Staring

Do you ever go through times in your life where you find yourself staring at those around you. Whether it is people at work, friends or family. Sometimes you just wonder where are they really coming from? What is it that they are getting from me or need from me?

Sometimes when their mouths are moving I just sit there and stare. I just have no words. My trip is coming up soon and I am so looking forward to getting away from the lips moving and not saying shit!

Valentine

Happy Valentine's Day everyone!

Last year I wrote this mushy valentine post. I don't regret anything I said on that post. That was a page in a chapter that is long completed. If there were book burners in life they would have ripped that chapter out to start the fire.

This year I'm sending love to all that read this post.

MUUUUUUUUAAAAAH!

Another Movie for Beyoncé

Well Beyonce has another movie scheduled to come out on April 24th called Obsessed. It actually looks like it might be a decent movie. It stars she, Idris Elba and Ali Larter. Although some times movies look good in the trailer but could be a hot mess. Click on the word Obsessed to check out the trailer.


I just realized that Deonte'K posted on this movie too in January. Well I really have nothing else to say about it...don't want to make him mad...he thinks Beyonce is his 2nd wife..hee hee.

What did you want to be?

Is there something that you had passion about when you were growing up that because of school or the necessity to survive you went down a path other than you initial passion?

When I was young I wanted to be a Carol Burnett dancer on her variety show. I know I'm dating myself but what the hell I don't look it! :-P There was only one black male dancer on the show and they always had him in the back. I just knew that if I was dancing on the show they'd have to put me in the front because I was so good. I can remember my brother saying to me that he thought I was going to join the Navy because of the Navy movies that I used to watch. Little did he realize, the navy movies that I was watching were of Fred Astaire and Gene Kelly portraying seaman and I used to watch those movies because I loved the dancing. Here's a clip of one of Carol Burnett's show's with the Jackson 5 performing. You'll see the black dancer in his normal spot in the back or far off to the left.




Although the show didn't have that much soul ...yeah that was what we said at the time...I still wanted to dance on it. You didn't see many black dancers at all on TV during these times. Now these clips show some black dancers with soul. If you want to go straight to the dancing go to about 2:40 mins

Patience

I have been popping patience pills for awhile now. But lately I feel like I'm about to overdose. I haven't been blogging or reading blogs for a few days.

Since the new year I have worked my A$$ off. I'm being stressed to the limit with things that people expect of me and those that are disregarding me.

I remember years ago someone told me that I didn't know how to say no. So I learned but lately I feel like my lessons have been lost. I need to practice...no no no no no no, no dammit!

I hope to be back to normal next week. Sorry I haven't been around for a few days.

Oh yeah I almost got kicked off the Africa trip. I'll have to blog about that one of these days. Still pissed off about it. But I am going and can't wait!!!

Honored

I was given an award and a very nice compliment that caused me to be at a loss for words. This is why...Moanerplicities gave me the Helping Hand award that you see to the left. I remember when I first started blogging I was doing it just to practice writing and to get some things off my chest. I guess I'm still doing that. I read many blogs and thru those blogs I found my own voice. Moanerplicities' blog was one that I always read and find it always soulful. I'm a soul child so that always turns me on. Right on to Moanerplicities!! :-) See the verbiage for the award and what those awarded should do next.

Receiving the Emblem in recognition for your mentoring, support, and encouragement to a fellow blogger is no small fete! It is evidence that you have gone well beyond the call of duty by your continued efforts to "leave the pile higher than you found it"! It is further evidence that your blog(s)has been identified as the epitome of excellence and is certainly admired.Thank you for your inspiration.

1. Simply Fred Smith - Thanks for getting me started!

2. Black

3. Just 4 Today

4. Fuzzy

5. Coming Into My Own - I call her Beautiful Black Butterfly

Receiving the Emblem from a seasoned blogger is a testimony to you that you're on the right track! That your voice is being heard. And there are those out here in the blogsphere that recognize your potential even if you don't. Keep up the good work, and remember to "Pay it Forward".Even though you may already be "seasoned", continue to inspire:

1. The Gayte-Keeper

2. Forever I Love Atlanta

3. Look At This Nigger

4. D'eonte K's Spot

5. A Day In The Life of Kendall

* I know I'm not supposed to do this but I want to give the award to all those in D-Favorite Places cuz they all inspire me. That's why their favorites. But the rules were to only list 10.

The Rules:

1. Select 10 bloggers: 5 you consider your blogging Helping Hand then "Pay it Forward" by extending your "Helping Hand" to 5 additional bloggers in support and encouragement for their efforts.

2. In passing on the Emblem, each recipient must provide the name of blog or blog author with a link for others to visit.Each recipient must show the Emblem and put the name and link to the blog that has given it to her or him.

3. Link the Emblem to this post: Helping Hand: Much Obliged and Paying it Forward so that others will know it origin and impetus.

4. If you have not already done so, show your recipients some love by adding them to your blog roll, Technorati Favorite list, or in any other way to further let them know that their blog voice is important to you and being heard.

5. Add your name to The Helping Hand meme and don't forget to leave a comment as a permanent record of all Helping Hand recipients.

6. Display the rules.

Happy Black President's Day!

Happy Black President's Day yall!

As Martin Luther King, Jr and President Barack Obama used words of hope. So do I. I hope for small changes that make big impacts.

The picture in this post is the subject of my hope. Hope that young and old Black men will be seen in a new light. A light that doesn't focus on our faults, so vividly displayed by the media at every turn, but on the strengths of our character, creativity, intelligence, commitment and beauty.

I dreamed as did Martin of this day. I pray for healthy relationships, successful ambitions, meaningful lives, and abundant resiliency.

Times were very different..be thankful

Not so very long ago things in America were very different. About 20 years ago when people were dying like flies from AIDS their going home celebrations were not always dignified. Here's an example:

Vernon

Vernon a gay man served in the armed forces. I met Vernon through his ex lover Greg as they remained very good friends. Soft spoken, with his military discipline he had a kind heart and embraced me as a new friend. I was the youngest of their group of friends. There was always something going on. From a party, bar-b-Que, road trip to San Francisco or San Diego, beach parties, you name it they always included me.

As I began to get a little older and find my way through Los Angeles on my own with the lessons they had taught me. I would see Vernon out at the club or just around the city. He still looked good and still had that smile that let you know he cared about you.

Years later I heard that Vernon had AIDS and he wasn't doing very well. He was home with his mother here in Los Angeles. Maybe 3 weeks after I heard the news of his illness, I received another phone call that Vernon had died and given the details of his funeral.

I was there for the service that was held at the funeral home. His home Church would not allow his AIDS ridden body into the Lord's house. I remember the night when he passed and Greg and Vernon's mother attempted to find a Funeral Home that would take him. None of the Black popular funeral homes in L.A. would take him so they settled for a small one in the Black community. The white funeral homes were called too but all hung up once they found out the cause of his death.

After a few days of his body laying in the hospital the small black funeral home picked him up. The funeral home told his mother that they would be able to embalm him unlike most of the other homes that would not even if they did take him. As the ritual is you give the funeral home the clothes that you want the deceased to be buried in. His mother purchased a brand new Armani Suit (like Vernon always wanted), shoes, shirt and tie.

On the day of the funeral Vernon's mother was told by the Funeral Director that the service would be a closed casket funeral, due to the effects of embalming a person with AIDS. The service went on without a hitch. The procession formed and we were off to the cemetery. While following the hearse all of a sudden it stopped in front of the cemetery gates. We all pulled over and got out of our cars to find out what was wrong.

I walked over to Greg who was riding with Vernon's mother and he told me that, Vernon's mother insists on seeing her son before he is put in the ground. The reason they stopped outside the cemetery's gates is because this was a military cemetery and once inside Vernon would be the property of the military and nothing could be done. They tried to get the Funeral Director to open the casket right there. They were insistent but to no avail the Director said it was illegal to do that. They said the only way they could open the casket would be back at the funeral home.

Back to the funeral home we went. I can not imagine what was going on in the heads of the funeral home employees and director as we headed back. Once back at the funeral home they took the casket into a back room where they would allow only Vernon's mother and Greg to enter. All was silent outside the room waiting for this to end so that we could take Vernon to his final resting place. Moments later we hear arguing, the Funeral Director didn't want to open the casket. I understand that Greg pushed him out of the way and opened the casket. The next sounds was the scream and wailing of Vernon's mother.

The funeral home had not touched Vernon's nude body that still lay in the sheets from the hospital bed stuffed in a body bag! The Police were called and so was the news. An hour later only the Police had arrived. There was no news to report this travesty.

The task of finding another funeral home as you can guess was difficult. One was however found and this time there was no service. Just the burial. Vernon was buried in his Armani Suit, shoes, shirt and tie this time. He was put to rest finally with dignity.

I'm very thankful to have had Vernon as a friend.

Times were very different. I'm also, thankful that those living with AIDS are no longer dying as quickly as they were in the past.

This was a true story...I'm hopeful with these changing times that we will have much more to be thankful for.

I was moved

I know that everyone that comes to my blog is a reader. You might not read in the traditional way of picking up a book from the library, bookstore or ordering one online, but you are ravenous readers all the same. Your choice might be to read from the Internet. If that is the case ebooks are a great opportunity for you.

In my D Brothas in Bizness 4 Themselves (located just below my followers that I really appreciate on this blog) a friend of mine Chuma has a publishing company and he also writes himself. He asked me to check out the excerpt from his latest book which I did without question. The title of the book is "My Ancestors Traveled Them Home" for the small cost of $5.99 to be read on your computer or to be printed if you prefer to feel the pages. You can also read an excerpt before purchasing it by clicking on Chuma's eBooks. I purchased the book and read it in it's entirety in a very short period of time.

After reading it I sent Chuma the email below. If my response intrigues you support him by reading it as well:

Chuma,

I can't believe I sat here and read the whole thing 1st of all. Your book was one of the most beautiful and heartfelt pieces of work that I have ever read in my entire life!!

I love it and I love you so very much for being able to express your feelings and thoughts so vividly. The experiences you had may not be the same for everyone but they certainly allow the reader to relate and even release some of the pain that they have not been able to resolve before reading your work. I am speaking for others but my self as well.

As I read your book many of the people that I have loved and lost came to mind. Also, the ones that are still here and I love were brought to the forefront of my mind including you of course. I had thoughts of my death and how beautiful it would be if I had someone to eulogize me as beautifully as you did your mother. I have often struggeled attempting to write about the loss of so many family members and friends that I have loved and even though the words still fail me to a certain extent. You helped to give voice to some of my own thoughts.

Your book is a testament to all on why they should love hard and completely.

Thank you so very much for sharing that with me.

Sincerely always loving you while wiping tears from my eyes with the back of my hand.

Your friend forever,
D

Greed

Did you know that in 2007 America spent $161.8 billion dollars on terrorism? 2,000 people have been killed on account of terrorism, 70 of whom were American.

Did you know that heart disease is the number one cause of death in America killing 450,000 people a year. America spends $2.9 billion on research for this disease.

This means we spend 54 times the amount on terrorism than heart disease which causes more deaths.

I believe greed has something to do with this.

I got this information from a dvd that a friend shared with me called The Zeitgeist Movement. There was a lot of other information in this DVD as well that sums up the world as being corrupt. I didn't think that that was such a big revelation in the documentary but how this corruption was achieved might be interesting to some. The documentary also talked about how we can change from a monetary system that caused all of this greed an classism in the first place.

It also talked of changing to a resource based society. Check out The Venus Project to see how they believe we can accomplish that if your interested.

Muscle Relaxers

I was looking around youtube and this clip reminded me of when I had a dental procedure where they were going to have to put me to sleep. So the doctor gave me a pill to take 2 hours before my appointment. On my way to the appointment the pill kicked in. Man oh man oh man. I felt like I was in utopia and everything around me was absolutely gorgeous and I didn't have a worry in the world. Needless to say the Doctor wouldn't tell me what the pill was the bastard. Hee Hee but it's probably best he didn't cuz I was feeling hella good!

Enjoy a good laugh on me.

HAPPY NEW YEAR

Happy New Year Everyone!


This Lion wishes you a prosperous and fierce 2009.


















Bring in the new year with the innocence and curiosity of a baby! Free of hangups and open to possibilities and prosperity! Wishing you all the best!

The Result

The results of my little situation on Christmas night was less than I anticipated after staying up really late thinking about how I would talk to my missing friend. I'll call him BuckBuck.

The next day BuckBuck called me to apologize. I couldn't talk at the time because I was on my way out with my parents and didn't want their day to be filled with any concern as I spoke to him. So I told him that we would talk later. He wanted me to accept his apology right then but me being me was not going to do that until I said what I stayed up all night thinking about. I told him that we were ok and we'd talk and not to worry. He did sound like he was remiss.

I sent him a text message while I was out.
Me: I will see you later right?

BuckBuck: No

Me: Why Not? You have called me for weeks to ensure that I came down here for xmas, you better see me.

BuckBuck: Ok

Me: I mean it!

BuckBuck: Ok

That was the last response I got from BuckBuck and I didn't see him while I was in my parents town. So I assume that he decided to remain in misery with little care for whether he ruined our friendship or not. In my mind he had not but I wanted to get some things straight with him if we were to continue as friends. Now I won't worry about this anymore.

I'm blessed to have friends that do really care about me and my feelings. So one from the past that I hadn't been in much contact with anyway will not matter in the big picture of my life. I know who cares about me and I know who trapses through my life only for a glance. I'm a grown man and It's unfortunate that everyone that comes in our paths is not grown.

So I'll continue being happy with those that care about me and blessed because they do. I wish him all the best but I don't have the time to worry about what I can't do anything about. In my life I've had to move on from so many people that one more that only has spent brief moments in the span of my life in so many years will not be hard to get past.

The rest of my holidays will be happy and I hope yours too. For those of you who commented on my last post...thank you for your encouragement.

Not Like I Imagined

I'm going to see two friends of mine tomorrow that I went to Junior High and High School with. One of the friends I've stayed in contact with over the years even though we live in different cities. The other we hadn't see since graduation until our last class reunion. I've spoke to the missing friend a couple of times on the phone since our reunion. Tomorrow I'll see the both of them again. We had a 3 way phone call earlier this evening. Our out of touch friend was obviously drunk on the phone. And said somethings that neither my constant friend or I appreciated. When we see each other tomorrow I'm going to need to take a breath before speaking. Had I not been at my parents house and they in earshot I'm sure I would have called him everything but a child of God at the audacity of his drunken comments. I know I'm babbling right now but my typing this is helping me to think about how I'm going to handle this situation tomorrow.

Strange this is the only post that I have with no picture of any kind. I just can't imagine right now how this is going to play out or how I'm going to feel at the end of it all. I just know that the way I'm feeling right now is not how I imagined I would feel on Christmas day. I need to kick his ass just for that!

Happy Holidays!!

It's Christmas Eve and this is the time of year when people always make changes in their lives. Or at least when they decide that they need to make some changes.

I don't promise that I'll make any changes. I just do my best to be a better me. So this year I wish all that wander upon my blogspot a wonderful holiday season and all the blessesings, happiness, and success that you can handle!!

Envision your future as you want to see it and make love a priority!

Nervous

I haven't talked about this because I guess for some reason it just didn't feel real to me. I've had very minimal feelings about it which I think is strange. Sometimes I feel a tinge of excitement and other times it just feels like a story that I'm reading. I'm unsure of what to expect. I've been trying to read things online but the things that I've read have only made added to my nervousness.

Ya see, next year I'm going to Ghana. I'm a little excited about it today because I just found out that instead of flying coach as we originally thought, we'll be flying business class. So right now I'm most excited to know that I'll be comfortable on this 18hour flight to Acra, Ghana.

I'll be going to Ghana with some co-workers on a special project that our company is taking part in for the 1st time ever. My company in the U.S. is joining up with our company in the UK and in Ghana to build houses in the Ashanti Region of Ghana. Now anyone that knows me is probably thinking. You build houses???...well yeah me! LOL. I'm all for paying to get things done right and quickly rather than doing it myself and be unsure of the final results. However, I don't mind getting my hands dirty and love the feeling of accomplisment when my efforts are something that will be useful for someone else. So that's what I'm going to do.

I'm actually the U.S. Team Leader in this 1st endeaver. What I'm a little nervous about is not the work but moreso how I will be perceived. After searching the internet for Gay Ghana all I found were negative articles sighting that homosexuality is illegal and Police and inhabitants of Ghana sometimes beat or kill those who they think may be gay for purely stereotypical reasons. Now I'm by no means flamboyantly gay but I'm also not the stereotypical macho man either. So this is where my concerns come in as the customs in this country are quite different from our own in the States.

An example of that is: we are required to meet the King of the villiage to gain his approval to build for his villiagers. What this process is right now I don't know. I'm sure I'll find out before we go but it still makes me nervous. Will I be asked if I am married and have children and if not why not? You know the questions that your family may wonder about but never say anything.

While I'm excited about the opportunity to do some good for people in Africa and having the opportunity to do some sightseeing there for free for 2 weeks. I'm still a little apprehensive about what I might encounter. I will however, make sure that I understand the customs of this country so that I do not offend anyone while visiting.

I am excited about this opportunity also because my mother company was happy that employees came up with this project,, are backing us financially and they'd like to do something like this world-wide on a regular basis in the future. If this project is successful I'm going to try to create a new job out of it. Maybe I'll be the Director of International Charitable Affairs or something..LOL What I do know is that if I'm able to create this position I'll be able to see the world for free!

Has anyone been to Ghana and can give me some advice?

What Kinda...

I don't know who this baby is or who it belongs to. Just thought it was cute and needed something to go along with my post. LOL

So I was stuck at home pretty much all weekend doing this month-end ritual that I've been assigned for work. It's horrid I tell you absolutley horrid. I think my manger put me on it so that I can be frustrated with the process and get it fixed. It's the most tedius thing I've ever had to do in my life and takes like 6 hours to do each day. I was thinking I can't wait til she goes out on maternity leave! I'll try to get some of those off-shore guys to do this crap.

Anyway, so I'm doing this process and I get an email response from her. Ok, no big deal. I just thought damn this woman is pregnant and due any day now and her ass is working on a Sunday afternoon. Her ass needs to sit down somewhere and rest.

30 mins later I get another email from her. This time she's sending out an annoucement that she had her baby on Thanksgiving day. I was like what the hell is wrong with her ass. She just had the baby 10 mins ago and she's already online responding to emails and I'm sure doing other work. Well at least we won't have to deal with her for a few more weeks. Knowing her she won't take the entire maternity leave...just like she didn't when she had her 3yo. I can't wait til this new baby is a terrible 2yo and the other is 5yo. Maybe then her ass will calm down a little cuz she'll be so damn tired from running around with the kids then everybody else will have a little peace.

I'm laughing to myself because this post is like a Look at this Nigger type post. LOL

You Just Don't Know

I don't know if it's the season or what...but I have been feeling soooo thankful these days. I'm not going to question it I'm just going to keep on thanking him as much as possible. Something good is about to happen I can feel it coming.

I Can't Believe...

You know I wish I had listened to Ledisi's song Thank You from her Christmas CD before writing my last post because I would have added it to that post.

This song speaks to me and to the reason why I made my last post. I'm very thankful for my experiences and mostly thankful to God for keeping me safe and loved even when I don't realize that I am. The link below is just a short clip of the song. Oh yeah, I'm really really feeling Ledisi's Christmas CD but then again...I like everything she does!!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE!!!

http://site.soulmusicstore.com/media/12-ThankYou_1.mp3

Thank you

I'm having a quiet evening listening to Sarah Vaughan and reading blogs. One blog( lmross-moanerplicities ) got me to thinking about people in my life. His Blog was thanking people who had saved his life. Some of my friends have passed away who gave me life and some are still here but I don't often get to see them or talk to them. I just want to thank those that are gone and the ones still here for being in my life and helping me to become who I am today. It's important to thank your friends and tell them that you love them. I think I'm going to call those that I haven't seen in a long time tomorrow. I miss them!!

Friends that have gone to live with God:

2 Michael's, 2 Kevin's, 2 Greg's, Vernon, Rhonda, Ronnie, Marcus, Clifford, Pierre, Papoose, Tony, Juanita, Reggie, Dorothy, Ernest, 2 Joey's, Al, Vincent, Eleanor, Audrey, Sidney, Iona, Steve, Chris, Claude, Michaelangelo, Shawn...I had to stop listing these names it was making me sad. There are plenty more though and I'm thinking about them as well.

Friends that I haven't seen in a long time:

Ari, Terry, Kevin, Fidel, William, Monte, Doug, Mitch, Antonio, Allan, Alain, 2 Demetrius', Steven, Lorna, Denice, Janice, Foster, Will, 3 Charles', Albert, Alex, 3 Ron's, Terrance, 2 Marlon's, Henry, Ron, 2 Keith's, Roderick, Troy, Michael, 2 Donald's, Reggie, Earl, Allen, Cliff, Daniel, Sabrina, 2 Tony's, 2 Mark's, Ricky, Tanya, Hank, Dorn, Jack, Victor, Danielle, Jessica, Dwayne, James, Kitty, Harold. Erroll. Lee, Darryl, Eric, Patrick, Ray, Tim, Marcus, Marva, Jamal, 2 Brian's, Maurice, Michelle, Jerry, Tracey, 2 Melvins, Wayne, Orson, Eddie, Kenny....Getting sad again so I'm stopping.