Thursday, October 09, 2008

I'm Free

Sometimes it takes a minute to get yourself back together. I've been making posts but not really saying exactly what was on my mind. That's because I was in something. (don't want to call it a relationship, because admittedly that's not what it was)

Now that it is over I feel free. I'll call him Illusion. I enjoyed Illusion's company, he was intelligent, attractive, and extremely charming. It just didn't work out and it didn't end nicely either. There wasn't any fighting, yelling or anything like that. He said that he wasn't the man that he felt that I needed. I should have just said ok and let it go but I slipped and wanted to be heard. How unnecessary was that? I knew it was coming to this but he just beat me to saying it.

I'm glad that I had the good times that I did. I'm doubly glad that it is over. I did make one mistake a week or so after things ended, trying to contact Illusion in person one more time offering something that I know he needed.

I shouldn't have done that but I don't regret it. Since then there has been no contact or much thought about him and I feel real good about it.

There was someone who has (I'll call him Jag) wanted to get to know me for awhile but I couldn't because I was trying to figure out what this thing was. Jag understood and never tried to make waves to the thing I was in. He didn't call me or make snide remarks when he saw me in public on very few occaisions.

Not two days after my mistake of attempting to contact Illusion. I ran into Jag in the grocery store of all places. He saw me before I saw him. He called my name and we began to talk. On every occaisions that I had seen him prior he had not asked if I was still in that thing. This time he did. I told him that I wasn't. He didn't smile but looked a little sad and asked me if I was ok. I assurred him that I was. And feeling free. And I really am, no more worries about the illusion, no more feeling sorry for the illusion, no more wondering if the illusion is being honest, no more illusions.

Jag said he would call the next day and he did. We talked about family, politics, travel, religion, charity and more. He said he would call again and he did. He invited me to dinner and I accepted. We went to Union Station in downtown Los Angeles. I thought we were going to the restaurant Traxx that's housed inside, but we headed for the trains. We boarded a train headed for Del Mar. Once in Del Mar we caught a cab to the Pamplemousse Grille . The ride took a little over an hour and allowed us to talk on the train before enjoying a wonderful dinner and continued great conversation.

Sometimes you have to go through something to get to something. I have no expectations of this going anywhere but it was fun and I enjoyed the moment. I'm grateful for all that I've gone through to get to where I am. I have many memories that I'll cherish and I know there will be more.

I wish illusion much success because I refuse to dwell in a thing that was never going to be anything. I do not wish him any ill and hope that mentally he will be well.

I'm here enjoying the moments.

8 comments:

TheBlacks said...

I'll be waiting to hear the rest of the story ... 'cause I'm sure there will be more to hear! Enjoy it my friend!

thegayte-keeper said...

ALWAYS great entries...I LOVE the sometimes you have to go through something to get to something...so many of us need to realize and understand this...

Anonymous said...

Life is too short to be tied up in vengeance, hatred, or ill-will for any other human being regardless of whatever negative influences they've left in your life. Life is a life-long learning experience and I have learned in my 41 years that nothing lasts forever. Enjoy the good and learn from the bad. Most of us are so afraid of being alone that we involve ourselves in unhealthy situations knowing that in the end our "faces will be broken". Never fool yourself into believing that the brother you JUST met is going to be your life-long mate. Take time, a lot of time, to get to know the brother before investing your heart and feelings. If the relationship ends remember that it's just that....the relationship ending, not your life. Be strong, be happy, take time to heal, and move on.

D-Place said...

The Blacks...there will be stories told...lol

GateKeeper...Thank you...I guess we have to go through something to realize it.

Anonymous...oh no I'm just enjoying the moment.

One Man’s Opinion said...

Thank you for sharing that story, bro. It was sad and romantic all in one shot. You gotta know that we have all, at one point or another, went down that road you traveled (Or at least I like to think so). You enjoy your new adventure and let it take you into a world of happiness.

Jamar Herrod said...

You have really said most of what I was thinking to respond to. I love men who are grateful for their experiences since I wholeheartedly do so at all times. I am glad you had the opportunity to wine and dine with Jag. You are already strong and your blog proves it. The way you ended it was the best: enjoying the moments. Deuces.

deonte' k said...

I'm totally with you on this man. I'm glad for u and I hope all things go well for u. ;)

kennyking78 said...

First off, the pics on your website make me think about doing "grown folks thangs"!!!! hahaha

Second, all right for Jag! I am happy to hear this! I love the riding on a train thing as a part of the date. Breathe baby!

Third, "Illusion"... THE PERFECT nickname for him!