Ain't No Way

One thing I've learned in my years of living is that you can't make anyone love you the way that you want them to unless that is exactly what they want to do effortlessly. At some point you're going to have to either let them love you like they know how or let them go.





It's up to you to decide what your spirit can take. I think Aretha said it best with her song ain't no way. Also, Kenny Lattimore has remade this song on his new cd and it is very very good!

Check out Aretha

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y-WoC9RfuoU

Courage

It takes courage to steadfastly maintain ones virtues. Alas, that is the true measure of courage.

To erratically pontificate prose of bliss while matriculating to distractions of the lotteries of life, one falls short of the gifts bestowed by God.

At Times

At times life offers very cruel solutions for one's reality.

Thoughts?

With Eyes Closed

I could hear it rumbling like an 18 wheel truck making its way down a Los Angeles poorly maintained street.

The ungodly concrete lay cold, coarse and helpless as the roots of the Ficus trees traversed just beneath its belly premeditatedly to malign it's hardened arrogance with multiple fractures.

Native Son

At first I couldn't think of what to title this post because I'm still so angry. Then I started writing and it came to me. Here's what happened.

I went to my family reunion in Maryland and had a wonderful time. I had a straight through flight coming back, where I sat by the window and read Grace After Midnight by Felicia "Snoop" Pearson. The book took us through the changes in her life leading up to a her role on the HBO show The Wire.

As I finished her book in flight, I thought about how different my life had been and how far removed I was from the stereotypes and choices that she had to make in her life.

Well as you know life has a way of slapping you right back into reality. I exited the plane and proceeded to go to baggage claim to get my luggage. 3 flights of bags were all being unloaded at the same baggage claim. You can imagine the number of people waiting for their bags.

Since my flight was the last flight to arrive I knew there would be some time before I could retrieve my bag. I decided to walk outside and have a much needed cigarette. I stepped outside lit my smoke and a white woman began screaming at me.

"Oh no you don't" she said.

"No I don't what?" was my response.

"You can't do that here. You must not be from California." still screaming at the top of her lungs she said "I'll call the police on you right now."

So to avoid this crazy woman I walked 5 feet away from her and found an ashtray were I completed smoking my cigarette. She looked over at me and sneared as she blew me a kiss. This was not a gesture of endearment by any means. She was taunting me.

I'm a responsible smoker when it comes to those who don't smoke. I thought to myself instead of this woman going off like this all she had to do was to say the smoking section is over there or something. I would have taken no objection to that what-so-ever. So after finishing my cigarette and before retrieving my bag I decided to say just that to the woman . As I approached her from a respectable distance I began my attempt to educate her. I wanted this woman to know that she could not talk to me any way that she chose and that all of her antics were unnecessary.

Well before I could get a complete sentence out she began screaming again and dialing 911. She was again screaming at the top of her lungs for me not to touch her. To get away from her. Then the bitch had the nerve to say that I was assaulting her. She repeated that over and over and over again. Then she started screaming you touched me stop it don't touch me. He's assaulting me. I never touched the bitch. One of the taxi attendants walked over and said "man it's not worth it". I agreed and with that I walked back into the baggage claim area.

5 seconds later one of the airport traffic cops walked in and asked me to come outside. He said that I needed to wait for the police to arrive to make a statement. What the fuck! A statement, why should I have to make a statement about that crazy bitch. I thought fast. There were mostly white people in the area and I could not count on them being a witness to my behavior. So I told them that the Taxi attendant was right there so make sure that they grabbed him to corroborate my statements. They compliied.

The airport cop walked back inside with me to get my bag and await the police. Not 5 minutes later 9 police officers had arrived. NINE! I kid you not! I explained to one Asian officer what happened and he asked me if she was on the plane with me or if I knew her. To both I answered no.

He then asked for my ID. I'm assuming so that I wouldn't run away. 6 of the other officers stayed behind while I still waited for my bag. The officer came back and gave me my ID and asked if I was leaving after I got my bag. Of course I was leaving you dumb ass. I don't live at the airport is what I wanted to say. But didn't.

He then told me that the reason there were so many officers was because they got a report of domestic violence. 1st of all I didn't know the woman nor did I touch her. It's beyond me why they hadn't contacted the airport cops...(traffic cops I guess) to find out the true situation before even coming to the spot. What also astonished me was how quickly they arrived and how they really thought that I did do something to the bitch. If I had done anything to her there would have been no question about it. I wanted to bang the bitches head into the plate glass window for screaming at me the way she was.

I never was able to completely understand why Bigger in Richard Wright's, Native Son killed Mary and the affect it had on him. This situation sort of brought the idea in Wright's book to light for me. Notes on that portion of the book read: Mary’s murder gives Bigger a sense of power and identity he has never known. I think my thoughts of making her head a plate glass smasher aligns with that statement to a certain extent. Especially since only 1 black person came to try to diffuse the situation at all. He must have felt what I was feeling before.

The funny thing was that I wasn't even embarrassed when she was screaming. Anyone in the area could see that she has some issues. There are a lot of analogies I could make from this situation and I'm sure that actually all of them apply.

Like I said life has a way of slapping you back into reality. America has not changed very much even though the media tries to make us think it has. Black men are still the villians and the crazy white bitches are still the victims.

Don't be fooled.

Artwork by BARBARA KINSEY

Direct Your Life

A friend of mine sent me these 24 items that one should do every day. He sent it in one of those chain email things that everyone gets all the time and just deletes them. For some reason I read this one. Supposedly knowing and doing these things will make your life better. I don't think there are any scientific facts related to all these things that will prove that they will in fact improve your life. On the other hand I don't think any of them will hurt. So if you can take just one or two of these items into you daily life, I would think that at the very least your life will be a little more pleasant on some level and place your life in the direction that you want it to go.

1. Take (at least) a 10-30 minute walk every day. And while you walk, smile. It is the ultimate anti-depressant.

2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day. Buy a lock if you have to.

3. When you wake up in the morning complete the following statement, 'My purpose is to __________ today.'

4. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.

5. Drink green tea and plenty of water. Eat blueberries, wild Alaskan salmon, broccoli , almonds & walnuts.

6. Try to make at least three people smile each day.

7. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip, energy vampires, issues of the past, negative thoughts or things you cannot control. In stead invest your energy in the positive present moment.

8. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a college kid with a maxed out charge card.9. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

10. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

11. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

12. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

13. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.

14. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

15. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

16. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: 'In five years, will this matter?'

17. Forgive everyone for everything.

18. What other people think of you is none of your business.

19. GOD heals everything.

20. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

21. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch!!!

22. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

23. Each night before you go to bed complete the following statements: I am thankful for __________.Today I accomplished _________.

24. Remember that you are too blessed to be stressed.

I'm adding this one.

25. I'm not Bitter, I'm Better.

Happy Jackie Washington Day!

I know I'm 2 days late but I wanted to wish you all a Happy Jackie Washington's Day! Jackie Washington's Day is every July 15th.

If you haven't seen the movie you should. Actually, Jackie Washingon Day can be any day you like cuz you will always have a good time.

Meet some friends down at the Threaded Needle and celebrate. You might even run into Cadillac the biggest Pimp in Kinlock at his regular table. If you haven't seen the movie, watch this trailer for a tidbit of what's in store. If you like crazy comedy you'll buy this one. It is a cult classic.

Enjoy!

Jackie's Back Trailer

I Never Said Good Morning

it's early saturday morning

i wake you up and tell you that we have to go help your cousin..(you buy that cuz she always needs your help)

surprisingly you didn't even ask what was wrong this time

we quickly get dressed and head to the car

we get in the car and i'm driving

but instead of heading to your cousin's we head in another direction

stop asking me baby I'm not telling you where we're headed you'll see soon enough

we're on our way to the airport you scream

you're suddenly confused, asking me why we are here

i tell you that I'm taking you on a short trip

cover your eyes so you can't see our destination i want it to be a surprise.

you bombard me with questions.

how long are we staying?

what about clothes?

do i need a jacket?

i just look out the window

i park the car and walk you into the airport

we are in flight and the damn pilot announces how long it's going to take to get to Tobago

u get excited and squeeze my hand

i smile back at you

we arrive in Tobago and a white bentley picks us up and takes us to a white villa

as we walk through the lavishly decorated home you say i love you baby

your surprises are the best

we go to the kitchen and i give you something to drink and then undress you

stay right there I say

in the bedroom i open a suitcase that i had shipped prior to our arrival with our clothes

turn your back to me baby, i say as i walk towards you

i tie a colorful sorong around your waist that highlights the beauty of your skin and another around myself

i guide you to the back yard that is surrounded by lush landscaping

i take your hand and walk you through the trees to a clearing near a stream and small waterfall

i turn you to face me and tell you how much you mean to me.

i tell you how glad i am that i found you.

i tell you how you have enhanced my life

i tell you that my life before you was only preparation for you

and then get down on one knee and say

since life has now pepared me for you

there's no way that i want to grow old without you

will you marry me?

when you stop crying and say yes

our families run out of the trees cheering and smiling

they hug you and pull you away from me kissing you and laughing

i walk through the crowd of our families searching for your hand

i find it and pull you close to me

your head rest on my chest only hearing my heart beat

it's saying to you...i only beat for you

after the celebration and our families return to their hotels

we venture back to the waterfall in the warm night air only in our sorongs naked underneath

we end the night making love with the mist of the waterfall wetting our bodies until we glisten

the smell of gardenias envelopes us as we begin to fall asleep in each others arms.

i whisper in your ear,

hey baby i never said good morning.

Friends

The best thing about friends is that you get to pick them.

In this community they become your family.

They are a true reflection of who you are.

When you're in different cities they're only a phone call away.

If they've passed away you feel them when you need what they offered while living.

There's nothing better than good friends.

Who are your good friends?

Sometimes

Sometimes you gotta get a little dirty before you can be clean

Do you feel it coming?

Do you feel it coming?

You may not know the force behind it, but you know it's coming.

You have no words only guttural sounds.

It's makes you giggle.

Your senses are heightened.

Your skin tingles.

Your breath is shallow.

You wonder if they know that it's coming too.

It makes your eyes flutter.

and your heart beat faster.

You know it's coming.

You can feel it.

It's almost here.

In anticipation you can feel yourself about to burst.

You know it's coming.

Your face is flushed.

What will it feel like you wonder.

That's half the excitement.

You want it to last forever.

You want to feel it all over you.

Oh My God!

Thank you God!

Shit!

Here it comes!

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

You have found love, happiness, success and peace.


With my mind set on higher things.
These things have become my footstool.
I'm determined to reach my goal.
I need peace for my soul.

I wish you well

I've been feeling Mariah Carey's song I Wish You Well.




Read I Wish You Well lyrics

This post is not meant for any one in particular. Just kind of how I feel when things with promise turn to disappointment. I've always said...enjoy the moment. I have lived by this for a few years now and it really works. I think also what helps me is knowing that God is looking after me and knows my heart. It's too bad that sometimes friends, lovers and family members don't always know your heart.

It's unfortunate that liars, cheaters, whores, drug addicts and dealers, con-artists and the like, are never able to feel safe enough to trust anyone. In their minds they have concocted scenarios of deception that only bind them to their own dismal existence of mayhem. It's unfortunate because if only they were able to trust just one person the rain of rath that continually emerges in their lives would certainly subside. It's unfortunate that they never will, as it's not in their nature. They're too angry with themselves and their lives. They attack , misuse and ravenously devour any goodness that comes their way. Therefore, they will remain in the muck smelling of shit.

I wish them well.

Smiling Faces

Smiling faces sometimes pretend to be your friend
Smiling faces show no traces of the evil that lurks within
Smiling faces, smiling faces sometimes
They don't tell the truth
Smiling faces, smiling faces Tell lies and I got proof
The truth is in the eyes
Cause the eyes don't lie, amen
Remember a smile is just A frown turned upside down
My friend let me tell you
Smiling faces, smiling faces sometimes
They don't tell the truth,
Smiling faces, smiling faces Tell lies and I got proof
Beware, beware of the handshake
That hides the snake
I'm telling you beware Beware of the pat on the back It just might hold you back
Jealousy Misery Envy
Your enemy won't do you no harm
Cause you'll know where he's coming from
Don't let the handshake and the smile fool ya
Take my advice I'm only try' to school ya

Some of the people in your life might have a slight resemblance to the pic above. Unfortunately, they don't look as comical or you'd be able to easily recognize them. Even if you don't recogonize them right away the truth always comes to the light.

Know that you are in God's favor and you won't have to be worried about these kinds of folk. I'm praying this prayer every day.

Father, I thank you that your favor is coming on me in a new way, and it's going to turn this situation around. It's going to cause these people to start treating me well.

The Touch of a Grandmother

My family is planning a Family Reunion in July. The reunion is taking place in Maryland. I haven't been back there in 3 years since my grandmother's funeral. I'm having a really hard time deciding to go to the reunion. It's just not going to be the same without her there. I miss her soooo much.

My mother and her sister sold her house where we all gathered. It was the house that my Great Grandfather built for my Great Grandmother. My Grandmother was born there and so was my mother.

It's going to be difficult. She made everyone feel important. Whose going to do that now? There is no one left in the family like her.

I know I'm rambling but I just miss her so much.

She told me I was her favorite. I found out later that she said that to everyone. We all believed that we were the favorite. I know I really was. I don' t care what the hell they say.

I miss my grandmother's touch.

On an Island

I'm somewhere on an island

languishing in the warmth of the night.

My thoughts are traveling farther than I have.

Possibilities of the future excite and cause me apprehension.

I'm somewhere on an island languishing in the warmth of the night.

I'm somewhere on an island, only in my mind.

Cause and Affect

Last week was not a good week. A woman that I've known for 11 years committed suicide. She was young, only 32 years old. She had a promising career that was escalating rapidly. She was engaged to be married on May 29th to a guy that also worked at my company. Her fiance found out while he was at his bachelor's party 4 hours drive away. One can only imagine how he must have felt to hear this news.

The assumption around the company is that she battled with depression. If there was a note left we'll probably not know the details of it. It's bad enough that she did it.

When things like this happen one wonders why someone would do this. Depression has many levels and when one goes to this length to end their life they assuredly are at the highest level. We've all been depressed and most are able to recover from it.

What was she going through that she could not handle? Did she feel that she didn't have anyone to talk to? Was it something that someone said to trigger it? Again, I'll never have the answer for these questions.

As Black men we keep a lot of our feelings close to us. Are we suseptible to such depressions. Probably so. I used to have friends in the same city that I could talk to. Many have died and some have moved. I write in my blog to help me through the times when it's not convenient for those far away to listen.

I had a small disagreement with someone that I care about on the same day that I found out about this suicide. They had no idea. Would our conversation have been different had they known. I'm not sure. I do know that after the disagreement I was very perturbed. Depressed no. Saddened yes.

Perhaps it's the ones that we care about who are at fault for the depression that we feel. Is it that one doesn't feel safe to share what's on their mind? Do we quickly map out the conversation with those we care about in our minds, knowning that they won't give emotionally what's needed?

Scientifically, one might say that most suicides are caused by a chemical imbalance and should have been treated with regular medication. Probably so. After the medication has run it's alotted course, for those in need of it, I believe the conversations with those they care about come crashing back to haunt and taunt them? The disagreement I had keeps coming back to me.

Along with the disagreement this suicide news warranted me to drive to San Diego to find some solice. I didn't tell anyone what happened there. I didn't want forced empathy. I wanted to enjoy feeling safe and loved to gear me up for the memorial service tomorrow. This service won't be easy because the story of these lives held so much promise.

You never know how words affect anyone. Especially if they don't tell you. I hope this disagreement with my friend will be resolved with out pain. I don't know how I affected him, he doesn't know how he affected me.

All I know is that there is always a cause and effect.

Hope Act Change

What's a man to do?

I haven't been blogging lately because there are so many thoughts and words going through my head that I can't seem to focus on one thought right now.

Kinda wishing I was a kid again when I didn' t have any worries other than who I was going to play with outside. Novel concept in today's world...you don't even see kids playing outside anymore.

So for now just trying to calm my thoughts down and focus my attention on the things that need to be done. And doing those things in a way that satisfies me. My blog is a place where I liked to express my thoughts and emotions. Right now I need to keep them to myself.

It won't take me too long to come back to myself.

I Carry Your Heart With Me

i carry your heart with me

i carry it in my heart

i am never without it

anywhere i go you go,my dear;

and whatever is done by only me is your doing,my darling
i fear no fate for you are my fate,my sweet

i want no world for beautiful you are my world,

my true and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;

which grows higher than soul can hope or mind can hide
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart

i carry it in my heart

By E E Cummings

Wouldn't this be a nice thing to hear from someone that loves you? Even if you don't hear this I hope you feel it when you find someone that has the courage and strength to show you their love for you.

Know Your Truth

I was browsing blogs this morning and came accross this youtube post from Amourpropre. This brotha is 27 and he felt like he lost his truth. When you view the video post, you'll see what I mean.

It's so funny how we loose our truth. The truth being that we know who we are and what we want in life. Unfortunately, the desire for something is what sometimes takes you away from your truth. This separation from the truth can happen at any age and sometimes it can happen over and over again. It's the desire that takes us away.

I admire this brotha for so eloquently exposing himself so that others might learn from him. No matter the situation that is taking you away from your truth. There will be times when you will have to ask yourself if you are living your truth.

Ask yourself if you are living your truth.

I pray that you are.

Happy Easter

Yesterday

Nothing more needs to be said.

Just click this.

Be A Man About It

When did motha fukahs get so sensitive and weak that they can't tell you how they really feel? Or are they just being shady and sneeky?

Whatever the case maybe I don't have time for it. I'm not a mind reader and don't really like to mince words. Especially when you're supposed to be my friend or someone that I care about.

Unfortunately, I tend not to let go of folks like this so easy because of what I presume our relationship is. I'm only going to try to work it out on my own for a little while though.

Then I'm done. It's Alright- Ledisi

(Sorry for the cussin. It just pisses me off.)

Grace

Living in California you at many times get the opportunity to meet celebrities and some psuedo celebrities, depending on your circle of friends and profession. Although they are people just like you and me, often times they behave as if they are super people. They will instantly bring adjectives such as, arrogant, pompous, shady, mean, and many more to mind.

I had the opportunity to meet Trenyce a finalist from American Idol season 2 today. None of those words entered my mind. She performed for an event that we had at my company and I must say that she was extremely professional. Her spirit was genuine and she was in a word the epitome of Grace.

Her performance and professionalism was more than I could have hoped for. If you don't know sometimes you gotta check some celebrities cuz they can be rather ghetto for lack of a better word. Not Trenyce and If you ever have the opportunity to be in her presence you will enjoy every second of it.

Here's a couple of Youtube songs where you can hear some new songs from her. Click here

Auuuughhh

I just gotta tell this story because it still leaves me weak when I think of it. Last month I had my performance review at work. I hate those damn things for so many reason that I'm not going to get into here. Anyway, at my company they require employees to suggest a minimum of 3 people for your manager to solicit feedback on your performance. These 3 people must be someone that you have worked with during the year.

You never know who said what during your review unless the person solicited replies with something that identifies them. Usually the managers won't divulge information to give you a clue. Just general statements that anyone could make good or bad. Sometimes they don't even mention it.

During my review my manger told me that she recieved good feedback from the 3 people that I suggested. She documented two sentences that were positive. That all sounds good. However, she then revealed to me that she solicited additional responses after receiving the responses from those I suggested. Not unusual at all. Until she told me that she solicited 10 additional people to give feedback! She was surprised at the responses and said that this had never happened before. What had never happened before was her evil intentions not developing as she planned. All of the responses came back positive!! Fuckin Bitch!

I didn't react during this meeting because, like I said I don't care about these reviews and any negative reaction is just something else to be added to the next review. The thing that bothered me was her persistence in attempting to find negative feedback. 10 additional people solicited is abnormal. I'm positive that she tried 3 more and they came back positive so she kept going until she was exhausted or ran out of time before the deadline.

Thank you Lord for not allowing her weapons formed against me to prosper, but sometimes things like this cause me moments of weakness. It just makes me tired.

I was depressed.

There was a time when I was depressed. I felt like everyone around me took little pieces of my soul. They took those pieces and threw them to the side with the junk mail. At their whim they took those pieces and bounced them off the wall. Then threw it back with the junk mail to contemplate throwing out with the trash. There was a time when I was depressed. I felt like I was all alone in a room and no one could hear my cries for help. No one saw me crying. No one cared if I was crying. No one took the time to see. There was a time when I was depressed.

Who are these people that attempt to circumvent your world of peace with their malicious folly? Well I realized who they were. They are the ones that were depressed and not me. They are the ones whose souls were in pieces not mine. They were the ones who were crying and didn't want anyone to know.

I realized that I have a good life. I realized that I'm a good man with good intentions. I realized that my love is precious and abundant. I have more than enough to give. I realized my soul is whole. I realized that I am loved. Cuz I love me and it feels so good.

Along time ago I was only dreaming and now I'm awake with reality.

No Words

I simply have no words right now and just going to be still and think.

Think about me. Think about what people ask of me. Think about what people think of me and how they show it to me.

Just be still and think.

What's Your Man Saying?

On Aol today they had an article on Why Men Don't Communicate. This part of the article stuck out to me.

Guys Are More Comfortable With Actions Than Feelings
Rather than talking about how he "feels," often a man would rather express his love by changing her oil, or bringing home a flower, or relinquishing control of the remote.
And when men do talk, they'd prefer to talk about actions rather than emotions. For instance, a lot of guys would choose to express their long-range faith in a relationship by talking about next summer's vacation plans, not by launching into a soliloquy about undying love.
Both conversations can mean the same thing (that he plans on sticking around); he just prefers to say it with plane tickets, rather than poetry. It's one of the reasons men are more comfortable talking at work (the practical universe) than they are at home (the castle that emotion built). But you can bring out his great communicator by making him feel more like he's operating in work mode, even when the topic at hand is your love life. Here's an incredible article, "The Home Office," that shows how he can use his best office skills for great success at home.

I thought this section of the article was pretty good. Sometimes in person the words just don't come to me because of my day at work or I'm in that mode of just trying to forget all that happened at work and unwind. I think living alone has caused that period to last longer than it probably should. I know sometimes that I can write down how I feel a lot better than I can verbally express it. So I think for men in relationships with men we probably need to pay attention to the things he does a little more than what he says.

As the old saying goes...I can show you better than I can tell you. I guess that fits me to the T. Unless you piss me off then I can find all kinds of words. Even then I still need to take a min to determine how the situation has affected me.

The article ended with this: It's clear that some men are just plain tired of feeling like they're on the witness stand. They're not necessarily hiding anything; many guys simply prefer not to have to relate confusing feelings that they may not even understand themselves.
An age-old tactic can make things better: Back off a little, give him room to operate in a conversation, and he's more likely to open up.

Am I the only one that is like this?

A Valentine Future

What better way to be in the world but with your Valentine.

An unconventional meeting that surprises you.

Hearing a song that explains your feelings.

Sitting in the movies holding hands.

Waiting in the parking lot for him to arrive.

With all your heart wanting to protect him from harm.

A table for two at a cafe sipping wine.

The smile in his eyes when you say his name.

When he talks you out of the pain from the past.

Having a 3 hour lunch that you don't want to end.

Learning to love again.

Together dashing out of an event that has lulled in excitment.

His head in your lap as he slumbers after a long day.

Moments of silence but knowing he's there.

A soft kiss at the end of an evening.

Feeling his strength when walks in a room.

Knowing all those old love games are through.

Doubling back to make sure he's ok.

Knowing I'll be there.

He checks you when you're wrong.

The small of his back and nape of his neck.

He fearlessly brings you food and vitamins when your not well.

Experiencing the horizon leaning forward offering you space to place new steps of change.

Being the best of friends.

The way your name drips from his lips melodically.

Eliminating the fear driven insecurities.

Planning life together.

A Valentine Future is on it's way.

A Valentine Future to love always.

Happy Valentine's Day!

To all those who read this on Valentine's Day, love as you want to be loved. Open your heart and let them see.

Black Pain

Our lives begin the day we are silent about things that matter - Martin Luther King, Jr.

I'm gonna start off like this... I'm not one to read all those self-help books. I actually think they're pretty silly and everything that's in them people already know already anyway. However, there has been one idea that I have talked about in the past that I did get the DVD for The Secret. Now I know a lot of people have heard of it and some get it and some don't.




I can completely understand that becasue what the secret doesn't tell you is how to get rid of the negative thoughts that we all have. Simple thoughts like, oh I'm not going to pass this test or I doubt they're going to give me the job, etc. It just tells you not to have those thoughts because that's what you'll get. Which I firmly believe.



I went to a booksigning yesterday that was sponsored by my job at EsoWon Bookstore. All I knew was the title of the book..Black Pain. I take that back I knew it was about depression but that's about it. Didn't even know the author's name. Was just going out as a business obligation sort of.



Anyway, once the Author came in I recognized her as the Author of a book that I read years ago and have tried to make a part of how I deal with people. The Personal Touch. The Author is Terrie M. Williams. Well now after she went through a dibilitating depression she wrote this book that discusses depression. She says that we all have depression and it all comes from something in our lives that we just have not dealt with. Well that's a given. But what she emphasizes is our finding out what these things are and talking about them. I guess I kinda did that with my previous post What's Inside?

Black people don't talk about our pain and this is what she stresses that we need to do. In my mind have have always known that much of our pain and depression stems from slavery. I know some white people might say oh here they go talking about slavery again but it was a pivitol event in our culture, that's shaped not only who we were but who we are today.

Think about this. Did you come from a family that always told you that they loved you? Many of us haven't. It's not that they didn't but more than likely was inherited from Slavery. Slaves couldn't express love freely to their loved as to either try to mask their pain of possibly never seeing a family member again or so that the vindictive master didn't take out his viciousness on our family members.

I haven't started reading Black Pain yet but I plan to...and I think that this book will be a good companion with The Secret in teaching me how to get rid of my Black Pain. Cuz I for one and tired of masking the pain that I have to endure 5 days a week constantly feeling like I have to prove myself to my white counterparts at the workplace whom I always more productive than without recognition.

Are you ready to rid yourself of pain?

After The Rain

It has finally stopped raining in LA. Thank God cuz I have a leak from one of my decks and it was causing me much grief. Now the workman are finally getting that together so I'll be ready for the next big rain and not have to fight the water from messing up my floors and everything else.

A while ago I said I was going to take a picture of something each day just to stay creative and to make sure I noticed things that I may not normally. If your a regular reader of my blog you know that didn't happen. LOL

Anyway since it was so clear after the rains I decided to take some pictures. Here's a couple one from my office window and one as I was driving through my neighborhood down to Sunset Blvd on my way to work.

What's Inside?

Black men have been brutalized by the media, family, employers, friends, women and significant others psychologically and physically.

It's no wonder we keep our feelings tucked deep inside.

Only a Black man knows the pain I'm talking about. It's deep in our guts.

Sometimes you just want to scream, but you better not!!

If you do someone will see that pain and they'll be scared and irrationally defend themselves against you.

Black men we have to heal each other.

Can't we trust each other enough to take a look inside?

Cheater!!!!

I went to a screening of TRUE GRIT(S): A Faux Cinema Verite' Docu-dramedy tonight. It was an entertaining movie. The documentary portion of the movie discussed cheating and then after the screening disussion was had on the subject of being cheated on or having cheated.

One of the main questions was, what is cheating? My opinion is this...if you about about to do something that you think your partner would not be pleased about than it is more than likely cheating. Whether it is simply flirting of chatting on line. However, just like in the movie I believe that you must have these discussions when getting into a relationship with someone. The definition of cheating can be varied depending on who you talk to. So in order to dispell any doubts in your mind find out.

Click on the link above to see a very small portion of True Grits. I hope one day you'll be able to see the entire film. You can also visit their blog The Ghetto Savants by clicking on this link.

What is cheating to you?

Warrior Alert

You know I try to be positive but this is one thing that irks me to no end and I just gotta talk about.

I went to the Abbey with a friend from out of town and someone I started dating last night. Now I'm not one to feel like the person I'm dating has to be all up under me all night long. I do realize that the day I met this person was not the day that they came to life. Same thing goes for me I wasn't just born the day they met me. So with that said I know we all have a past and know people that each other may not understand the relationships so it's really nothing to trip over.

However, you should pay attention. Especially when you can tell that someone is trying to push up on your date in a sexual manner. I know we are all men and being flirted with is good for our egos. However, if I feel that your efforts to ward off an obviously intoxicated horndog are not successful. I will take note of it and take matters into my own hands. I had to do that last night. I'm just glad it didn't get ugly. I'm not sure what it is about me but in some situations I become this warrior ready for battle. No opponent is too big or too small cuz I'm going to do damage.

Last night fortunately, I didn't have to do any damage but I did need to step in and rescue my friend from a leach that was causing my blood to boil. Without any words to the fool I grabbed my Friend by the hand and lead him in another direction. That seemed to stop all that action. Thank goodness cuz like I said I become a warrior and my words and actions were on the verge of becoming volatile.

FIVE RULES FOR GAY MEN TO FOLLOW

A friend of mine sent this to me so I can't take credit for this. Here are the rules as someone sees it.

1. It's important to have a man, who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.

2. It's important to have a man who can make you laugh.

3. It's important to have a man who you can trust and who doesn't lie to you.

4. It's important to have a man who is good in bed and who likes to be with you .

5. It's very, very, very important that these four men do not know each other.

One through 4 were real good. I'm working on something right now and I'm positive that those 1st 4 exist in just this one person. I gotta test some of it out though. LOL. Number 5...now that's just a dayum shame. funny though

Time waits for no one so you better work on those 1st 4 people.

Sang I Said!

You might not know this about me but I love love love to hear good singing. There have been times when hearing a singer who is able to get their audience to feel the song causes tears to form in my eyes. I wrote awhile back that if there was one gift that I wish I had it would be to be able to sing. I think everyone has the capability to carry a toon (if taught). But to really really be able to sing is a gift from God.

This post is of two young men Craig and Lewis who have that gift. They didn' t make me cry but with the right song and delivery I think they could. Such a simple song that they took and colored. Take a listen, you'll smile.

The Brady Bunch click on their name above to go to their myspace.

A New Year

It's a new year now and this is the time when folks make resolutions and promises to themselves that this or that is going to change. Well I'm not making any of those types of promises to myself. I'm just going to continue to do what I have been doing and that is to do the best that I can with this life. There are things that I would like to improve in my life and just like last year I was working on them..so if I didn't complete them last year I still have this year.

Don't let this world put pressure on you and tell you that you need to do this with your life in any specified amount of time. Whose life is it afterall. It's yours so your goals are only limited by you. And when I say limits don't take that in a negative conotation. Limits to me are what I can handle when I'm ready to handle them.

For me the holiday season was nice and relaxing. I don't go all out and make a big fuss out of things anymore during the seasons. I guess being single that sometimes you find out by fussing at these stressful times you become disappointed. So that stress is now relieved from me. As Jackie Washington said in Jackie's Back..."Because What? Thank you. Say No More!"

Each day is a brand new day...so live it as such. If you can set something up to benefit you tomorrow then by all means do so...but if you can't. Why stress over it.

Forgive me I know I'm rambling.

Happy New Year!!!

Haven't had much to say lately but wanted to wish you all a very

Happy and Prosperous New Year!

May you all stay in good health and surround yourselves with people who are genuine, honest, and who add positive impact to your lives.

What To Do?

I watch a DVD today titled Twilight of the Golds. It was about a woman who found out that she was pregnant. Her husband, a doctor that does research on genes that can tell you all sorts of things about a child even at the early stages of pregnancy. When they found out she was pregnant they decided to do some test on the baby to see if there would be any abnormalities. Well in their mind there was one. It was determined that the child would be gay.

The movie centered around her decision on whether to have the baby or not. With plenty of input from her mother, father, husband and her gay brother. The movie was intersting to say the least.

I wonder what most parents would do if they could tell that their child was going to be gay if born? The whole notion of it is sad to me. On one hand I understand where their confusion came from. On the other hand it saddened me because them simply having to think aobut whether to have it or not said volumes in regards to how people see gay and lesbian people. Not that I didn't already know, but to think that someone would terminate a pregnancy based on that was sort of spooky.

What would you do?

I Remember

I want to dedicate my post today to Fuzzy. I don't know him but I've read his blog a few times in the past and his latest post touched me and insprired me to write my own post. As you know I didn't think I would be writing anything this soon. Thank you Fuzzy.

A couple of days ago I received an email from one of my younger cousins. The subject in the email said Remember Grandmother. 3 years ago my grandmother passed away just before christmas. My cousin was feeling sad and missing her so she sent all of our relatives an email just to say that she missed our grandmother and what she remembered most about her. Well her email sparked everyone to respond with something that they remembered about my grandmother and what made her so special to us.

The interesing thing about all of the emails was that everything that everyone said in their emails was something that started with my grandmother but connected us to another releative. Many of us live in different states and cities so we're a little discoonnected. This email for me strangely made me feel as if we were all at my grandmother's house, like we used to be, sitting around her table and talking about what we remembered and what she meant to us.

For me that's what christmas should be about. Remembering family members that are now gone and renewing connections with your relatives.

Happy Hollidays

This is a busy time of year for us all. Not sure how much I'll be blogging but who knows. So that I don't miss saying it.

I wish all who visit my spot Happy Holidays.

May the things you dream of be just one step away.