Tuesday, July 11, 2006
When people would ask me what type of a man I wanted to be in a relationship with I would say. I want a runaway slave. (Maybe I'll explain that in another post. It's not really relevant for this one) Well now I want to be a runaway slave!!
I'm in a dilemma and I haven't been this unsure of my destiny or happiness in years. I'm usually pretty content with my life. Lately that has not been the case. I don't even have anyone to talk to about it that can relate to where I am at this point in time. So I thought I'd post on here and see if anyone had any concrete and intelligent advice for me. That's one thing that I don't ask for often either, advice.
Those that know me never think that I ever have any problems. Or at least if I do have problems they always believe that I can handle them and then just move on. So eventually I do end up handling the situation as I have no other choice or options in most cases.
Anyway I am feeling very unsatisfied with my life here in California. Everything that you hear about California is probably true and there are something's that you may not know. It is very superficial, laidback, expensive and prejudice. I've just about had it up to here with California. It's just so dayum difficult to leave the weather and access to activities.
I've been wondering if the weather and access are things that should be keeping me here. I'm not in a relationship currently so what's holding me back you say? Fear! Fear of the unknown.
Now if I was in my 20s still I would've been gone! However, I am not. So where I need help is with making a decision to move. I have a home that I love made some friends and basically comfortable. I've been at my job a long time and it's difficult to step out into something new when you haven't had to in so many years. How do you wrap your mind around leaving?
For some of you the answer may be easy. Just do it. However, that's too risky for me because it is just me. Do I just not have enough faith in myself? I'm probably answering my own questions as I type. Still it's not giving me the tools to take a step in any direction. Where can I get these tools? Does anybody know? I want to be that runaway slave and get away from these Slave Masters I work for and the mannequins that surround every corner of LA
Where is Harriet Tubman when you need her?????