kym was a welcome addition and I hope she comes back again and again. Kym opened the show and as she was talking Norwood comes walking down the aisle making his grand entrance. Now everyone knows that you shouldn't come in late to a show if a comedian is going to be in the show, becasue they will call you out in some way. And that she did. "...Only Norwood could wear a cheatah suit and afro". All eyes on Norwood and the laughter ensued.

Norwood Young in cheatah. I don't think they like him on Bossip.com.

Divas Simply Singing

I went to the Diva's Simply Singing fundraiser last night. It's billed as, A magical evening of song and entertainment benefiting Women Alive coalition and Sister Circle: South Africa. This event has been presented by Sheryl Lee Ralph for 18 years addressing issues surrounding HIV/AIDS. It's an event that should be held all around the country so those of you in other cities could enjoy what I did last night.

I think what Sheryl Lee Ralph does is amazing and she is a Diva. There's no taking that away from her. It's wonderful all the work that she does in the fight against HIV/AIDS and she deserves a Lifetime Achievement award in my opinion. She didn't sing herself last night because she had a touch of laryngitis so that was missed out on this year. Jennifer Lewis who is usually at these show was in Europe this year. She did however, do a comical monologue for the audience. She said she'll be back in time for November 4th. You do know what that is right!?

These are once in a lifetime lineups. You'd probably never see this group of ladies and an occasional man on the same stage again.

Here's who was sang at last nights performance.

Patti Austin - What can you say about Patti's voice. Simply angelic. Although she did cuss a couple of times before she started singing. I loved it...it was funny and made her feel like a real person to me. It felt like you were sitting around the house talking to an aunt and you heard her cuss for the 1st time. LOL


















Coko - She gave just what one would expect.

Sarah Dash - I had to go to the bathroom so I missed her performance. It was a long as show and I had had two Jack's on the rocks. Damn Damn Damn

Loretta Devine - She did her thing. Nothing bad to say and extrordianary. You know how Loretta does. She's a Dreamgirl original and she performed.

Ellia English - She played Jamie Foxx's aunt on the Jamie Foxx show. I really enjoyed her she sang one of those blusey I don't want a one minute man gut bucket songs. She sang it right after Coko did a gospel number and explained that she knows who she is so there's nothing wrong with her singing this song after her. And you know what...there wasn't anything wrong with it. Totally loved it.

Sieda Garrett - You know the audience really didn't give Sieda the love that she deserved. I'm not sure why because she sounded really really good. Maybe they just weren't familiar with who she is and what she's done. She sang The Man in the Mirror made famous by Michael Jackson. Maybe the audience didn't know that she wrote that song! To me she sang the hell out of it too!

Miki Howard - I was a little disappointed. I think she was off last night.

Rachelle Ferrell - Rachelle was the surprise songstress that wasn't in all the advertisement. What a wonderful surprise. When she walked on to the stage the audience gave her a standing ovation before she opened her mouth. Once she sat at the piano she said I was prepared to come out here sing but after that now I gotta sang! And SANG she did! I have no words to describe the experience of this beautiful instrument.

Rosyln Kind - A Jazz singer. I hadn't heard of her before and she was ok. I think she had picked a wider known song to sing she would have been more enjoyed. She in a moving airing Oct 18th on the Hallmark channel, with Florence Henderson, Donna Mills and Pam Grier in "Ladies of the House."

Lalah Hathaway - What can I say about this little woman that comes on the stage in a black gown barefoot. I know...I forgot all about her not having on shoes when she started sing..so I say..Sing dammit!

Raven-Symoné - She was funny as yall know. Lil mama (I mean a lil big mama) danced her ass off pulling down her skirt the whole time. She half jokingly called for security while this white lesbian professed her love to her while she was on stage speaking with Sheryl. So if you thought that only black people act up at shows you're wrong!!

Alicia Myers - Disco Diva returned. The audience didn't give her much love either but she did look good and sang well also. She sang I Want To Thank You. Some of you youngins might not know her. But you others will remember sweating to her music.

Leigh Jones - Some of yall might not know about Leigh. If not check her out you'll be surprised just like most of the people in the audience were. Un huh yeah they were. Click on her name for a link to a youtube video of hers. Her latest CD is nice too.

Angie Stone - Angie, Angie, Angie...lawd I don't know why you put that dress on baby girl. You can sing you don't have to try to be creative by getting someone to put what appeared to be strips from a potato bag all over the front of a lime green dress. It was not cute at all. Oh no you got worst dressed last night. Even the pseudo drag queen that was in the audience with his grandmother's church hat on, that many of the performers took notice of, looked better dressed than you. I think you could have picked a better song too. Now I don't even remember what it was. I'm not sure anyone else does either, especially since you made everybody stand up and sway and the song never did anything to sway about. Angie, Angie, Angie.

Trin-I-Tee 5:7 - These are gospel girls if yall didn't know. They did a good job but it was at times with the choreography difficult to tell that this was a gospel song. But yall sang nonetheless. Click the link you'll see what I mean although the video doesn't show their moves like we witnessed last night. Maybe it's because they're so attractive or something I don't know judge for yourself.

Now for the Devo's that were on stage.

Kenny Lattimore - He opened the show and did a little slow dance with Sheryl. Yeah Sheryl some of us wanted to be you in that situation. Hee hee.

Von Smith - He'd remind you of a young Sam Harris from...oh shoot I can't remember the name of the show. You know the one I'm talking about that was on before American Idol became the famous show featuring singers who wanted to break into the business..shoot somebody help me. Anyway, I understand he 1st got his big recognition by posting himself singing And I'm Telling you on youtube. Ok, I found the name of the show...Star Search! Thank you Fullundie! Click on Von's name to see the youtube spot.

Donald Lawrence - Grammy award-winning songwriter, producer, arranger and music director ended the show with most of the ladies and a gospel choir on stage. What's the term for an orgasm that is not as big as you thought it would be. Oh yeah Anti-climatic. Nuff said.

Oh my stars! I almost forgot the star of the show!!

Patti LaBelle - Ok now don't tell anybody this but I've never been that big of a fan of Patti's but I do give her much deserved respect. With that being said, she did sing and perform her ass off. I thoroughly enjoyed her stage presence and an I don't know what that came across on stage. Maybe it was her genuineness. I don't know but she was excellent.

I'm Free

Sometimes it takes a minute to get yourself back together. I've been making posts but not really saying exactly what was on my mind. That's because I was in something. (don't want to call it a relationship, because admittedly that's not what it was)

Now that it is over I feel free. I'll call him Illusion. I enjoyed Illusion's company, he was intelligent, attractive, and extremely charming. It just didn't work out and it didn't end nicely either. There wasn't any fighting, yelling or anything like that. He said that he wasn't the man that he felt that I needed. I should have just said ok and let it go but I slipped and wanted to be heard. How unnecessary was that? I knew it was coming to this but he just beat me to saying it.

I'm glad that I had the good times that I did. I'm doubly glad that it is over. I did make one mistake a week or so after things ended, trying to contact Illusion in person one more time offering something that I know he needed.

I shouldn't have done that but I don't regret it. Since then there has been no contact or much thought about him and I feel real good about it.

There was someone who has (I'll call him Jag) wanted to get to know me for awhile but I couldn't because I was trying to figure out what this thing was. Jag understood and never tried to make waves to the thing I was in. He didn't call me or make snide remarks when he saw me in public on very few occaisions.

Not two days after my mistake of attempting to contact Illusion. I ran into Jag in the grocery store of all places. He saw me before I saw him. He called my name and we began to talk. On every occaisions that I had seen him prior he had not asked if I was still in that thing. This time he did. I told him that I wasn't. He didn't smile but looked a little sad and asked me if I was ok. I assurred him that I was. And feeling free. And I really am, no more worries about the illusion, no more feeling sorry for the illusion, no more wondering if the illusion is being honest, no more illusions.

Jag said he would call the next day and he did. We talked about family, politics, travel, religion, charity and more. He said he would call again and he did. He invited me to dinner and I accepted. We went to Union Station in downtown Los Angeles. I thought we were going to the restaurant Traxx that's housed inside, but we headed for the trains. We boarded a train headed for Del Mar. Once in Del Mar we caught a cab to the Pamplemousse Grille . The ride took a little over an hour and allowed us to talk on the train before enjoying a wonderful dinner and continued great conversation.

Sometimes you have to go through something to get to something. I have no expectations of this going anywhere but it was fun and I enjoyed the moment. I'm grateful for all that I've gone through to get to where I am. I have many memories that I'll cherish and I know there will be more.

I wish illusion much success because I refuse to dwell in a thing that was never going to be anything. I do not wish him any ill and hope that mentally he will be well.

I'm here enjoying the moments.

Rebuke in Verse

Get them back...they don't deserve to be close to you. You don't have to do a thing because it's already been done. Just be still and you'll see.

Protected

There had been a storm in my life as I'm sure you could tell by the types of posts I had been making. I had to read this Psalm several times to remember...

I hope it helps you if you too feel like you are in a storm that just won't seem to pass. Trust in the Lord because the storm will pass leaving you victorious if you just remember...




Psalm 118
1 Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever.
2 Let Israel say: "His love endures forever."
3 Let the house of Aaron say: "His love endures forever."
4 Let those who fear the LORD say: "His love endures forever."
5 In my anguish I cried to the LORD, and he answered by setting me free.
6 The LORD is with me; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?
7 The LORD is with me; he is my helper. I will look in triumph on my enemies.
8 It is better to take refuge in the LORD than to trust in man.
9 It is better to take refuge in the LORD than to trust in princes.
10 All the nations surrounded me, but in the name of the LORD I cut them off.
11 They surrounded me on every side, but in the name of the LORD I cut them off.
12 They swarmed around me like bees, but they died out as quickly as burning thorns; in the name of the LORD I cut them off.
13 I was pushed back and about to fall, but the LORD helped me.
14 The LORD is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation.
15 Shouts of joy and victory resound in the tents of the righteous: "The LORD's right hand has done mighty things!
16 The LORD's right hand is lifted high; the LORD's right hand has done mighty things!"
17 I will not die but live, and will proclaim what the LORD has done.
18 The LORD has chastened me severely, but he has not given me over to death.
19 Open for me the gates of righteousness; I will enter and give thanks to the LORD.
20 This is the gate of the LORD through which the righteous may enter.
21 I will give you thanks, for you answered me; you have become my salvation.
22 The stone the builders rejected has become the capstone;
23 the LORD has done this, and it is marvelous in our eyes.
24 This is the day the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.
25 O LORD, save us; O LORD, grant us success.
26 Blessed is he who comes in the name of the LORD. From the house of the LORD we bless you.
27 The LORD is God, and he has made his light shine upon us. With boughs in hand, join in the festal procession up to the horns of the altar.
28 You are my God, and I will give you thanks; you are my God, and I will exalt you.
29 Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever.

Revelation in Imagery

To say the least I've had some experiences that have taken me to places I didn't necessarily choose to go on my own accord. Instead of recounting the good and the bad, I've chosen these images and captions to tell you where I've been and where I am now.

If you understand these transitions let me know.

1. Momentarily Refreshed

2. Darkest before the dawn

3. Cleansed by the light

























4. Master of my soul

Ain't No Way

One thing I've learned in my years of living is that you can't make anyone love you the way that you want them to unless that is exactly what they want to do effortlessly. At some point you're going to have to either let them love you like they know how or let them go.





It's up to you to decide what your spirit can take. I think Aretha said it best with her song ain't no way. Also, Kenny Lattimore has remade this song on his new cd and it is very very good!

Check out Aretha

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y-WoC9RfuoU

Courage

It takes courage to steadfastly maintain ones virtues. Alas, that is the true measure of courage.

To erratically pontificate prose of bliss while matriculating to distractions of the lotteries of life, one falls short of the gifts bestowed by God.

At Times

At times life offers very cruel solutions for one's reality.

Thoughts?

With Eyes Closed

I could hear it rumbling like an 18 wheel truck making its way down a Los Angeles poorly maintained street.

The ungodly concrete lay cold, coarse and helpless as the roots of the Ficus trees traversed just beneath its belly premeditatedly to malign it's hardened arrogance with multiple fractures.