Reality Show

I am not mad.  I am not bitter. I am rejuvenated.

Living in reality you just know that sometimes it doesn't always last.  Living in reality you know that you played a part.  Living in reality you know that they weren't the right person for you.

He was a good man, for a while.  He saw himself bigger than what the Reality Show displayed.  He misunderstood who you were.  You thought you knew who he was.  You agreed in silence to the lies. He was never interested in your truth only wanted to hear himself.  He had nothing to say.

He wasn't a grown man, he was a disillusioned man looking for someone less them he.  Well, I guess he found it for the moment...that is until they see as well.

Blackbird

Blackbird

I saw it today.  1st I'll say it was a good movie.  Pretty well acted and believable if you are familiar with people that were raised in the way that the young man Randy was in the film.

He had a mother with very strict religious beliefs and they attended a church that also had old and detrimental beliefs that cause confusion and heartache.

Now all I really want to say regarding the movie and anyone that knows me would not be surprised with what I'm about to say.

I'm absolutely sick and tired of movies about Black people where a white person comes in and makes everything better for the main character.  Not sure why the choice in this movie was for the young Randy to become involved with the sort of corny trying to be worldly and cool white Kevin.

There as you can see in the picture above there were 2 other very qualified cast members that could have played the one to deflower Randy.  I'm really not giving anything away in the movie you'll know this is coming the moment Kevin steps on the scene..very predictable...even though I hoped for a twist.  sigh didn't happen.

Anyway, enjoy the story of this movie ...till next time when I have something to say. :-)

that's all i can say

I know I haven't blogged in awhile.  But right now this is all I can think to do.  I need to express this.

I went to a young couple's wedding last weekend.  I know we've all been to many.  However, this wedding was very special.  The young bride was pregnant and the young groom so proud and honored to be marrying his best friend.  You see this couple have known each other since they were children.  They lived right next door to each other all while they grew up and grew in love with each other.

I must say that this was one of the best weddings that I have been to in a while.  There was such love all around.  Everyone was filled with joy.  I know it sounds corny to say but I was actually experiencing joy all around me.  Then the dancing started and the floor was filled with everyone just simply having a great time with family, friends, and new acquaintances.  It was really a special wedding.

As we were leaving the reception the young bride was seated with her feet up and her mother, mother-in-law and close girlfriends surrounding her rubbing her feet and making her feel comfortable.  The wedding and excitement must have been stressful on her body.

Fast forward to today.  I get a text message telling me to pray for the couple as she is in the hospital with a condition called Non-Immune Hydrops Fetalis (sort of like a fetal heart attack).  The mortality rate is 60-90%.  It's a rare condition that occurs in 1-2000 births.

40 minutes later another text that the baby no longer has a heartbeat.  The mother's health is in danger.  The baby will be aborted and the doctors will be working on the mother.

I am praying for a positive outcome for the mother.  My thoughts  and prayers are with this young couple and their families.

I just don't know what to say right now…I don't know what I'll say later…What does this mean?  The outpouring of love that will be bestowed upon this couple will be enormous.  I do hope that they will recover from this tragedy mentally healthy from the healing of all of our love.

that's all i can say

FINDING AND KEEPING A LIFE PARTNER

Golden rules for finding your life partner 

 
 When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, no one wants to make a mistake. Yet, with a divorce rate of close to 50%,  it appears that many are making serious mistakes in their approach to
 finding Mr./Miss. Right! 
 If you ask most couples who are engaged why they're getting married, they'll say: "We're in love"; I believe this is the #1 mistake people make when they date. Choosing a life partner should never be based on love.

 Though this may sound "not politically correct", there' s a profound truth here. Love is not the basis for getting married. Rather, love is the result of a good marriage. When the other ingredients are right, then 
the love will com e. Let me say it again:

 "You can't build a lifetime relationship on love alone"; You need a lot more!!!

 Here are five questions you must ask yourself if you're serious about finding and keeping a life partner.

 QUESTION ..1: Do we share a common life purpose?

 Why is this so important? Let me put it this way: If you're married for 20 or 30 years, that's a long time to live with someone. What do you plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat and jog together? You 
need to share something deeper and more meaningful. You need a common life purpose.

 Two things can happen in a marriage:

 (1) You can grow together, or
 (2) You can grow apart.

 50% of the people out there are growing apart. To make a marriage work, you need to know what t you want out of life! Bottom line; and marry someone who wants the same thing.

 QUESTION ..2: Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with this person?

 This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship.
 Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The basis of having good communication is trust - i.e. trust that I won't get "punished" ; or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings. A colleague's of mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings. Be honest with yourself on this one. Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person you plan to marry.

 QUESTION..3: Is he/she a mensch?

 A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person. How can you test? Here are some suggestions.
 Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis?
 Are they serious about improving themselves?
 A teacher of mine defines a good person as "someone who is always striving to be good and do the right ";.So ask about your Significant other What do they do with their time? Is this person materialistic?
 Usually a materialistic person is not someone whose top priority is character refinement.

 There are essentially two types of people in the world:
 (1) People who are dedicated to personal growth and
 (2) People who are dedicated to seeking comfort.
 Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing.
 You need to know that before walking down the aisle.

 QUESTION..4: How does he/she treat other people?

 The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is the ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give another person pleasure.  Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they
 wrapped up in themselves and self-absorbed? To measure this, think about the following:

 How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as waiters, bus boys, taxi drivers, etc. ..
 How do they treat their parents and siblings?
 Do they have gratitude and appreciation? If they don't have gratitude for the people who have given them everything;
 Can you do nearly as much for them? You can be sure that someone who treats others poorly, will eventually treat you poorly as well.





 QUESTION ..5: Is there anything I'm hoping to change about this person after we're married?

 Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of trying to "improve"; them after they're married. As a colleague of mine puts it: "You can probably expect someone to change after marriage for the  worse" If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now, then  you are not ready to marry them.

 In conclusion, dating doesn't have to be difficult and treacherous.  The key is to try leading a little more with your head and less with your heart.

 It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating; to be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues. Falling in love is a great feeling, but when you wake up with a ring on your finger, 
You don't want to find yourself in trouble because you didn't do your homework.

 Another perspective. ....

 There are some people in your life that need to be loved from a distance....

 It's amazing what you can accomplish when you let go of or at least minimize your time with draining, negative, incompatible, not-going anywhere relationships. 
Observe the relationships around you.
 Pay attention... . 
 Which ones lift and which ones lean? Which ones encourage and which ones discourage? Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are going downhill? When you leave certain people do you feel better or feel worse? Which ones always have drama or don't really understand, know, or appreciate you?

 The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind, love and truth around you...the easier it will become for you to decide who gets to sit in the front row and who should be moved to the balcony of your life.

 An African proverb states, "Before you get married, keep both eyes open, and after you marry, close one eye"; Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, don't let lust, pity, desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a low self-esteem make you blind to warning signs. Keep your eyes open, and don't fool yourself that you can change someone or that what you see as faults aren't really that important.

 Do you bring out the best in each other?
 Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete, compare and control?
 What do you bring to the relationship?
 Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain?

 You can't take someone to the altar to alter them.
 You can't make someone love you or make someone stay.

 If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and "a life"; you won't find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness or responsible for your pain. Seeking status, sex, and security are the wrong reasons to be in a relationship.

 WHAT KEEPS A RELATIONSHIP STRONG ARE:
 1. TRUST
 2. COMMUNICATION
 3. INTIMACY
 4. A SENSE OF HUMOR
 5. SHARING TASKS
 6. SOME GETAWAY TIME WITHOUT BUSINESS OR CHILDREN
 7. DAILY EXCHANGES (meal, shared activity, hug, call, touch, notes,
 8. SHARING COMMON GOALS AND INTERESTS
 9. GIVING EACH OTHER SPACE TO GROW WITHOUT FEELING INSECURE
 10. GIVING EACH OTHER A SENSE OF BELONGING AND ASSURANCES OF COMMITMENT