FINDING AND KEEPING A LIFE PARTNER

Golden rules for finding your life partner 

 
 When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, no one wants to make a mistake. Yet, with a divorce rate of close to 50%,  it appears that many are making serious mistakes in their approach to
 finding Mr./Miss. Right! 
 If you ask most couples who are engaged why they're getting married, they'll say: "We're in love"; I believe this is the #1 mistake people make when they date. Choosing a life partner should never be based on love.

 Though this may sound "not politically correct", there' s a profound truth here. Love is not the basis for getting married. Rather, love is the result of a good marriage. When the other ingredients are right, then 
the love will com e. Let me say it again:

 "You can't build a lifetime relationship on love alone"; You need a lot more!!!

 Here are five questions you must ask yourself if you're serious about finding and keeping a life partner.

 QUESTION ..1: Do we share a common life purpose?

 Why is this so important? Let me put it this way: If you're married for 20 or 30 years, that's a long time to live with someone. What do you plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat and jog together? You 
need to share something deeper and more meaningful. You need a common life purpose.

 Two things can happen in a marriage:

 (1) You can grow together, or
 (2) You can grow apart.

 50% of the people out there are growing apart. To make a marriage work, you need to know what t you want out of life! Bottom line; and marry someone who wants the same thing.

 QUESTION ..2: Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with this person?

 This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship.
 Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The basis of having good communication is trust - i.e. trust that I won't get "punished" ; or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings. A colleague's of mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings. Be honest with yourself on this one. Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person you plan to marry.

 QUESTION..3: Is he/she a mensch?

 A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person. How can you test? Here are some suggestions.
 Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis?
 Are they serious about improving themselves?
 A teacher of mine defines a good person as "someone who is always striving to be good and do the right ";.So ask about your Significant other What do they do with their time? Is this person materialistic?
 Usually a materialistic person is not someone whose top priority is character refinement.

 There are essentially two types of people in the world:
 (1) People who are dedicated to personal growth and
 (2) People who are dedicated to seeking comfort.
 Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing.
 You need to know that before walking down the aisle.

 QUESTION..4: How does he/she treat other people?

 The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is the ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give another person pleasure.  Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they
 wrapped up in themselves and self-absorbed? To measure this, think about the following:

 How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as waiters, bus boys, taxi drivers, etc. ..
 How do they treat their parents and siblings?
 Do they have gratitude and appreciation? If they don't have gratitude for the people who have given them everything;
 Can you do nearly as much for them? You can be sure that someone who treats others poorly, will eventually treat you poorly as well.





 QUESTION ..5: Is there anything I'm hoping to change about this person after we're married?

 Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of trying to "improve"; them after they're married. As a colleague of mine puts it: "You can probably expect someone to change after marriage for the  worse" If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now, then  you are not ready to marry them.

 In conclusion, dating doesn't have to be difficult and treacherous.  The key is to try leading a little more with your head and less with your heart.

 It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating; to be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues. Falling in love is a great feeling, but when you wake up with a ring on your finger, 
You don't want to find yourself in trouble because you didn't do your homework.

 Another perspective. ....

 There are some people in your life that need to be loved from a distance....

 It's amazing what you can accomplish when you let go of or at least minimize your time with draining, negative, incompatible, not-going anywhere relationships. 
Observe the relationships around you.
 Pay attention... . 
 Which ones lift and which ones lean? Which ones encourage and which ones discourage? Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are going downhill? When you leave certain people do you feel better or feel worse? Which ones always have drama or don't really understand, know, or appreciate you?

 The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind, love and truth around you...the easier it will become for you to decide who gets to sit in the front row and who should be moved to the balcony of your life.

 An African proverb states, "Before you get married, keep both eyes open, and after you marry, close one eye"; Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, don't let lust, pity, desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a low self-esteem make you blind to warning signs. Keep your eyes open, and don't fool yourself that you can change someone or that what you see as faults aren't really that important.

 Do you bring out the best in each other?
 Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete, compare and control?
 What do you bring to the relationship?
 Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain?

 You can't take someone to the altar to alter them.
 You can't make someone love you or make someone stay.

 If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and "a life"; you won't find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness or responsible for your pain. Seeking status, sex, and security are the wrong reasons to be in a relationship.

 WHAT KEEPS A RELATIONSHIP STRONG ARE:
 1. TRUST
 2. COMMUNICATION
 3. INTIMACY
 4. A SENSE OF HUMOR
 5. SHARING TASKS
 6. SOME GETAWAY TIME WITHOUT BUSINESS OR CHILDREN
 7. DAILY EXCHANGES (meal, shared activity, hug, call, touch, notes,
 8. SHARING COMMON GOALS AND INTERESTS
 9. GIVING EACH OTHER SPACE TO GROW WITHOUT FEELING INSECURE
 10. GIVING EACH OTHER A SENSE OF BELONGING AND ASSURANCES OF COMMITMENT

RIP Whitney Elizabeth Houston.

As I listen to this song from Whitney, I find it quite eerie.

My Love is on TOP!

Baby it's you!

Ten Guidelines From God

My previous post was written out of pure frustration.  God works in mysterious ways.  Earlier this evening I was thinking about my Friend/Nephew, Marlon who passed away and found an old email that he sent me  titled Guidelines from God.  Normally I usually delete these chain like emails but for some reason I kept this.  I know I never read it before today but for some reason I kept it.  I'm glad that I did.  This email has changed the way that I was feeling.  I hope that if you are feeling down it does the same for you.  

Thank you Marlon, I miss and love you.

Ten Guidelines From God

Effective Immediately,

please be aware that there are changes YOU need

to make in YOUR life. These changes need to be

completed in order that I may fulfill My promises

to you to grant you peace, joy and happiness in

this life. I apologize for any inconvenience,

but after all that I am doing, this seems very

little to ask of you. Please, follow

these 10 guidelines

1. QUIT WORRYING: Life has dealt you a blow and all you do is sit and worry. Have you forgotten that I am here to take all your burdens and carry them for you? Or do you just enjoy fretting over every little thing that comes your way?  2. PUT IT ON THE LIST: Something needs done or taken care of. Put it on the list. No, not YOUR list. Put it on MY to-do-list. Let ME be the one to take care of the problem.. I can't help you until you turn it over to Me. And although My to-do-list is long, I am after all... God. I can take care of anything you put into My hands. In fact, if the truth were ever really known, I take care of a lot of things for you that you never even realize.  3. TRUST ME: Once you've given your burdens to Me, quit trying to take them back. Trust in Me. Have the faith that I will take care of all your needs, your problems and your trials. Problems with the kids? Put them on My list. Problem with finances? Put it on My list. Problems with your emotional roller coaster? For My sake, put it on My list. I want to help you. All you have to do is ask.  4. LEAVE IT ALONE: Don't wake up one morning and say, "Well, I'm feeling much stronger now, I think I can handle it from here." Why do you think you are feeling stronger now? It's simple. You gave Me your burdens and I'm taking care of them. I also renew your strength and cover you in my peace. Don't you know that if I give you these problems back, you will be right back where you started? Leave them with Me and forget about them. Just let Me do my job.  5. TALK TO ME: I want you to forget a lot of things... Forget what was making you crazy. Forget the worry and the fretting because you know I'm in control. But there's one thing I pray you never forget. Please, don't forget to talk to Me - OFTEN! I love YOU! I want to hear your voice. I want you to include Me in on the things going on in your life. I want to hear you talk about your friends and family. Prayer is simply you having a conversation with Me. I want to be your dearest friend..  6. HAVE FAITH: I see a lot of things from up here that you can't see from where you are. Have faith in Me that I know what I'm doing. Trust Me; you wouldn't want the view from My eyes. I will continue to care for you, watch over you, and meet your needs. You only have to trust Me. Although I have a much bigger task than you, it seems as if you have so much trouble just doing your simple part. How hard can trust be?  7. SHARE: You were taught to share when you were only two years old. When did you forget? That rule still applies. Share with those who are less fortunate than you. Share your joy with those who need encouragement. Share your laughter with those who haven't heard any in such a long time. Share your tears with those who have forgotten how to cry. Share your faith with those who have none.  8. BE PATIENT: I managed to fix it so in just one lifetime you could have so many diverse experiences. You grow from a child to an adult, have children, change jobs many times, learn many trades, travel to so many places, meet thousands of people, and experience so much. How can you be so impatient then when it takes Me a little longer than you expect to handle something on My to-do-list? Trust in My timing, for My timing is perfect. Just because I created the entire universe in only six days, everyone thinks I should always rush, rush, rush.  9. BE KIND : Be kind to others, for I love them just as much as I love you. They may not dress like you, or talk like you, or live the same way you do, but I still love you all. Please try to get along, for My sake. I created each of you different in some way. It would be too boring if you were all identical. Please, know I love each of your differences.  10.. LOVE YOURSELF: As much as I love you, how can you not love yourself? You were created by me for one reason only -- to be loved, and to love in return. I am a God of Love. Love Me. Love your neighbors. But also love yourself. It makes My heart ache when I see you so angry with yourself when things go wrong. You are very precious to me. Don't ever forget......

Lord I'm Tired

I am so tired mentally.  I'm feeling like I'm falling into a bit of depression and all because of a work environment that is sucking the life out of me.

People always tell you that when you don't like your job anymore to find out what you are passionate about.  I understand that statement but at the same time it is overwhelming.  I can be passionate about something but the overwhelming part is that that is not what I'm currently doing.  Hence, to start doing that thing will mean a big change to your lifestyle.  Usually, because when starting something new you won't get the same type of money that you are currently getting in your job.

Maybe it wouldn't be so overwhelming if I had a safety net.  Family or someone I could move in with while changing a career.  But who wants to put that burden on someone.  I'm used to having my space and I know everyone else does too.  How can you do such a thing and not know how long it might take for your passion-filled new career to take off.

I know that what I am going to have to do is figure out what I want to do with my life.  Unfortunately, I think it's going to be a drastic change.

I wonder if I'm the only one that feels this way?  Do Black men feel like they are asked to adhere to a different standard than their co-workers?  Do you feel like co-workers can talk to you in a particular manner that may not be the most polite...but if you do it then you are told that you are an angry person.  Do you feel like you are given duties that you're co-workers aren't and without the benefit of clear instruction or resources?

I know I do.  The challenge is making a change to something where I won't feel these things.  A challenge because of the invested time I've spent in a company that holds a pension for me, 401k and the benefits of being a long term employee.  Companies have created flat organizations these days.  All this means is that there aren't as many positions or levels to move through and if you do change positions then we don't have to fit you into a salary grade because basically all jobs have the she title.  Therefore, you garner little additional money and are systematically moving laterally within the company.

I know I'm ranting without telling all the details of my current situation...but ya see.  I' just tired.  Tired of fighting for what's right, tired of fighting co-workers who are trying to compete with me and I don't want to compete.  Tired of talking about it, tired of my love having to see me looking as if something heavy is on my mind that he can't do anything about.

So I say Lord I'm Tired.  Please help me get through this and shed light on my passion and let happiness rule my life.

Happy Holidays

Happy Holidays Blog world from D-Place.  Turn the world upside down in the new year!

Art Show

I had my 1st Art Exhibit last weekend.  There was a lot of working leading up to the event that I surprisingly remained calm throughout.  I showed approximately 50 pieces.

Just like during an outside wedding it was pouring raining!!  For a minute there I thought not very many people would attend.  A lot that were invited didn't attend.  However, approximately 70 people showed up and the event was a success.  I answered lots of questions about my work, how it was created, what my inspiration was etc.  People even wanted to buy some of the pieces.  I just wasn't prepared for that. I just wanted people that didn't know to see another side of me.  And for me to see what people thought of my work.

Well a lot they liked.  Of course in situations like that you won't hear negative comments unless something just went terribly wrong with catering or something of that nature.  All that was in tact.  It's wasn't my 1st time throwing a party so I knew what to do as far as that goes.

Now the question is what do I do with the work I produced.  There was definite  interest.  A few times in the same piece.  How do artist handle that?  I have no mentors in this field to go to find out the best way to handle such situations.  So again, I'm on my own to figure it out.  And that I WILL DO!

I think what I'm going to do is to create an auction website.  Several people wanted the Original of the same pieces.  I think when you're a new artist selling your work people tend to want to take advantage of you.  So they hope that you are going to see your work at a low price.  Pricing in itself is a difficult thing to gauge that makes me very uncomfortable.  Another thing I'll just have to get over!  I figured an auction would take some of the pressure off of me and allow bidders to determine how much they really want something, not without considering the minimum price I'd be willing to let things go for.  I still want to make sure it's classy so I won't be doing this on eBaby or anything like that.

That's the other thing...letting go.  I'm so used to painting things and they then become my babies so to speak.  How can I let them go.  Well I practiced by giving a couple of things away.  However, now I have so many in the house that I just can't keep all of them.

Next step, get giclee's, lithographs or something made so I can at least have one for myself of each one then I think I'll be able to let the originals go.

Does anybody out there have any advice on any of the things I rambled about above.  Pricing, Auction sites anything...LOL  I hate this business part of  creating art.  sigh.

Happy, Safe, Weird and Grateful

I've been dating someone.  Things have been progressing organically well.  Organic..he brought that word into our discussion about  our current state.

I feel happy, safe, weird and grateful.

Happy because this brotha makes me smile!
Safe - Why is that even an issue for me at the age that I am right now but that's the word that came out of my head.  I feel like he's trustworthy.
Weird because I've never dated anyone except for my 1st that I didn't use any qualifiers to describe them.  You know...I like him but he just got laid off, he's nice to me but his mother is his best friend and takes up a lot of his time...etc...you get the gist.
Grateful that he is thoughtful and thinks about me and lets me know it even when he's not around.

I have a saying that I always use...Enjoy the moment...Well right now I am not only enjoying the moments I am looking forward and anticipating the moments with him.

Things are easy with him.  I must say I put into the universe awhile ago that I wanted to be with someone that it would be easy to get to know.  From our 1st date the conversation flowed for 4 hours when I think we both thought it might be an hour drink at a local bar.

This is different for me and I'm relishing in it.  Speak into existence what it is you really want and it shall be yours.

It's scary writing things like this because my old self would say, now watch this end in a few more weeks. Throwing that negativity away cuz this feels real.  I'm not naive by any stretch of the word and I am paying attention to the things he says and does.  They all match!  No question that I've asked has he not answered straightfowardly. No flags of doubt have surfaced.  This feels good.

Facebook Joke

Father:  Son I added you as a friend on Facebook.

Son:  (rolls his eyes while father's not looking) WTF!!

Father:  What does that mean???

Son:  Welcome to Facebook!

The Help

If you haven't read the book The Help, you should. It's funny, sad and distrubing. I read the book about 1 1/2 years ago and now as I'm sure you know its a movie. Just saw it today. I really enjoyed it. There were a lot of scenes left out of the book. However, if they had been left in the movie I think it would have been a looooooooooooong movie.

Anyway enjoy it!

Lemme Tell You This Nurse Joke

Nurses aren't supposed to laugh...

"Of course I won't laugh," said the nurse.

"I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient."

"Okay then," said Bob, and he proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the smallest male part the nurse had ever seen. In length and width was almost identical to a AA battery.

Unable to control herself, the nurse tried to stop a giggle, but it just came out. Then she started laughing at the fact that she was laughing.

Feeling very badly that she had laughed at the man's part, she composed herself as well as she could.

"I'm so sorry," she said..."I don't know what came over me. On my honor as a nurse and a lady, I promise that won't happen again. Now tell me, what seems to be the problem?"

"It's swollen," Bob replied.

She ran out of the room.

Aretha & Wendy

I must say that Wendy Williams is really doing it up! I loved the interview she did with Aretha. It was real unlike most interviewers who have this attitude that they are better than the person they're interviewing and have more insight into the world than the person their talking to. As if anyone has any real insight to the world at all. You just gotta live it the best way you know how.

Anyway, Kudos to Wendy Williams on a great interview!

What you gonna do?

Are you in a relationship where you questioned something? Was it something that he said, did, didn't say or doesn't do?

Did you ask what was going on with him?

Did he answer?

Now what you gonna do?

A Great Deal for the Holidays

If you haven't heard about Groupon then you are missing out on having a good time at half the price (in most cases). What they do is offer deals in your city and others for Restaurants, Shopping, Trips, you name it. I have probably used about 7 of these Groupon coupons.

Keeping with the season I'm sharing with you all.

Click on the link above or the picture to either go to a new restaurant, get a massage or get your car detailed! Every city offers different deals...check out the deals in your city and have some fun this season.

Enjoy the holidays!

Colored

I am old enough to remember when people referred to each other as colored. It's funny how it didn't mean very much back then and Black people weren't offended by it. I also, remember when being called colored was not a good thing, and Negro was the thing to be called. Then came Afro-American, Black and African-American. Our name changes signified change in our psyche.

No matter what we've been called we've suffered. Men and Women.

I saw the movie For Colored Girls today. If you've never read the book of poetry you should so that you hear it in your own voice and let it give you a vision of what the women in the poetry are feeling. When the book For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide When the Rainbow is Enuf was 1st published it was a voice for women who were in plain sight abused. I think if not for this voice Black women might see themselves differently than they do today. At least in their minds, if not in reality. In the past performances of this work the women do not interact. Personally I thought it was good to have them be connected in similar vein as the movie Crash.

Some reviewers will have you to believe that the story is dated and that some of the directorial choices are trite. See for yourselves and don't let others who have no reference whatsoever of some Black women's past that still exists but now covertly with subtle nuances that manage to hide the voices of Black women dealing with pain once again.

One might say that the poem and the movie paint a picture of Black men that we'd like to keep hidden not unlike our dirty laundry when company comes to visit. However, the images may offend and seem dramatic but in my opinion resonate a sickness that exists even today.

The performances in the movie were stellar. See for yourself before following a reviewer with probably no point of reference or color.

What can we do?

I know that there has been a lot of media coverage about teen bullying and suicide. However, there seems to be a lot of talk about it but I don't really see anything being done to prevent it. This horrible trend is increasing rather than decreasing.

I had written a post about a young black man that reportedly committed suicide. I have since found out that it was a hoax. On top of all the disturbing things regarding teen suicide people are now playing games about it...disgusting.

Interestingly enough I can not find this article on the LGBTNATION's website anylonger. Maybe it's true that this article was false or a hoax. However, my comments related to this subject still stand, whether Terrell is a real victim or not.

Every channel has coverage about this trend, it's sensational, is appalling, it's heinous. Talking to parents about it doesn't seem to be the answer as I see it. Oprah asking parents to pay attention to their kids is not working either. Somehow these kids need to feel empowered to take action and protect themselves without fear of retribution.

Think

Speak

Act

Woody

The new "Woody" winner of a West African Bodybuilding contest. I'm sure they didn't mean the same thing as we do here in the states when they came up with the name of this contest. However, I'm sure there is a lot of "wood" to see at these contests. LOL

Divas Simply Singing 2010

I attended Diva's Simply Singing again this year. For the life of me I don't know why this show is not on television. Then again maybe I do...that doesn't make it right though. View the youtube video below of little Harmony interviewing some of the Divas prior to the event. You'll also have the opportunity to listen to snippets of their performances. Some of my favorite Divas performed this year...Ledisi, Kelly Price, Chaka Khan, Shanice & her mother, Jodi Watley, Teena Marie & her daughter who performed (yes she can sang!), Debra Cox and more.

Enjoy!

So Glad It's Friday

Y'all! I'm glad it's Friday. Enjoy your weekend.

Happy Birthday Leo's!!

This is gonna be a good year for Leo's! Last year had some adventures but this year will be major! Hee hee Is that wishful thinking??