Friday, February 22, 2008

What's Your Man Saying?

On Aol today they had an article on Why Men Don't Communicate. This part of the article stuck out to me.

Guys Are More Comfortable With Actions Than Feelings
Rather than talking about how he "feels," often a man would rather express his love by changing her oil, or bringing home a flower, or relinquishing control of the remote.
And when men do talk, they'd prefer to talk about actions rather than emotions. For instance, a lot of guys would choose to express their long-range faith in a relationship by talking about next summer's vacation plans, not by launching into a soliloquy about undying love.
Both conversations can mean the same thing (that he plans on sticking around); he just prefers to say it with plane tickets, rather than poetry. It's one of the reasons men are more comfortable talking at work (the practical universe) than they are at home (the castle that emotion built). But you can bring out his great communicator by making him feel more like he's operating in work mode, even when the topic at hand is your love life. Here's an incredible article,
"The Home Office," that shows how he can use his best office skills for great success at home.

I thought this section of the article was pretty good. Sometimes in person the words just don't come to me because of my day at work or I'm in that mode of just trying to forget all that happened at work and unwind. I think living alone has caused that period to last longer than it probably should. I know sometimes that I can write down how I feel a lot better than I can verbally express it. So I think for men in relationships with men we probably need to pay attention to the things he does a little more than what he says.

As the old saying goes...I can show you better than I can tell you. I guess that fits me to the T. Unless you piss me off then I can find all kinds of words. Even then I still need to take a min to determine how the situation has affected me.

The article ended with this: It's clear that some men are just plain tired of feeling like they're on the witness stand. They're not necessarily hiding anything; many guys simply prefer not to have to relate confusing feelings that they may not even understand themselves.
An age-old tactic can make things better: Back off a little, give him room to operate in a conversation, and he's more likely to open up.

Am I the only one that is like this?

Thursday, February 14, 2008

A Valentine Future

What better way to be in the world but with your Valentine.

An unconventional meeting that surprises you.
Hearing a song that explains your feelings.
Sitting in the movies holding hands.
Waiting in the parking lot for him to arrive.
With all your heart wanting to protect him from harm.
A table for two at a cafe sipping wine.
The smile in his eyes when you say his name.
When he talks you out of the pain from the past.
Having a 3 hour lunch that you don't want to end.

Learning to love again.
Together dashing out of an event that has lulled in excitment.
His head in your lap as he slumbers after a long day.
Moments of silence but knowing he's there.
A soft kiss at the end of an evening.
Feeling his strength when walks in a room.
Knowing all those old love games are through.
Doubling back to make sure he's ok.
Knowing I'll be there.
He checks you when you're wrong.
The small of his back and nape of his neck.
He fearlessly brings you food and vitamins when your not well.
Experiencing the horizon leaning forward offering you space to place new steps of change.
Being the best of friends.
The way your name drips from his lips melodically.
Eliminating the fear driven insecurities.
Planning life together.

A Valentine Future is on it's way.
A Valentine Future to love always.

Happy Valentine's Day!

To all those who read this on Valentine's Day, love as you want to be loved. Open your heart and let them see.

Saturday, February 09, 2008

Black Pain

Our lives begin the day we are silent about things that matter - Martin Luther King, Jr.

I'm gonna start off like this... I'm not one to read all those self-help books. I actually think they're pretty silly and everything that's in them people already know already anyway. However, there has been one idea that I have talked about in the past that I did get the DVD for The Secret. Now I know a lot of people have heard of it and some get it and some don't.

I can completely understand that becasue what the secret doesn't tell you is how to get rid of the negative thoughts that we all have. Simple thoughts like, oh I'm not going to pass this test or I doubt they're going to give me the job, etc. It just tells you not to have those thoughts because that's what you'll get. Which I firmly believe.

I went to a booksigning yesterday that was sponsored by my job at EsoWon Bookstore. All I knew was the title of the book..Black Pain. I take that back I knew it was about depression but that's about it. Didn't even know the author's name. Was just going out as a business obligation sort of.

Anyway, once the Author came in I recognized her as the Author of a book that I read years ago and have tried to make a part of how I deal with people. The Personal Touch. The Author is Terrie M. Williams. Well now after she went through a dibilitating depression she wrote this book that discusses depression. She says that we all have depression and it all comes from something in our lives that we just have not dealt with. Well that's a given. But what she emphasizes is our finding out what these things are and talking about them. I guess I kinda did that with my previous post What's Inside?

Black people don't talk about our pain and this is what she stresses that we need to do. In my mind have have always known that much of our pain and depression stems from slavery. I know some white people might say oh here they go talking about slavery again but it was a pivitol event in our culture, that's shaped not only who we were but who we are today.

Think about this. Did you come from a family that always told you that they loved you? Many of us haven't. It's not that they didn't but more than likely was inherited from Slavery. Slaves couldn't express love freely to their loved as to either try to mask their pain of possibly never seeing a family member again or so that the vindictive master didn't take out his viciousness on our family members.

I haven't started reading Black Pain yet but I plan to...and I think that this book will be a good companion with The Secret in teaching me how to get rid of my Black Pain. Cuz I for one and tired of masking the pain that I have to endure 5 days a week constantly feeling like I have to prove myself to my white counterparts at the workplace whom I always more productive than without recognition.

Are you ready to rid yourself of pain?

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

After The Rain

It has finally stopped raining in LA. Thank God cuz I have a leak from one of my decks and it was causing me much grief. Now the workman are finally getting that together so I'll be ready for the next big rain and not have to fight the water from messing up my floors and everything else.

A while ago I said I was going to take a picture of something each day just to stay creative and to make sure I noticed things that I may not normally. If your a regular reader of my blog you know that didn't happen. LOL

Anyway since it was so clear after the rains I decided to take some pictures. Here's a couple one from my office window and one as I was driving through my neighborhood down to Sunset Blvd on my way to work.

Monday, February 04, 2008

What's Inside?

Black men have been brutalized by the media, family, employers, friends, women and significant others psychologically and physically.
It's no wonder we keep our feelings tucked deep inside.
Only a Black man knows the pain I'm talking about. It's deep in our guts.
Sometimes you just want to scream, but you better not!!
If you do someone will see that pain and they'll be scared and irrationally defend themselves against you.
Black men we have to heal each other.
Can't we trust each other enough to take a look inside?