When people would ask me what type of a man I wanted to be in a relationship with I would say. I want a runaway slave. (Maybe I'll explain that in another post. It's not really relevant for this one) Well now I want to be a runaway slave!!
I'm in a dilemma and I haven't been this unsure of my destiny or happiness in years. I'm usually pretty content with my life. Lately that has not been the case. I don't even have anyone to talk to about it that can relate to where I am at this point in time. So I thought I'd post on here and see if anyone had any concrete and intelligent advice for me. That's one thing that I don't ask for often either, advice.
Those that know me never think that I ever have any problems. Or at least if I do have problems they always believe that I can handle them and then just move on. So eventually I do end up handling the situation as I have no other choice or options in most cases.
Anyway I am feeling very unsatisfied with my life here in California. Everything that you hear about California is probably true and there are something's that you may not know. It is very superficial, laidback, expensive and prejudice. I've just about had it up to here with California. It's just so dayum difficult to leave the weather and access to activities.
I've been wondering if the weather and access are things that should be keeping me here. I'm not in a relationship currently so what's holding me back you say? Fear! Fear of the unknown.
Now if I was in my 20s still I would've been gone! However, I am not. So where I need help is with making a decision to move. I have a home that I love made some friends and basically comfortable. I've been at my job a long time and it's difficult to step out into something new when you haven't had to in so many years. How do you wrap your mind around leaving?
For some of you the answer may be easy. Just do it. However, that's too risky for me because it is just me. Do I just not have enough faith in myself? I'm probably answering my own questions as I type. Still it's not giving me the tools to take a step in any direction. Where can I get these tools? Does anybody know? I want to be that runaway slave and get away from these Slave Masters I work for and the mannequins that surround every corner of LA
Where is Harriet Tubman when you need her?????
6 comments:
Let me share with you my experience of leaving Illinois for Atlanta years ago. I packed my car, filled up my tank, and headed south to be with some man. I got some retail gig...even though I had my Master's in Counseling. I stood on my feet for hours folding sweaters for mininum wage. There were days I couldn't afford to eat or even get to work. That was the hardest time in my life. I learned I had the courage to step out and survive.
Eventually, I came back to Illinois. I learned that you can grow from taking risks. I think had I not stepped out and took that risk I would been a punk and too scared of life. I am looking to relocated again...differently now...job searching etc, etc. You can always go back to California if you don't like where you end up. You have the power to change and learn. You have the power to learn from your mistakes.
How will you know how courageous you are if you don't push forward even with your fear?
Thanks for your comments divinelavender. I have stepped out and taken risks in the past. However, I am not as young as I used to be and am an aging Black Man so the things that I need to be concerned about are things like preparing for my retirement and making sure that I don't put that in jeopardy. After a certain age change is more difficult...and if there is a way to make changes like I would like to more effortless is what I'm lookin gfor.
nothing worth having is effortless. i'm still naive enough to believe that. age has to bare this axiom out, right? how can this life of constant change, speed, access not compel you. the future is change. life is there, man. get it. fear? it's there. california will be there. opportunity and the willingness to learn from it won't... no matter what age... but i'm young, so...
I think everyone expects people to have issues, but those who don't usually ask for advice usually aren't prodded for needing it. It would be like asking Oprah if she needed someone to pay for her dinner or something. ASK FOR MORE ADVICE.
Don't you travel a lot for your job anyways? Would it make a difference if you moved seeing as, it seems to me, they have yopu in different states? Maybe you don't have to move that far to like UTah or Nevada, SOMETHING!!!!!
And yes we'd alll love to have Ms Tubman to guide us, but chile, MS harriet ha dto learn how to guide by herself, she didn't have no help. (At least from what I recollect.... well she did have SOME, but you get me.)
Good luck in finding your North Star.
-Marz
I would tell you to research and weigh out your options. I understand that with age, comes a different set of responsibilities but you owe it to yourself to be happy, whatever the cost. Definitely keep planning for your retirement and the future but making a move may be critical to your situation if it is really on your heart to do so. Believe me, I grew up in Southern California... I know that it fun, beautiful, AND expensive as all get out. There are other beautiful, cost effective places to live. You just have to research your choices. A couple of years ago, I was in the same boat... I was in the military and had to figure out if I was going to stay or go... much like your situation, I was unhappy with where I was and I decided to make a change. In making that change I found that by stepping out and relying on myself and God there was nothing I could not or should not be able to do in this world. Good luck in whatever you decide.
Harriet is right here, baby! I'm coming to take you away!
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