Read Someone New

I hope you don't think that I'm about to post about cursin' someone out. LOL.

This post is about supporting each other. We all know folks that have written books and we buy them to support them. What you may not know is that many publishers that are not diverse in their thinking as they want you to believe they are pressure our Black writers to tone down their characters, beef up stories etc. At times what you are reading is not the voice that the writer wanted you to hear but the voice that the publisher thought would sell best.

Now I don't claim to be the all knowing of the publishing industry or anything close to it. However, what I do wholeheartedly believe in is support our own. Supporting the start up Black companies. Which relates back to my post Financially Fit.

We as a collective Black community need to be Financially Fit....The only way to do that is if we support each other in any business venture(s) we start. As you know once black people start buying something all the other cultures will follow suit. So why haven't we paid attention to that and made some money??? I don't even know how to answer that.

I'll just end my post by introducing you to a new Black Publisher who publishes books by Authors that you may not have heard of before. He publishes their words not his. Chuma Spirit Books' mission is to SUPPORT independent artistry. This company is innovative in it's attempt to get Author's who may not have the resources or the know how of some to be published.

Support this brotha and good friend of mine, along with the Black writers that he hopes to sore into the world on the back of a Butterfly.

Fools fall in love

And small I love Jennifer Holiday still. Jennifer Hudson is filling some big shoes and is doing a great job. However, Jennifer Holiday is untouchable. Jennie where are you???????

jennifer holiday

Big I loved Jennifer Holiday.

The picture in my mind.

This picture describes how I'm feeling.

Happy Holidays

I never really feel the holidays because I hate shopping when told it's time to shop. Hence, my not having bought 1 xmas gift yet. However, I am starting to feel the spirit of the season and want to wish all a Happy Holidays!

The Law of Attraction

I was given a gift of a DVD by a very good girlfriend of mine. She gave me this gift for my birthday, which was in August. I had not looked at the DVD until today. The name of the DVD is called The Secret. She told me that I probably wouldn't be able to watch it all at one time and not to worry about that. She was right I wasn't able to watch it all at one time. I need to let it marinate. I really want to enforce the ideas of this DVD into my life.

What the DVD talks about is the Law of Attraction. It's the idea that the things you think about are the things that you attract to yourself and that you can attract anything that you want. Simple as that. I do believe wholeheartedly in visualization and the DVD talks about that as well.

I wanted to share a little of it with you all in hopes that it will cause a change in the Black Community to be more prosperous and positive. Here are just a couple of things the DVD says to do:

1. Make a list of all the things you have that you are grateful for. The things that you think about are the things that come about in your life. It's funny that I am viewing this DVD now because the post that I made about my car was a direct result of what I had been thinking. I had been thinking and thinking and thinking about a new car. But I wasn't really making any moves towards it just thinking about it. And the universe or God made it happen for me.

Everyday we should think about the things that we are grateful for. That helps us to remain positive in our thinking and postive things happen to us.

2. Visualize then you materialize. Visualize the things you want in your life and feel the joy of having those things. If it's a new car. Close your eyes and picture yourself in the car driving and and experience how you will feel.

The other most important thing that I got so far from the DVD was this. The how's of making something happen are the domain of the universe or God.

I'm excited about this because this is going to be the beginning of a good year for us all. Simply because you read what I had to say and you will see that it is true. We all know that God only wants good for us. Then we should be grateful and thankful for the things he has provided and realize that by being positive our gifts for love, wealth, and health are already provided.


I'm visualizing a strong Black community that is unified in it's commitment to each other.

Unsure of the Value

I'm sitting in my office at home checking email when I hear in the background a movie that is starting to sound interesting. So I turn around and am instantly drawn into it. After watching it for awhile I think, "Is this that movie about 911?"

Well to quench my curiousity I click the info button on my remote, and low and behold it is. Flight 93.

When that movie came to the theaters I decided not to watch it. The drama of the movie pulled me in but when I realized what it was I changed the channel.

I just do not want to be desensitized to such a horrific event that touched so many lives.

I don't understand the value of making a film about this event. I especially didn't understand it so soon after the occurrance. Am I being too sensitive?

Risks = Fear

It's strange for me to be writing a post on this topic. I am not one that easily takes a risk. Due to fear of course.

But I had a conversation with myself the Friday after Thanksgiving and told myself that it was time to stop being afraid. God will not put more on me than I can bare. I am witness to that for sure. He has never let me down and that is why I pray and thank him daily.

I was driving the same car since 1993 a Mercury Capri. NO they don't make them anymore! sigh. It has been time for me to get a new car for quite awhile. I just was afraid. Afraid that something would happen at my job that we cause me to be jobless and then not be able to pay the car note or my mortgage. Well that wasn't God talking to me. I think God had enough of me and my fear and I was in an accident the Wednesday before Thanksgiving. Hit by a guy backing out of a driveway not paying attention and backed right into my passenger door. Huge dent in the door and shattered glass everywhere. Well if that wasn't bad enough. This fool had no insurance, license nor was he an american citizen. Something told me to call the police. But I didn't. I wouldn't get anything for my car and the hassle of dealing with this illegal immigrant was not something I wanted to fill my life with.


(This was my car except it was silver and included dings, scratches and a dent. The last dent was the last straw. I was not about to drive around town with with a big dent in the door and plastic on my window!)






Then I finally listened to what God was telling me and what he tells us all. I will not put more on you than you can bare. So I decided to finally get the car that I wanted. And I feel fine about it because I know that I will be all right!

I will also be taking more risks in my life and making things happen. I know I said something similiar to this awile ago but I mean it and I'm doing it.

I'm saying all this to you so that you know that anything that you want you can have. It is yours for the taking. Do not be afraid. Once you take that 1st step, the fear is gone and you wonder....What the hell was I afraid of.

Take a Risk..I did and I'm doing fine!!!

In A Sentimental Mood

I'm in a sentimental mood
Just want to sit around and brood

Trying to find the love of my life
Doesn't he know my life is full of strife?

If he did I know he would come
But here I am dreaming of the happiness of some

I'm in a Sentimental Mood
Just want to sit around and brood

Phyllis Hyman - In A Sentimental Mood (1981)

Phyllis Hyman In a Sentimental Mood 1981

Brotherhood

There is an African Proverb which succinctly captures the humanity upon which a sense of community is founded:

Umuntu ngumuntu ngabanye ngabantu Motho Ke motho Ka batho

The broad meaning of this proverb is that each person's huminity is ideally expressed through his or her relationship with others, and theirs in turn, through a recognition of that person's humanity.

Nelson Mandela

Photo title: Self-Portrait with Clarence Profit
artist: James VanDerZee
year:1930s
process:vintage gelatin silver print

True Grits

Look for this short and 2 more that go with it at a Film Festival near you soon. Written by Blaine Teamer. Also check out his book Shady. It will have you laughing out loud!

Financially Fit

I just have a word of advice for the younger brothers in blogland. Get your finances in order. I know that in Black Families we don't learn a lot about finances. That is usually a secret topic. As a child most of the time we just know what we have and what we don't have. However, we rarely learn what we can have and how to get it.

Get your self ready to purchase a house. It may not mean a whole lot to you right now but ultimately one day you will want to purchase. Real Estate is one industry that you can bet will not end. However, it does go up and down in value. Right now it's up and looking at the total amount to purchase a house can scare the hell out of you making you think I could never afford that. That can not be further from the truth. With rent at an all time high you could actually be paying more for rent than you would for a mortgage.

A friend of mine is looking for an apartment right now because the building he lives in is going condo. He's not in a financial position to purchase the apt and frankly doesn't want to. He's been looking around town for a 1 or 2 bedroom apartment in decent areas of Los Angeles. The prices range from $1,300.00 to $2700.00 a month or more. Now why in the hell should you pay that much for something you don't own. My mortgage is more than half of that and I'll have much more space than he will find.

So get rid of the fear of buying a home by understanding what it entails. Even if your not ready to buy a house learn some of the basics.

How much would you have to put down for a house? That can be scary when you think 10% or more on a $200,000.00 home. (Don't move to L.A. cuz you probably wouldn't want to live in a $200k home. Now that's scary) At any rate if you start to save just a little bit of money each time you get paid you will have that down payment. You determine the amount. I can't tell you how much. Whether it's $50 or $100 you'll be surprised how quickly a year passes and you have saved from $1200.00 or $2400.00. In 5 years that's $6,000.00 or $12,000.00.

Just decide when it is that you want to buy a house and add that money up over that time period. You'll have your down payment. You'll have a mortgage that is more than likely less than what you are paying in rent.

There are many 1st time buyer programs out there that any bank can help you with. If your still a little nervous. Go to any bank website and look up mortgages and they'll have a mortgage calculator so that you can see what your mortgage payment will be. A word of caution that's not all you have to figure in. There will be those dayum fees that banks charge that could be from $3,000 to $5,000 in total. Don't worry that's just added to your mortgage. So $5,000.00 over 30 years is only $13.88. So add that and your taxes which could be about $200.00 a month. This will all help you remove that fear. Another thing you can get from these websites is terminology. They'll usually have definitions of all the terms.

My last word....Get rid of your credit card debt anyway that you can. Consolidate it into one card or whatever you have to do. It's good to have credit but it can also hurt you.

The only way Black people will have power is with financial fitness. Get fit! Even if your just saving $5.00 a paycheck.

Grieve

We are still dying. Young gay Black men. I know there is a lot of focus on the Black Woman in the AIDs fight. However, Black Men we are still dying. I started to get into the discussion on whether enough is being done in the fight for Black Men or why are Black Men still participating in unprotected sex? I decided not to go down that road. We've all heard it before and I don't think that the multitude of solutions are really solutions at all. In my opinion many of the so-called solutions to end AIDs are simply money making efforts by politicians, drug companies a means for non-profit agencies to create a money-maker. I will not to get into that subject as I admit I am not a scholar of the field at all.

However, one thing that I am very close to is loosing those who have died from this disease. I've heard people say that I have lost 20, 40, 50 or more friends to this disease. I'm not sure why the number of deaths means so much to some people. I don't know how many of my friends and acquaintances have died. I just know that they are not here. I've never counted and never wanted to. I think by doing that it would lesson their meaning to me.

I am writing this because another friend of mine just passed away from AIDs complications. His name is Terrence Evans.

How do we grieve for friends that die? In this lifestyle it is difficult to grieve in what one might consider the right way. The right way? That in itself doesn't sound right to me. We should not be grieving at all for these young men. They should be here with us. Yet they are not so we must grieve.

Back to my question, how do we grieve for them? I know I don't have the answer. Many of the people we know, we don't know their families. Most times when you hear of someone's death it is from another friend. So you ask your friend all the questions that you would ask if it was a family member privy to all the information surrounding the death.

When...? Where...? What...? How..?
We can all fill in the beginning of those questions.

If it is a family member that is the bearer of the news, you'll more than likely get all of your questions answered. This usually means that there was a true connection with their son, brother, father and knew of his lifestyle. If it news comes from a friend, in most cases there will not be any information other than he passed away. The What, When Where and How questions don't garner as much satisfaction.

The satisfaction of these questions lets you know that you now can claim a clear resolution in your mind. Thoughts of when you first met your friend immediately come to mind when you hear the news. Then thoughts of the mutual experiences you've shared. The next thoughts usually are thoughts of resolution. Knowing that your friend is really gone, that you were able to say goodbye at their wake or funeral.

When one isn't able to resolve the end in their mind. You have feelings that you will see them again even though intellectually you know you won't. Although we accept our friends death as true, how do we grieve if you are not a participant in the process of their final rest?

It's a sad feeling and it never goes away. This can not be healthy when you have experienced this so many times. Do we all need therapy or have we become numb to death? There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Acknowledge your grieving. If you are unsure how to grieve, The Caring Connections may be of help to you.

Good bye Terrence Evans I love you.

You Gotta Lotta Nerve

I know I've been away awhile.

To say I have been working like a slave is an understatement. Even while working long hours I agreed to help plan a co-workers mother's 80th Birthday Party for next month. I began the planning in August. Everything was going smoothly. I created a plan for the party with my tasks and my co-workers tasks. This is going to be an easy event I thought.

The party will take place at Dulan's Catering and Banquet Hall. That meant the location and food have been taken care of in one swoop. Great! All I need to do now is some decoration and invitations. The theme of the party is "This Is You're Life" sort of like the old television show. The Happy Birthday Banner has been ordered, I custom made vases for the centerpiece with a then picture and now picture of her mother on each side of the square vase. The vase will hold yellow roses her mothers favorite and in her favorite color. I created the invitation and a save the date notice. The save the date notice informs the invitee of the date of the party and also of the memorable gift that we'd like to create for her mother. The gift is a book that all the invited guests will help in creating. It will include anything that the guests would like to send whether a note or picture from past or present. The gift will be presented at the party.

On countless occaisions I have asked this woman what her budget for the party is. Each time she has not wanted to tell me. So therefore I have been trying to do things in the most cost-effective ways as possible. When people don't want to give you a budget that means they don't want to spend a lot of money or they don't want to give you any money up front. I should have stopped right there and not done the event until a budget was defined. My mistake!

At any rate I do really like this woman. However, she can be something else at times. The invitations went out two weeks late meaning Sept 15th because she would not get stamps for the invitations or save the date notices. She hadn't even provided me with the guest list. So by the time she did get stamps and all to me, I had to mail everything in one package. I told her at that point that I thought that one stamp would not be enough postage to send these.

"Oh yes it will my husband is a retired postal worker and he said it was enough". she sharply responded.

"Maybe we should get them weighed just in case." I said.

With a look of I know what the hell I'm talking about she said, "You need to hurry up and get the invitations out."

Ok I'll mail them in the morning. And that I did, with the one stamp. This past weekend she called me to say that she had called several people and they had not received the invitation yet. Well if there wasn't enough postage on them maybe it's taking a little longer to arrive or they'll be sent back to us. Today they arrived back needing 48 more cents of postage. Before they arrived in the mail I frantically spent a couple of hours creating a new apology invite to send right away. Right after I got them printed this morning is when the original ones arrived from the post office.

Now this woman had a tone in her voice that I am very familiar with. It's that tone you messed up and are ruining this event. I tried not to react to that, because I know that she was just nervous about the party. She left me with the feeling that it was all my fault. That was pissing me off.

I wasn't going to react because if she wasn't being so cheap and slow to get her things together then this would never have happened. Now I'm waiting for her to get me more picutures so that I can create a slide show presentation that will show throughout the party. This is because all those that she has asked to speak at the party have all declined.

So there we were adding additional stamps to the packages, including the apology for the late notice to the package. When she says jokingly, I'm taking this work out of your pay.

Now I don't need this money. Planning parties is something that's fun for me. But lawd help me not to go off on this woman and tell her that her shit is raggedy and if she tries not to pay me our agreed upon amount that I will sue her fat black wannabe grand ass for this discounted amount she is paying me!! (And trust me she is not grand at all.)

Ok now I got that out so I'll be fine now. However, I have learned one lesson not to let a client get away with not having a budget or getting half the money upfront.

I'm still going to make it a very nice event for her mother. It's not her fault she has an ignorant daughter. Or is it??????????

Weather Roach

This is hilarious!

What do you think?

I don't care if someone calls me a Nigga. That doesn't bother me. Now if they call me a Bitch we're going to have a problem.

--------Ice Cube... On the documentary The "N" Word

That was one of the stupidest thing that I have ever heard.



I received this movie from Netflix about a week ago and now that I was finally able to sit down and relax enough to watch it. I watched it this morning. There were some very interesting comments by people. For many in the documentary the word is loosing it's strength. For others it still has the same strength.

One of the most insightful comments for me was by Cee-Lo. He said basically (not a direct quote) that the word is a money maker. Just like back in the day when Black people in movies had to coon it up or shuffle their feet as entertainment for White people. What really is the difference? The difference to me is now these Black people that are cooning on stage or being a real man, as they refer to themselves are getting paid big time.

So if the changing of the word came from Black people who struggled in the ghetto doing what they had to do or act how they had to act to be "real" then why are they now living in Multi-Million dollar homes far away from the ghetto. Is that still "Real"?

The white people are still laughing at Black people calling each other names that are derogatory in it's essence all the way to the bank as well as calling them Nigger behind their backs. Not Nigga, because to them they'd rather pronounce it properly. Just like the southern whites who felt they were of better class than those whites of lower class who would say niggah, they chose to say Nigra. Do the words meaning anything different just because they are pronounced a differently?

A lot of the Rappers and Hip Hop community see themselves as desensitizing the word. However, the word still has the same meaning. It has becomes cloudy in it's interpretation and and confusing for who can and who can not use it. Cee-Lo also mentioned a business man who went to China for a business deal and was greeted by a Chinese man with "Hi Nigga!" So that's how American Black men are seen. George Wolff, playwright said in other countries America is defined by McDonald's and Niggas.

That's just like when people in other parts of the US think about Compton they think dangerous. That's stupid too cuz Los Angeles is dangerous everywhere. In practically every area of Los Angeles the well to do areas are usually only separated by a couple of blocks.

One last question for everyone. Isn't saying the "N" word just an acronym for Nigga, Nigger, Niggah, or Nigra? Everytime I hear the "N" word that's exactly what it means to me. How about you?

Maybe we can start saying: Hi Chink, Hi Spic, Hi #$%&* etc. I wonder how other ethnic groups will react?

What do you think? Let me know.

My Mouth is Dry

I really want to talk about an incident I endured this past Sunday. However, it would take so much to explain it all that I think you might get bored. So in a nutshell. I went to an impromptu meeting of some Black Gay men who wanted to discuss our concerns and struggles in the world today and how we might be able to help each other. The overall consensus was that Black men period are invisible. I know you've all heard that before and surely felt it, that is if you are a Black Man.

There was one brother at the event who simply floored me with his arrogance. It was that type of arrogance that is subtle and masked by a command of the English language that can sometimes fool you into thinking that one is saying something of great importance. Well I am a good listener, however not such a great speaker. This brotha was basing the activities of 3 young black men and using their behavior to characterize most young black men. He then questioned why won't young men take opportunities given to them such as the one he was providing.

I was disgusted to say the least at the way he described one situation. I was to the point of stuttering. When I'm upset I have difficulty getting words out and at times can't form an intelligent thought successfully. I tried though. Probably my 1st mistake. I should have just ignored him. But I felt he would go on and on.

My comments to him were along the lines of: What did you do to help him understand the opportunity that you were giving him and how he was jeopardizing it? Why were you questioning him as if you were law enforcement.

From that he went into that I really don't know the situation or him so I should not be able to accurately assess the situation. My mind went to then why in the hell are you using that as an example. I said it too.

I told him that I found that in many situations when there is a Black man in a position of power they sometimes do not appropriately mentor those in positions below their own. In fact sometimes expect that one should just know. One guy summarized my words succinctly by quoting something he read. Many times those enslaved take on the characteristics of the enslaver.

Well the arrogant brotha didn't get it and continued to speak to me as if I was clueless as to what he was talking about. Actually I wasn't responding to what he was talking about I was responding to his attitude. Was he really interested in the success of these young men. Why wasn't he able to talk to them to find out what it was that they needed or why their behavior was less than exemplary? With that his face changed as he looked around the room and continued to make comments as if I had completely missed the boat. Since he was better known within this group of men he was successful to a certain degree in bringing a couple of other brothas to agreeing with his point of view.

One brotha even commented and asked me if there was something that I needed to talk about because I seemed like I was hurt. This made the steam in my mind puddle and boil.

No I don't need to talk about anything and there is no need for be condescending to me. Their eyes bugged and they looked around like this man is nuts. At least that was my impression of their behavior. Maybe I was being sensitive at that point...Nonetheless I didn't appreciate it.

My mouth was dry and I was shaking inside trying not to show it. Like I said. I should have just ignored him. Have you ever been made to feel as if what you are saying is absurd? Like your comments seem to be coming from a location in the universe that hasn't been identified as a planet yet?

One of the 1st things I learned in my psychology classes was, The hardest thing to prove is that you are not crazy. Simply put let 2 people say that you are crazy and see how crazy you sound trying to convince them that you are not.

Cell Phone Beatdown!

I haven't been blogging for awhile and was getting close to getting back into the swing of things. However, I wanted to wait until I had some positive things to say. Screeech goes the brakes on finding something positive for a moment. I gotta express my feelings on this topic.

I went to a seminar this past weekend that offered many breakout sessions on different topics that effect Black Men. We enjoyed a continental breakfast, conversation and were just about to hear a couple of speakers. It felt like it was going to be a really nice Saturday morning.

I sat at the table with a few people some I knew and some I didn't. Just before the program began a guy about 25 years old, thinking he's the IT girl but looks a steaming hot mess sits down at our table. He flops down right next to me and says absolutely nothing. So I turned to him spoke and told him my name. He responded in kind. As the program started IT got a phone call. Of course whenever anything like that happens everyone in the room turns around to see who forgot to turn the cell phone off.

Well most normal people would just turn off the phone once they realize that they hadn't already. Not this steaming hot mess. He answers the phone and starts talking. Talking in his normal speaking voice. All at our table seemed annoyed and looked at him. Again a normal person would have ended the call he didn't until a few minutes more. After that episode we went on to the rest of the day of seminars until Lunch time.

After the morning sessions it was lunch time. We all pretty much sat at the same tables from the morning. I actually was not even thinking that IT would be on the phone again after the looks he got at breakfast. During the entire lunch no cell phone. As we listened to the final speaker of the day IT decides to make a phone call.

I had had enough, so I turned to IT and said will not you get on the phone please. You are disturbing everyone at the table who is trying to listen to the speaker.

IT: You know there are plenty of other places to sit in here.

ME: Then move!

IT: I'm not moving no damn where and I'll get on my phone if I want to so why don't you just turn around and mind your business.

IT really doesn't know who he's dealing with and that shyt raised my blood pressure to burst. Without even realizing it I tried to snatch the phone from his hand at the same time saying...

ME: Get off the phone!

IT: You are not going to take my phone from me! I will not let you do that.

Thinking to myself. Man you are not this queens daddy.

ME: I apologize for grabbing at your phone, I shouldn't have done that. But you don't need to be on it. You're disturbing the rest of us at this table.

I then turned back. IT said nothing. Moments later IT slithered out of the room.

I was fuming at the nerve of him and at myself for loosing control. Thank God I was able to catch myself though cuz what I felt myself doing was not talking to this fool. But rather grabbing him by his neck and beating him with that dayum phone.

After the lunch I walked right over to IT and told him that I wanted to speak to him.

IT: I wish you wouldn't.

ME: Maybe so but I need to say something to you. Again I apologize for grabbing at your phone I shouldn't have. However, what you were doing was inappropriate.

IT: I was making a 911 Emergency call.

ME: Then you should have taken the call outside the room. If it was a emergency call you were making then why are you still here?

I just walked away cuz I didn't want IT to get my pressure up again especially with there being more room in the lobby for me to lay his ass out!

People neither of our behavior was appropriate. Avoid this type of situation by turning the cell phones off in some situations.

Stress Headache

Well I thought I would be back in full force blogging again...but I have been really stressed at work. Hardly anyone is allowed to take any vacation right now due to this global project that will be implemented on Sept. 5th. Yeah Labor Day, so that might be a holiday that I won't get to enjoy.At any rate, I thought I would share this commercial that I found. It's for Excedrin. Just what I needed to get me through another day in the office. I think many of you will want to buy this product too. Get it before it's all sold out!!!


Excedrin