Monday, March 02, 2009

Completely Over You

When I first met him several thoughts danced in my head.

The words attractive, intelligent, sensitive, caring, honorable and sexy came to mind. These thoughts stayed in my head for quite some time. Even though some of the words that spilled from his lips showed thie idiotic logic, insecure tendencies, and misleading intent. I hung on to the initial words that filled my head. Whether it was what I wanted to hear and see really doesn't mean a thing any longer because now I'm so over him.

Finally my eyes opened and I could hear and see clearly that he was not the prince that I once thought.

In fact he became the forgotten soul that slithers near it's prey. Searching for anything that will make it feel as if its a prince. Devouring maliciously gifts bestowed upon him in appreciation for the falsehood that lies within.

I actually hadn't thought about him for several months then someone asked me about him today and I needed a minute to realize who they were talking about. Who? I said...The distastefulness in my mouth required me to spit. I only replied no we don't talk anymore and left it at that.

It struck me strange that I hadn't thought about him because at one time I thought my relationship with him would be something special. How wrong was I.

I got past the days of wanting to cuss him very quickly. As my motto goes..."Enjoy the moment". That moment was over long before it started when I think retrospectively about it. As he said he wasn't the man for me. That was the one truth he told.

For awhile I felt sorry for him and on some level I probably still do. Not because he's not with me. More so, because he is lost. He will encounter many because that is what he does...but none will stay long and even those that he has known long will not be loyal to him. For after awhile they realize too that he is not a prince but instead a forgotten soul filled with lies, misery, confusion, and delusions. He doesn't know it because they say it behind his back. His clandestine activities are ineffective in their camaflauge. More people know of his works than he even knows.

When the time comes that you can clearly see someone for who they are is when you know who you really are. I'm completely over him and my life is much better. The picture of him is clear in my mind. Especially since I am seeing him from the inside.

The lesson here is to put yourself first and listen with more than your heart.


thegayte-keeper said...

so true brother...I am glad that you believed him when he showed you who he was the first time..

kennyking78 said...

"Listen with more than your heart"... that is a great lesson to learn.

I hate that you had to go through this, but am so glad that you have such clarity with the situation.

You are coming out on the other side.

4GOTTEN1 said...

From your heart and soul to my ears...thank you for sharing.

Chet said...

Man the pain and hurt is comming through those words however; the discovery of loving self heals that wound swiftly.

Man will fail you everytime, you must believe in self and trust not only your heart, but a higher power.

jerzey_reality said...

putting urself first is a valuable lesson..sometimes we put others first and loose ourselves and forget wut our needs are...but from these "bad" relationships we learn, grow, and further develop into the person we are supposed to be

deonte' k said...

and what a great lesson that is sir!

Anonymous said...

...................AND DONT LOOK BACK!!

KB said...

ok why this needs to be put inside a HallMark card that you can mail to yourself?! beautiful bruh and the final sentence brings it all home. and gatekeeper, i always quote that Maya Angelou line too lol!!! it's so true.