Black men have been brutalized by the media, family, employers, friends, women and significant others psychologically and physically.
It's no wonder we keep our feelings tucked deep inside.
Only a Black man knows the pain I'm talking about. It's deep in our guts.
Sometimes you just want to scream, but you better not!!
If you do someone will see that pain and they'll be scared and irrationally defend themselves against you.
Black men we have to heal each other.
Can't we trust each other enough to take a look inside?
10 comments:
This is what attracted me to your blog so long ago. No other black gay blogger was asking questions and examining our place in the larger world and larger gay community. My word, you have no idea what a difference you have made for me.
Interesting post. You ask a serious question and the only answer I can give you is,some people have been scarred and beaten down so many times it's just easier to keep a mask up. The fear of showing ones vulnerabilities will often prevent us from asking for help when we need it and not offer help to others when perhaps we should.
Very interesting, my brother. I have no idea why it is that we brothers, gay, straight or otherwise, have a problem showing our softer side. If we allow ourselves to be vunerable it is seen as "gay". Interesting connection, don't you think. I come from very homophobic family. Not my mother, per se, but just about everyone else. Case in point, I won a big, pink, bunny rabbit last Easter, in one of those claw games. Well, you knew I wasn't allowed to give it to my nephew because, of course, owning a pinking bunny rabbit, at the age of two, would make him gay. How sad is that?
I am mad that I clicked on the blog and my mouth began to water! lol
I believe that trust should be given to a certain degree with moderation and caution. The problem is that trust is too often abused. Once it is abused and lost, it is hard to regain!
I know the feeling you talk about, but I hold back on crying and screaming and letting it out not because I am scared of how other people are going to respnd negatively or agressively, I am scared of the damage that I know in my heart I will cause. I hold back not for me, but for those who have hurt me. It will be good for me, but a wrap for them.
I have so many things that I want to scream about, things that have hurt me and have been at the hands of my family and i know that if I was to show even a miniscule portion of the pain I have it would rip my family apart.
I keep it inside of me for peace's sake and I am trying my hardest to work through it.
Beautiful.
So that's what made me gay, that pink bunny I played with as a kid. Damn. If I had only gone for the football ... (lol)
You’ve stated what I’ve been keeping to myself a long long while. I believe it takes enormous courage to confront pain - to look it dead in the eye without flinching. But our lives deserve nothing less, and we simply must do it if we're going to heal ourselves and one another. I think "trust" goes both ways. Can you trust yourself enough to be truthful, no holding back, and can you find a brotha with maturity and compassion and (hopefully) good sense who is willing to go down that road with you? I refuse to give up hope that one day I will meet such a brotha, one who believes in the seriousness of healing, and in its necessity.
Bronze - Thank you!!
Curious - I think that's exactly what our problem is. The sad thing is that many of us are covering the same pain with our masks. We don't know it cuz we never discuss it.
Fuzzy - When someone abuses your trust it's simply a manifestation of that person's pain. No need to be dismissive especially if you haven't addressed their abuse. More times than not they're probably more abused than you.
Aaron - Doesn't it hurt more sometimes to keep it inside?
TaylorSiluwé - I'm glad you played with the Pink Bunny. You wouldn't have that great sense of humor!
Gerard - You said it! "Can you trust yourself enough to be truthful"
I didn't forget you One Man! I think it's our sick society that causes us not to want to show our softer side. My nephew taught me a lesson about that. I never used to say I love you. He made me start saying it to him cuz you never know I might not ever get to say it if something happened. And now he knows and I know everytime we speak.
I don't think I have ever had a problem showing my softer side. I think that our families and society has conditioned to be these rocks (i.e.- James Evans) that only show emotion when there is no other option left.
Like I said, I have never had a problem showing that softer side, but there were definite consequences for doing so. Being ridiculed, looked upon a certain way, and excluded from "manly" things like sports were just few.
Though troubling at first, at 29 I am living in my own truth and not one that was manufactured for me by others who really should pay attention to their own truths.
Thanks for the post D!
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