Sunday, January 08, 2012

Lord I'm Tired

I am so tired mentally.  I'm feeling like I'm falling into a bit of depression and all because of a work environment that is sucking the life out of me.

People always tell you that when you don't like your job anymore to find out what you are passionate about.  I understand that statement but at the same time it is overwhelming.  I can be passionate about something but the overwhelming part is that that is not what I'm currently doing.  Hence, to start doing that thing will mean a big change to your lifestyle.  Usually, because when starting something new you won't get the same type of money that you are currently getting in your job.

Maybe it wouldn't be so overwhelming if I had a safety net.  Family or someone I could move in with while changing a career.  But who wants to put that burden on someone.  I'm used to having my space and I know everyone else does too.  How can you do such a thing and not know how long it might take for your passion-filled new career to take off.

I know that what I am going to have to do is figure out what I want to do with my life.  Unfortunately, I think it's going to be a drastic change.

I wonder if I'm the only one that feels this way?  Do Black men feel like they are asked to adhere to a different standard than their co-workers?  Do you feel like co-workers can talk to you in a particular manner that may not be the most polite...but if you do it then you are told that you are an angry person.  Do you feel like you are given duties that you're co-workers aren't and without the benefit of clear instruction or resources?

I know I do.  The challenge is making a change to something where I won't feel these things.  A challenge because of the invested time I've spent in a company that holds a pension for me, 401k and the benefits of being a long term employee.  Companies have created flat organizations these days.  All this means is that there aren't as many positions or levels to move through and if you do change positions then we don't have to fit you into a salary grade because basically all jobs have the she title.  Therefore, you garner little additional money and are systematically moving laterally within the company.

I know I'm ranting without telling all the details of my current situation...but ya see.  I' just tired.  Tired of fighting for what's right, tired of fighting co-workers who are trying to compete with me and I don't want to compete.  Tired of talking about it, tired of my love having to see me looking as if something heavy is on my mind that he can't do anything about.

So I say Lord I'm Tired.  Please help me get through this and shed light on my passion and let happiness rule my life.

1 comment:

Chet said...

My Brotha, I'm sadden to hear that you were going through such a rough time. I know exactly what you were going through and the mental stress associated with job related issues.

Yes most Black men adhere to a different standard in the workplace at least everywhere I've every been employed in fact it is much that way at my present job that I'm seeking employment elsewhere.

Starting over isn't easy and especially at my age. I know the transition won't be easy, but just like you I need a change.

D my brotha be strong and take good care of yourself everything will be alright.